… I have been plugging along for weeks… Normal stresses… End of the school year projects… concerts… quick trip to the lake… work… laundry… work… dishes… work… lessons… work… sweeping up the pile of dog hair from the floors that resembles a chinchilla… sleep overs… fathers day preparation… working extra hours over the weekend… and it hits… with no warning from one day to the next… I was a functioning member of society yesterday… juggling all of the above … with a smile… today I woke up… wanting to run away… move where no one knows me… and just start over completely… my head hurts… my eyes hurt… my body hurts…. I tear up almost every time some makes eye contact… or uses a tone of voice that my emotional state doesn’t deem as an appropriate reaction… I couldn’t sleep… I held my body so tensely that soon my toes began cramping… then my feet… muscles across the top and bottoms twist in painful contortion like spasms… moving up to my calves until I spent most of the night at the foot of the bed stretching them… and trying to work the knots out…. I want to sleep… I want to crawl in bed and stare at the white wall until I am completely disconnected from my body and mind… zoned out beyond reach… I want a break … I am breaking… just twelve hours later… twelve hours since yesterday when I was laughing and greeting people with confidence…. There isn’t enough caffeine in the world to make me feel like I have the energy to make it through this day… it feels that way… but somehow I just keep making the motions…
This just resonates bone deep this week.
In youth’s spring, it was my lot
To haunt of the wide earth a spot
The which I could not love the less;
So lovely was the loneliness
Of a wild lake, with black rock bound.
And the tall pines that tower’d around.
But when the night had thrown her pall
Upon that spot — as upon all,
And the wind would pass me by
In its stilly melody,
My infant spirit would awake
To the terror of the lone lake.
Yet that terror was not fright —
But a tremulous delight,
And a feeling undefin’d,
Springing from a darken’d mind.
Death was in that poison’d wave
And in its gulf a fitting grave
For him who thence could solace bring
To his dark imagining;
Whose wild’ring thought could even make
An Eden of that dim lake.
Edgar Allan Poe
#1 – If I disappear after this post… call the police … because he will kill me for posting this picture. Bahahahaha!!!
This is the man I married – Most people never actually meet him. He rarely makes public appearances and is usually replaced by his stunt double the ultra serious star trek loving over protective father and ever so helpful husband… But this is who I spend the most time with.
#2 People often wonder why he puts up with my antics… But we like to call him the instigator… He took this picture… Yes, that is me, with my Edward doll under the mistletoe …
We saw the 2nd-4th twilight movies together… We hate them… but when with each other will laugh ourselves into some sore stomach muscles. Movies are our favorite thing to do together.
#3 He told me he loved me first… he did!
I totally tricked him into it. He fell for the whole “I think I am starting to fall in love with you” line and said the words to me… I made him say it again and again the next day …
I tricked him into asking me to marry him much the same way.
#4 We met each others children before we actually met each other – Now this is disputable only by the fact that my son was with me when they met.
I sat by the side of the pool with his ex-wife while he swam with the smalls. We didn’t exchange words.
#5 We were introduced to each other by his ex-wife …
Totally happened… Bahahahaha!
#6 We did everything very unconventionally from the beginning, we broke every rule…
we don’t have a song – We have countlesss nights staying up all night listening to music…
We don’t have a “place”… we have all of the places… From the picnic table at the park… to every Indian restaurant in any city we have been too… every coffee shop… everywhere.
We didn’t have a wedding… in fact we didn’t know where to even have our little ceremony until two days prior … we wore jeans in a little art gallery on main street with our smalls and talls.. and few others…
I pretend to hate everything he loves … just to see him squinch his face up in frustration…
I pinch him … He tickles me… Sometimes I bite… He yells like a girl.
He pretends to love everything I love … Because when he loves … he does it so completely … that he will love what one loves …
We don’t so much argue and fight… as get insecure and get skittish around each other…
We know each other… better than we know ourselves…
We are ridiculously stubborn …
I would like to think we strive towards making each other better people… I know I am better just for having known him.
We belong together…
Theme Song Thursday… early or late depending on which week you are focusing on… Its Monday!! but seriously?? Love love love
I spend the least amount of time in this room … yet it is my favorite… more time is spent in the kitchen… the smalls rooms … tucked safely in a warm comforter with a book on my bed … but it is my secret escape… my guilty pleasure… and when I do finally get the chance to be in there… it is savored that much more.
Mr. Amazing: I know who wears the pants in this house
me: It is you!
Mr. Amazing: me?
me: Unless it comes to activity planning
Mr. Amazing: or dinner
me: You wear the pants
Mr. Amazing: or cleaning
me: Well… you bring home the bacon?
Mr. Amazing: wait, what am I in charge of?
me: I fry it up in a pan? and never ever let you forget your a man… Like that… Feminists everywhere are combusting spontaneously and they dont know why
Mr. Amazing: never ever let me forget I’m a man? really? you just typed that?
me: Its a song!
Mr. Amazing: how do you remind me that I’m a man, exactly?
me: The song said it!
Mr. Amazing: hold up
me: No no no… you hold up!
Mr. Amazing: so you are quoting lyrics from a song
me: You made me type that… I blame you
Mr. Amazing: but not with intentions of meaning what you are typing.
me: that whole pants in the family bull shit
Mr. Amazing: lol you are just upset because everyone thinks you run this house
me: I am actually! Because I don’t! You all do, and I just help you do it right ROTFLMAO!
Mr. Amazing: I could disappear for a year and people would barely notice I was gone
me: Liar! You know that isnt true
Mr. Amazing: the dishes would be done, the house would be spotless
you could have a robot leave paper towels in random locations
and leave clothes in the bathrooms
and watch TV
me: I totally would never buy that robot, Just sayin
Mr. Amazing: they may notice the lack of paper and mess
me: This is all on you… You are as big of a contributor as you choose to be
Mr. Amazing: from now on, only I wear that pants
(Click on image for a better look)
me: I AM SOOOO BLOGGING THAT! OMG!