Grandparents Day Out! – The greatest story ever written… ever… fight me!

And on this sunday morning… on these blank little books… this magic is being delivered… with Donuts!

Blank Books

GRANDPARENTS DAY OUT

10/02/2016

This was a Sunday morning like no other. Grandma Kerry and Grandpa Benjamin were relaxing on the couch waiting for their Grandchildren to come!

The soft sun rays were shining through the window as the gentle wind blew. They felt very special as they quietly whispered to each other. They said, “It’s almost 10 o’clock! ”

The phone rang suddenly, “Hello?”

The best mother in the whole wide world was on the other end of that phone call “I don’t think we can make it! My most precious children have ‘<Insert Whatever Virus Here>’”

“OH NO!” Exclaimed the Grandparents! “You better stay home then! Grandma gets very sick with childhood illnesses!!! But we hope they get better soon!”

Grandpa Benjamin and Grandma Kerry looked at each other …. They were both feeling very sad not to get to have a Sunday Adventure with Jason, Cameron, Jordan and Addison! How could they cheer themselves up?

Grandma Kerry had an idea!

“Grandpa Benjamin, Lets go on an adventure just you and I!” she exclaimed

Grandpa Benjamin nodded his head excitedly “Okay! Let’s go to all the magical places we would never take the kids… because it is way too dangerous! But we are grownups!”

So they snuck out of the house past an Aunt Lacey who was playing Animal Jam at the computer. Tiptoed right by an Uncle Johnathon who was still sleeping, because he can sleep forever! They patted Zip on the head and scratched behind Shadow cats ear and just like that they hopped in their car and took off!

Giggling excitedly after their sneaky escape, they headed toward their first stop. “Remember what Jason said about the place that has Trampolines to Jump and Pools to Swim in?” Grandma Kerry asked Grandpa.

“Ofcourse! He is such a clever boy! If he ever knew the truth!” Grandpa turned the car in the direction of the super secret jump and swim land.

There was not a child in sight as jumping from trampolines into swimming pools was very dangerous! But these grandparents laugh in the face of danger!

“Ha Ha Ha” they laughed as the jumped high into the air and canonballed straight into the water.

Jump and Swim Land

When they surfaced Grandpa Benjamins beard was dripping and Grandma Kerrys black eye makeup was running down her cheeks, but they began to feel the loneliness of missing those magical kids get a little easier.

They jumped several more times. They were so big that their splashes were enormous! It was such a fun time!

“I suppose this would be the perfect time to check on our Rocket Ship! We never have time during the week because of work!” Grandpa said as they floated about the pool.

“Great Idea!” Said Grandma. “We can go there next, because we can never let those fantastic boys and their new little sister know we have it! My Goodness! Can you imagine? Cameron would push all the buttons!”

Grandpa nodded in agreement “Jordan is learning how to push things too, just like they always try to push my speakers!”

They left the windows down as the drove away to let their hair dry because  Space was cold and neither of them wanted to get sick because they definitely couldn’t go another Sunday without being able to play with the Grandkids.

They quickly put on their space suits, Grandma’s hair was so long it poked right out of her helmet. Grandpa tucked it in and helped zip it up. He was always taking such good care of people.

3…2…1 BLAST OFF!!!!

And just like that they were off!
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Rocketing through the atmosphere until they were up into the stars in space, and the Earth looked like a big pretty blue marble behind them. They shot past Mars and went through the rings of Saturn but it was just no fun without the kids. So they slingshotted around Jupiter and fell back to Earth knowing that as adventurous as Space Travel was… The best kind of adventures on Sunday Mornings were the ones with their Grandchildren.

Grandma Kerry missed covering Addison’s Face in a bazillion kisses, She missed Jason running and jumping into her arms, She missed stealing Cameron kisses every time he got close enough to her to steal them. She missed fake sneezing at Jordan so that she could sneaky kiss him too! Ah Ah Ah CHOO!!!!

Grandpa Benjamin missed tickling Jason, giving Cameron warm hugs, spinning Jordan around in circles and holding sweet baby Addison!

