… I struggle now, more than ever… I want to give you the world, but I want you to know what it means to seek out your own place… I want to teach you the importance of loving yourself while making sure you learn how to put others before you and the value of that; of recognizing more than yourself…. I want to be your compass, and yet, more than ever, it is you that are mine… “What would I want them to do?” “What would I want them to know?” “What if that were my child; how would I want someone to fight for them?” So how does this work, you ask? … I see your insecurities, and they gnaw at me…. I see your strengths and they inspire me…. The three inches that you’ve grown, the three shoe sizes that you’ve gained, The three weeks inbetween seeing you –in just a year?… I cannot keep up with you and for that I am ever so eternally grateful and sad…. And that makes not one bit of sense to me, either…. There is no stopping this thing called time; perhaps these are the longest years…. I cannot be your friend all the time, but I can be your friend…. I cannot grasp you to my chest… I cannot shelter you from this world… I cannot follow you to be certain that you’ve donned your hat and zipped your coat and protected your lips with the chapstick that I seem to buy you daily… I will never rock you again in the old creaky chair; never fall asleep again with you on my chest; But can still make you believe that I am magic…. Santa is gone to most of you, the Tooth Fairy is gone, the Easter Bunny is gone; on some days, I know, even God is gone…. I can’t make you believe…. I can’t explain well enough…. And I must be alright with that…. And I will tell you that even now, that is hard, despite knowing it is how it must be… There is no love beyond this love…. There is no breath that I take without you on my mind…. There is no thought not marked by your presence…. There is no beauty that does not remind me of you….
Mar 26 2012