They looked at each other knowingly as they climbed out of their Rocket Ship.

Grandma held up 7 fingers to Grandpa.

Grandpa held up 7 fingers back to Grandma.

7 days and it would be Sunday again! Their favorite day of the week.

“Cameron asked for Donuts this week” Grandma Kerry told Grandpa Benjamin.

“Jason loooooooooooooooooooves Donuts!” Grandpa said.

“Addison is too little but Jordan is finally old enough to have them too!”

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Off to the bakery they went. Hoping that everyone would get feeling better soon and that Grandma Kerry wouldn’t catch the bug! No Antibodies! Whoever heard of such a thing!

They got enough Donuts for Everyone! Some for Mommy and Daddy, Even Uncle Johnathon and Aunt Lacey!

When their adventure was over they flopped back onto the couch and turned on the TV. They sure hoped that the next 7 days would go by quickly! They just loved Sunday Morning Adventures!!!

G&G

(Okay I totally put a picture of us not kissing in the books… but its funnier like this!)

Authors: Grandpa Benjamin and Grandma Kerry

 

Cover Artist: Uncle Johnathon (Cover Art below— and WOW!!!)

 

Illustrator: Aunt Lacey

 

GET WELL SOON!

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Still Painting… This might have to be it for my blog …

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Sooo Im doing things a bit differently this September… 1 im not getting peehole cancer… well thats the plan at least… I had a scope done for my 43rd birthday… and well… there were spots… so I am starting the longest antibiotic treatment thus far in my life to try and fix them… if it does not work after 30 days… we will cut that shit out… literally…. LOL

I gave up the nicotine… finally…. no patches… no gum… look ma no hands.

I started exercising. a little. today I am typing this instead of exercising….

And I have painted…. this thing…. Here it is from different views… its huge… I love it.

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I have not written at all….

Fuck writing.

Fini!

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Ideology Vs. The Reality of Sexual Assault and raising smalls.

Today… I prolonged a rape… I wish like hell I could say I had stopped it…. I definitely stopped it in that moment… but I am not naive enough to think that it is not going to be inevitable if something does not change.

Sometimes when teasing Mr. Amazing I pop off with some very sexist degrading remarks when we are bantering back and forth over different stereotypes and he always looks at me kind of baffled…. because I am actually kind of proper… and he wonders where I would come up with such language… (This must come as a surprise… anything you have ever heard me say has been only for a reaction… I don’t really consider myself quite as sexually revolutionized as I suggest) I often laugh it off… but the other day I looked at him and he really wanted to know where I had heard the words I had spouted off at him… He wanted to know if someone had said them to me… I explained they had been said to me … many times over the years… “Wanna see my Penis?” …Sometimes they don’t ask first… and just assume you do…. and had been to most every girl I knew… and would be said to his daughter as well most likely… It was just part of being a girl in our society… right or wrong… it certainly wasn’t ideal… it was the reality.

We went to the park… out in the middle of the City… we do this often if it is not too hot to get some exercise and spend some time together as a family… (This is code for PokeMon Hunting)… We parked and walked around the several blocks long park enjoying the 80 degree weather… but severely disappointed in the lack of Pokemon… we had been there several times just like this… and spent hours there enjoying our “Family Time”… We buy a quick treat on the west side of the Duck Pond and Big Hill… and us adults cringe a little as we realize it is Sunday… Which means Drum Circle…. Which we affectionately refer to as Drug Circle… and try to not call attention to the obvious cloud of smoke and sounds coming from the hill…. and we talk over ice cream about how drugs are not okay… to three tuned out kiddos…We decide that the park day was just not what we thought it would be and we would head back home after about 40 minutes after leaving our vehicle… and rather that walk past the hill crowd we took the sidewalk back around the duck pond laughing about how before Pokemon go we would have thought just the walk and the weather and the ducks were the greatest thing ever… as we neared our car I saw her… someone younger than my adult daughter… but older than my small (17 year old) at least I think she was… She was most likely the age of my niece (who is the third kiddo with us today… 18 almost 19)…they all look so young to me now… they all are someone’s baby… she is sitting on the curb… one car from mine… with her head literally on the ground by the tires… she’s quite flexible… I am pretty sure her position is equal to putting her feet behind her head… and she is obviously under the influence of… well… god knows what…. I motion for Mr. Amazing to get in the car… because see in our society… because he has a penis… he cannot help this girl that is intoxicated… or small children if they are scared or hurt… because he just can’t right? …. he ushers the kids in and knew that I was going to make sure the girl was okay… this is not our first rodeo … infact… its pretty much a regular occurrence….We never just walk by and shake our heads at people in bad situations… not the homeless… not the mentally challenged or ill…. not anyone… and we certainly do not pull out our phones… and take pictures… or video…. People are never invisible to us…. essentially… I do not mind my own business…. ever.

“Hey… Hey… Are you okay? Can you get up?”

Half way through the sentence slurring of “some kind of friends I have… WHAT? Yeah… I’m okay”

“You dont look okay… get your head off the ground and let me look at you.”

She lifts her head and looks at me… she is completely wasted…. but her eyes are not dilated… I check her pulse… she is not pale or sweating or shaking…  She is not vomiting or complaining of any pain. I have seen at least 2 police patrols in the short time I have been there… I think I see one go by again now. I don’t really have an opinion about what goes on in Drug Circle on the HIll…. Because I only make choices for myself… and obviously I am choosing not to be there. That being said I see a ziplock bag with what is obviously Marijuana on the grass next to her and a wallet (a nice one actually) on the grass behind her “Is this yours? pick it up… right now… put it in your purse… I am not dealing with this shit just to make sure you are okay…. Do you want me to call someone for you? Who are you here with? Can I help you?”

“What do you got?”

“Nothing you consider ‘good'” besides… yours is still on the grass next to you… pick that shit up now” She does so as I move around her to get the wallet which seems much safer to pick up and hand her… I ask her again if she is okay… and she assures me she is… I tell her to be careful… and stop laying on the ground… as I move to my car to go… kind of chuckling to myself that my kids have witnessed this entire thing…. as I climb into the passenger seat… I spot the man… Id seen him when I approached her as well… but just assumed he was watching her curiously… he was still there… walking back and forth on the walk behind her… “Don’t leave yet” I mutter to Mr. Amazing… who nods as I point at the man who is to well groomed and clean to be hanging out at this stupid young drug circle…. the man keeps watching her and looking up at us to see if we are going to leave… his brazenness startles me a little… and I realize he knows the chance of this girl being awake or coherent enough is slim… and no one is going to call the police… because… drugs galore.

Suddenly a young man walks across from the hill and sits beside her on the curb… I get out of the car again… the girl has once again dumped the belongings of her purse (which is also quite nice… as are her clothes… and makeup… and hair… she isn’t without a home) is leaning on his shoulder…. losing some stupid clip in extension of hair in the process… which he graciously just picks up… and I approach again “Hey.” They both look up… out of the corner of my eye I see the man still pacing… closer now… and I am angry at this point. “Do you know this guy?” to the girl… motioning to the guy she is leaning on.

half way slurring into his face “do you have my shit?” she turns and faces me “No, I’ve never seen him before” The guy slaps his forehead… I roll my eyes… the girl smiles up at me idiotically and hugs my legs whispering to the guy “She’s got my back” The guy stands immediately knowing it looks bad for him… which is stupid… this girl is being completely… well…. inebriated. I point openly at the creeper waiting patiently for the girl to be left alone again… “This Prick over here is just waiting for her to pass out again… complete freak… I need to know who she is here with” They both look at the guy… who completely ignores this exchange but does not back off at all… infact he comes closer… it dawns on me maybe he is her pimp? but my gut tells me thats not the case… she is not on the streets… not yet… and this guy with her is actually in better shape that she is… soberish… not marks or scratches… clean clothes… well groomed… just young kids being complete dumb asses and making really stupid choices. The guy nods understanding and looks at the girl “You want me to get Haus?” seriously? haus? is that even a name? why are these people here … im angrier still… the man is closer still…. Mr Amazing informs me at this point he has a hand on the door and one on his phone…. “You have to take her with you”…

Girl who is probably really quite intelligent and well spoken but currently is completely dumber than a box of rocks “I don’t know him”

“What is her name?” I had picked up her wallet… seen her credit cards… student identification and such… and he tells me the correct name.

“You go with him over to the hill… or I get you help… I wont leave you here… this complete asshole is going to hurt you” again calling the man who is very close out loudly… and again… he does not change… or back off…. I am stunned by this as I realize… this is probably a regular thing for him… infact… I don’t smell alcohol on her and what has fallen out of her purse does not explain her condition… He could have slipped her whatever was… or not… as she loses another extension… and all the contents of her purse… again… as she falls trying to walk with the guy to the hill as I am telling him loudly that if he touches her and anyone touches her I will kick his ass…. this time a small jar of small smoky looking stones…. why oh why …. all these horrible decisions are still not a reason… I force her again to pick it all up … I again offer help… I do not call the police… People will surely think that was the right move… but my gut told me otherwise… the police were here… the police had driven by her… I wanted to call an ambulance… or a mom honestly… but I only had what I had to work with… I continue my tirade against her and the guy “You both look smarter than this… what the hell… get her help… dont leave her… keep her around people… do not touch her or let anyone else… ” switching the lecture to the girl “Do no drink or ingest another thing… get your ass home… this is so stupid… you could be hurt or worse… so stupid… you are better than this.” I walk them half way to the hill…. the man is following… the girl at this point is thanking me profusely and watching him over her shoulder… so is the guy… I still dont know if I have done the right thing… I dont know what was really going on… all I know is what would have been going on at that moment had we not come back to our car Pokemonless…. I glare at the man… Mr Amazing wants to call the police… I shake my head… for what… the man hasnt done anything wrong… yet… we watch as the two young people make it back to the Hill and the people and the drums… at least she is not alone… I dont know if she is any safer. I did the best I could do … I would be able to sleep at night with my decision….

I look back over my shoulder into the back seat at the two teens and Smallest girl sitting between them… “Thats why we dont do drugs”

We all kind of recap what has happened… and I realize… what will make me lose sleep…

The message to my son was clear…. Don’t do drugs… Don’t touch anyone who isn’t able to give consent… ever. This is not new … and honestly… he doesnt understand why someone would find that helpless girl kissing the concrete something to “rise to the occasion” about…. He does not get it. At All. I LOVE that about him. A Penis does not make one a Monster… It does not make you do anything or behave in any way at all… it is an appendage of your body. Not the ruler of your intelligent decision making ability. The conflicting message for him was…. simply because he had a penis… he would be treated that way… and that was something he was going to have to deal with… he couldnt help… he would be accused of thinking and wanting to do things that are below him. Not Ideal… but very Real

The messages to my girls were a little more disturbing…. If this girl had not done drugs… in this case… she would not be in the situation that was about to take place… that did not make the situation okay… that did not make it her fault… but I had to say the words… “Do not let yourself be in this situation… because this will happen”… and my feminist screamed at me…. but it was real. “She did not give that man permission to touch her… so if he did… and hurt her… it was not her fault… but if she could walk… or think clearly… he may not have approached her”… and part of me died a little… the part of me that had finally put some blame for things in my life on the appropriate people… because… I was where I shouldn’t have been… I looked again at my son and immediately put it right back where it belonged… for both me and the girl… you see… this wasn’t about a penis… and a girl is not just a hole for one… “The problem was the man… his brain wasnt wired right or something… he was scary and not okay”

Small girl will go through maturation this year… she is in fifth grade… unfortunately because of this… we will have to tell her what rape is…. as we explain the beauty of sex… our bodies… the amazing way they are wired to release stress… give affection… love… because she wants to know what that man wanted … why was he following that girl.

There is nothing wrong with your body… but keep it covered…

Its never your fault… but don’t be in places where that can happen

Men are strong and wonderful… unless you don’t know them… dont talk to them… get help if one smiles at you… No you don’t have to be grateful they said you’re pretty… no you don’t have to smile because they said to…. No… its not okay for them to show you their penis…

You can always call the police…. sigh… I don’t know how to explain this one even to you as I type it.

This was my experience today… I know women can be creepers… and men are assaulted as well… I am not making blanket statements…

I do not know the answer to my predicament… I don’t know what the right advice is to give to my girls… or my men.

I have to accept ideology vs reality. I can believe one thing…. but have to act against my core belief in order to keep people safe. I hate that.

How do you all deal with it? Really… what do you tell your children… your peers… Discuss… because I am at a complete loss… and how do we fix it.

 

I have never…

I have never written so little in my life…

I have never gone so long without blogging…

I have never been more sure that it will most likely continue for a while longer… or not… Im not really sure whats next… Today I am checking in…

I suppose that is better than checking out.

Here is a brief captioned visual run down of the last month

Sooo Let me digress slightly to let you know that Small Childs birthday was good... all he wanted was to spend time with Mr Amazing... and  we made it so.

Sooo Let me digress slightly to let you know that Small Childs birthday was good… all he wanted was to spend time with Mr Amazing… and we made it so.

These two... I seriously cannot even handle the emotion happening to my face right now...

These two… I seriously cannot even handle the emotion happening to my face right now…

That day in Park City though I had a weird thing happen... where I couldnt breath really well... and my eyes burned.... Two days later I woke up with Pink Eye

That day in Park City though I had a weird thing happen… where I couldn’t breathe really well… and my eyes burned…. Two days later I woke up with Pink Eye

It seemed like the appropriate way to celebrate the birth of Tall Childs GIRL!! A GIRL!! (a healthy crying one!)

It seemed like the appropriate way to celebrate the birth of Tall Childs GIRL!! A GIRL!! (a healthy crying one!)

She was greatly rejoiced and welcomed into the world by all her siblings... but not me... because.. Pink Eye

She was greatly rejoiced and welcomed into the world by all her siblings… but not me… because.. Pink Eye

The very next morning Mr Amazing left for Germany and Prague (Business Travel)

The very next morning Mr Amazing left for Germany and Prague (Business Travel)

He Humored me by taking selfies....

He Humored me by taking selfies….

Because two weeks is a long time to be gone from me.... He missed me...

Because two weeks is a long time to be gone from me…. He missed me…

Obviously

Obviously

Then shit hit the fan... Newest tiny addition got sick... very sick at just a few days old...

Then shit hit the fan… Newest tiny addition got sick… very sick at just a few days old…

After an ambulance ride and a horrible spinal tap... Meningitis was diagnosed... It was horrible.

After an ambulance ride and a horrible spinal tap… Meningitis was diagnosed… It was horrible.

But then she opened them!!! And it was all caused by a virus...

But then she opened them!!! And it was all caused by a virus…

A contagious virus

A contagious virus

Pause the drama for some of this... I loved the movie!!!

Pause the drama for some of this… I loved the movie!!!

So much so that because I was so sick I found time to paint finally

So much so that because I was so sick I found time to paint finally

Harley isnt done yet... I still need to crazy her up

Harley isnt done yet… I still need to crazy her up

Little Miss Thing got better slowly... She is three almost four weeks old now.

Little Miss Thing got better slowly… She is three almost four weeks old now.

My Eyes cleared up... Im still struggling with other symptoms... which is leading me to a Urologist who specializes in Oncology on Monday... Yeah... Mic Drop.

My Eyes cleared up… Im still struggling with other symptoms… which is leading me to a Urologist who specializes in Oncology on Monday… Yeah… Mic Drop.

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But until then... Ill continue wearing my R2D2 socks with my tardis dress to the office like I dont have a care in the world.

But until then… Ill continue wearing my R2D2 socks with my tardis dress to the office like I dont have a care in the world.

Zips still alive. Fini!

Zips still alive.
Fini!

On his 17th birthday…

These days… there are days I only see him for a meal on the run. He  works harder to get what he wants than anyone I know. He’s generous to a fault. He prefers his own company to mine — as does just about everyone — and likes his sister a lot more than he’s willing to admit.

Oh my dear small… you are one smart teenager. But as you enter your 17th year, on the 17th day of this month….here are 17 things I want you to know.

1. Life can turn on a dime.
You learned this in a way that I would never have wished for and I know you know that Nothing in life is guaranteed. But remember to Never take anything for granted. Be grateful and tell your loved ones you love them — every chance you get. I will always answer you when you say GoodNight.

2. Read The Economist every week.
Make knowing what’s going on in the world a priority.

3. Don’t hold a grudge.
There have been times when I’ve been slow to forgive… and I have destroyed some pretty important relationships…. You’ll learn over time that most things that may seem absolutely outrageous in the moment are quickly forgotten. Everyone makes mistakes. You make mistakes too. The worst thing you can be is judgmental.

4. It’s not uncool to have mom in your corner.
I will always be your number one fan (In a creepy way like that ankle hobbling chick from Stephen Kings Misery…. okay not that way) … We have had some times this year when you have really not counted me in on your plans… infact you straight up lied about plans… its okay to convince me that you are old enough to do something honestly…. it is okay to get my permission… its okay to check with me… anything you have to lie about isnt something you should be doing… Form an opinion… stand by it… convince me… this ability to disagree with people respectfully will get you far in life… and well… learning to do something against someones advice will also help… just make sure you are telling the truth

5. There’s nothing wrong with a Joint every once in awhile.
You will have oats… You will sow them… Sow them wildly. Next year… after your 18…. ha!

6. Always stay close with your sisters.
One day, they will be the only people who still remember your childhood. Ive harped on this a lot recently I know… but in our strange little family… they are all you will have when I am gone… Your nephews (and possibly soon niece) are going to need you… because they too will not have anyone to have a family reunion with… infact if your generation is going to keep any semblance of a family together… it will be on you.

7. Keep a journal.
You might think you’ll remember your favorite teachers, or who screamed like a girl during late night 5 nights at freddies…. but….Write things down. Take photos. Look back. It is important.

8. If someone tells you a secret, and asks you not to tell anyone, don’t.
Unless you should, then do. No friend is worth losing your integrity to. But all Friends deserve a secret or two kept.

9. Don’t build your worth on objects, but on experiences.
You can look around our house and tell that we’ve always valued children and vacations a lot more than nice furniture. And I’m so glad we did.

10. It is usually not about you.
As you grow older, don’t worry so much about looking a certain way. Most of the time, no one is paying attention. Really. People like to think everyone is focused on them but, in actuality, people are usually focused mostly on themselves. And if someone does something to you that’s hurtful, it’s almost certainly related to something going on in their life that has nothing to do with you. This goes for me as well… when I nag you about your eating habits… nutrition… social life… Im really saying that I hope you havent picked up on my bad habits.

11. If you need to go far, far away to pursue your dreams, then do it.
Don’t be afraid to take chances… Dont be so tied to your current plans that you dont alter them when there is an opportunity… Dont be so afraid of wasting that small college fund left by your dad… that you dont go and do the things your dad would have wanted you to do.

12. Be kind to those you meet on the way up because you may meet them again on the way down.
This is an old saying and you may find it silly. But it’s definitely true. Down the road, your behavior towards others will dictate how they behave towards you.

13. Practice the skills we’ve tried to teach you.
Before you go off Adulting on your own you must become more adept at cooking, cleaning and taking care of your finances. I know it’s a pain, but one day you’ll thank me. I think our recent adventures in a brand new adult in our home has taught you that much at least. Even if it stresses you out… charge things and pay them off… register your car… make a payment to a bank… trust me.

14. Modesty is very attractive.
A lot of moms and dads these days walk around telling their offspring how spectacular they are, and that they can do everything perfectly. As a result, many kids exude this sort of “I’m better than everyone else” self-confidence. And no doubt it’s nice to be self-confident. But being humble is what has  drawn others to you, and makes you stand out, much more than pounding on your chest ever will. I hope you do not lose that “drop in the ocean” mentality…. but I also hope that you know you are the entire ocean to some people…

15. Show up for important events.
Sometimes the last thing you want to do is spend the weekend at another family party with people that you like just fine… but are not really like us, or even a Saturday afternoon at your little sister’s recital, but it’s important you do. I’ve learned the hard way that failing to show up at a major event is one of the most common reasons relationships break down. Be there for others and they’ll be there for you.

16. Attitude is a small thing that makes a very big difference.
The older I get, the more convinced I am that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. Hanging around people who complain all the time brings you down. Being positive and thinking good thoughts will help make good things happen. Attitudes are contagious. I really believe that. Do not ever complain about things unless there are actions you can take to make them change…. as I have always said… I cannot complain about politics if I dont vote…. and ofcourse I will be voting this year… because good hell.

17. Wherever you end up in life, you will always have a home so long as I am alive.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, I will always love you like crazy.

So happy 17th birthday, you quiet, smart, handsome “Destiny” fanatic. I couldn’t be more proud.

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Dear Miss Bee

Dear Miss Bee,

I am writing this on your birthday as per my blogging tradition to let you know that despite how it may sometimes seem, there are many things that are wonderful about you. I am so fucking lucky to have you as my daughter and am in awe as I watch you grow into a young lady. So even when I get frustrated and angry with you, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you with all my heart. Hold on to this letter and read it anytime you feel sad, angry or like you can’t do anything right… or that you will never make it Adulting… We all sometimes feel like that, but it’s usually up to us to do something about it.

What I think is wonderful about YOU:

1. Your joyful laugh. The real laugh… not the maniacal witchy laugh you do at the end of your show on nickelodeon.

2. Your determination to teach yourself new things. Sometimes you give up on things if you cannot do them perfectly at first… and then you met the cartwheel and backbend… I have watched you practice and practice… instead of deciding you hate cartwheels. Good Job!

3. Your thirst for knowledge and your ability to retain it. You want to know everything about everything… sometimes this gets interpreted at being nosey… but I really do believe you want to know what is going on in the world and what adults are talking about.

4. Your fearlessness…. this will shock you because I get frustrated when you are afraid of potatoes… but your fearlessness in expressing yourself is amazing.

5. Your creativity. This requires no explanation.

6. Your (corny) sense of humor. Even if it is only funny once.

7. The way you take care of your siblings and nephews… Thank you for loving my boys (Old and Young) so much.

8. Your commitment to doing well in school. You really care about turning in good work and being on your best behavior for the teacher. I love that.

9. Your ability to feel empathy when someone is hurting. When my bones are broken… or someone loses someone… you really have learned to put yourself in their shoes and try to do what makes it best for that person. I am so proud of you.

10. Your smile that lights up your face… and Fairy Door Adventures!

11. Your gift for art and culture. Your Paintings and love of mine.

12. Your singing (You have a BEAUTIFUL voice… even if I constantly tell you to stop singing)

13. Your ability to remind me to have fun… on more than one occasion you have reminded me that its okay to have a little extra sugar… get a little silly in public… and talk endlessly.

14. The way you can make friends and carry on a conversation with anyone… Especially cashiers at grocery stores… I love our theatrics.

15. Your cooking (errr…eggs… I love that you are learning so much).

16. Your silliness.

17. Your writing (stories).

18. Your Videos… even if I dont want to watch them more than once. You have such a creative mind… and the best ability for storytelling.

19. The way you dance everywhere through life.

20. Your ability to make and sell whatever you put your mind to. There has never been a more honest statement… you could sell icecubes to penguins with your mad negotiation skills

21. How you tell me about your day and your friends.

22. Your LOVE.

 Happy Birthday my amazing angel girl! I hope that in life our relationship continues to let me protect you and guide you as you become older and more independent. You’re daddy is the greatest man I know… I am grateful for him everyday for bringing me you.

 Love,

Your Kerry

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The Universe has a Pulse… and rhythm of its own.

The tempo at which we march through our days… weeks … months… is wrong. The vibration that moves us the very throbbing of the hearts of mankind are out of time with each other. The cadence of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness is off beat.

In a Professional Symphony… The conductor sets the tempo by forming an invisible shape in the air with his hand. When the conductor cues for an accelerando… the music speeds up. When the conductor raises his arms to gesture grandioso the amount of air blowing into the wind instruments increases… and likewise, to soften the orchestra to pianissimo…the conductor again traces back down with his limbs to quiet the noise.

In a Jr. High Orchestra…this goes a bit differently….

We are the Jr High Orchestra People!!!

The chaotic variations that we are stumbling through are simply because we are moving through the most beautiful piece ever written… and we are not very good at our parts yet.

Even before Social Media existed… I was obsessed with what was going on in the world… far beyond my safe little neighborhood…. well away from my conservative state in the middle of America.

I was a young teen when the Gulf War was televised…. Literally…  watching it all night long on a small 15 inch black and white tv (What! I had paid for it myself… and I was young… Color TVs had existed since before I was born… Im not that old) … I would stay up all night just watching in fascination…. because I had never even seen this place before…. my friends were there…. fighting…. I quit sleeping… then… I don’t think I ever really started again… there have been many wars since then… they are hardly even covered any longer… let alone televised.

Twitter was born… for my trapped little mind… it was an avenue out of this rose colored world being streamed to us on the TV now… I was reading live the tweets of the man in the coffee shop as he watched the US helicopter land in the neighborhood the night they killed Bin Laden… I lay awake all night  reading the messages of people in the square of Egypt… Turkey… Ferguson… as they came in…

I became very ill… I have blogged about how sick I got… in the last two years… and as I took my leap of faith last year… part of that leap resulted in less time spent on Social Media… Although I never unplugged completely… i would go days without even opening that cute little white birded app.

In the wee hours of Sunday Morning…. I opened it again…. at about 1 am my time…. I was very careful not to read the Tweets from inside the club… not to follow that stream… because I had become sensitive again… But I read the tweets of the people outside the club… the mother waiting for word of her daughter… the man desperately wanting to know if the victim with the very shirt off his back wrapped around his wounds had survived… with tears running freely I followed the entire scene for over 24 hours…. at first I was afraid… then I was sad… then I was FUCKING ANGRY… and now… now as I write this I am a melting pot of all of those emotions which really translates to a confused version of Disgusted Hope. (Good Luck figuring that shit out)

I believe we are that Jr High Orchestra of the Universe…. We… Mankind itself… is stumbling through this piece… the cadence is wrong…

Regarding , Politics… Religion… Hate. its pianissimo. Shhhh. Someone Cue the media.

In fact… to move in the right direction we will have to remove the composition off the music stand… We can rip the pages off altogether and watch as they go falling off to the side and throw a new piece up. Love. Kindness. Acceptance. Movement.  Energy. Get the heads looking over here again, Hate is impossible because the trumpets are so loud you can’t hear anything else from the orchestra. Cymbals are crashing… drums are roaring,

The Conductor’s hands are dramatically waving from the shoulder joint itself in huge looping arcs.

Try to keep up… keep quiet when it is negative… and play from the pits of your soul the love that is there….

I am so sorry for those who lost their loved ones at Pulse… I am so heart broken that anyone who is already struggling through the ugly measures of preconceived notions of love and personhood are not who they are… that is now alone… and afraid.

I am sorry we sell semi automatic assault rifles in the name of our founding fathers… I am embarrassed really…

I equally embarrassed that we discuss the genitalia of those we want to take a shit next to in front of the world…

America being the youngest…Like toddlers talking about poop…sigh

I am devastated that the term “20 minutes of action” even exists…

But I am not Hopeless… and I am not giving up… and I am not alone…

Neither are you.

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One day I believe we will be practiced… we will be in beat… we will harmonize and make beautiful music… the discouragement is palpable…  but no one give up!