Articles for the Month of March 2012

Mar 26 2012

… Dearest Smalls…

Author: Kerry

… I struggle now, more than ever… I want to give you the world, but I want you to know what it means to seek out your own place… I want to teach you the importance of loving yourself while making sure you learn how to put others before you and the value of that; of recognizing more than yourself…. I want to be your compass, and yet, more than ever, it is you that are mine… “What would I want them to do?” “What would I want them to know?” “What if that were my child; how would I want someone to fight for them?” So how does this work, you ask? … I see your insecurities, and they gnaw at me…. I see your strengths and they inspire me…. The three inches that you’ve grown, the three shoe sizes that you’ve gained, The three weeks inbetween seeing you –in just a year?… I cannot keep up with you and for that I am ever so eternally grateful and sad….  And that makes not one bit of sense to me, either….  There is no stopping this thing called time; perhaps these are the longest years….  I cannot be your friend all the time, but I can be your friend…. I cannot grasp you to my chest… I cannot shelter you from this world… I cannot follow you to be certain that you’ve donned your hat and zipped your coat and protected your lips with the chapstick that I seem to buy you daily…  I will never rock you again in the old creaky chair; never fall asleep again with you on my chest; But can still make you believe that I am magic….  Santa is gone to most of you, the Tooth Fairy is gone, the Easter Bunny is gone; on some days, I know, even God is gone…. I can’t make you believe…. I can’t explain well enough….  And I must be alright with that…. And I will tell you that even now, that is hard, despite knowing it is how it must be… There is no love beyond this love…. There is no breath that I take without you on my mind…. There is no thought not marked by your presence…. There is no beauty that does not remind me of you….

Mar 23 2012

… Just another Day in Paradise

Author: Kerry

Due to my motivation and ambition being on vacation on this fine friday morning… I started reading through old emails… instead of answering current ones that would surely require thought that I havent had enough coffee to form yet… which I am gulping at an alarming rate convinced my brain is at the bottom of this cup…. I found this… admit it… you would like to work with me

Dear Princess Natalie,

Hi, my name is, oh man, you almost got me there, but any how I kidnapped something very dear to your heart (see picture below). Why am I doing this, well, I want some money, and this was the first thing that came to my mind. Since I don’t like to work, I decided that this would be the catalyst to a lump some of ill gained cash. So here is what I want, I want all the money you have in you’re pockets, not to mention a VIP room in Buckingham Palace, free for my use whenever I want. I also want one of those crowns with the red felt and criss-crossed gold with jewels in it and the little cross on top, and I will need a scepter also, because with a scepter I can hit anyone that calls me stupid when I carry around a scepter and crown.

If you don’t meet my demands, I am willing to go to some drastic levels. I urge you to try me, call my bluff, and just see what happens.

So make haste Little Lady, and meet my demands, because you don’t want me to reach the third stage of my plan, trust me.

Sincerely,
Kerry ….I mean…not.

Mar 22 2012

… It Starts with us

Author: Kerry

You… yeah you… sitting there not thinking you can do anything… or wondering how you can make a difference… or feeling alone.. or setting goals for yourself.. or trying to find a way to cling to your humanity in what seems a very unhumane world… There is a lot you can do… But not a lot more simple that this… I do this… I do this every week… It is how I get through the week… It is how I rise above everything else and stay positive… Trust me.

 … It Starts with Us

Mar 21 2012

This was our moment

Author: Kerry

The Traveling Red Dress… A Story… Within a Story… With in a Story

I can’t read this post without tearing up a little each time… Watched the TRD community page for weeks on Facebook… peeked at others Red dress moments… shopped for dresses online… as if I would ever really purchase one… Shared the story with every female friend of mine that I ever thought could use a Red Dress moment… and then one day… This (through a series of events) was sent to me … And I knew my weeks of lurking were over… because honestly, I know everyone feels this way… But I am special…  She inspires me to believe that I can do anything…  more than a box of wine… or 6 vanilla soy lattes… or a good rap session on the freeway commuting into the office… . So I wouldn’t let myself chicken out of… ‘cause I just want to be like The Bloggess that much! So I tried it on

Headless Red Dress

It Fit! Next, I made the arrangements with my soul sister, and set the date and time… and informed her she too would be wearing the dress… Well mostly…#1 because she needs a red dress moment, and doesn’t know it and  even more to the point #2 because then I have equal amounts of pictures of her in said ball gown… should she ever feel the need to show them to anyone. That’s just what kind of friends we are. 

I was a little nervous (Nervous means I didn’t sleep for two days and was irrationally crying a little each time I scaled laundry mountain… since I had failed to properly do laundry  since I found out the dress was coming.. and the dishes … and cooking… The local Indian Restaurant  which I highly recommend knows my voice and calls me by name when I call for take-out) But I hopped in the shower Sunday morning without a care in the world… and exited the shower a hysterical mess…. drying off my shoulders I took a good look at the war wounds there… The claw like stretch marks… the vertical evenly spaced scars on top of them… then let my eyes travel over the rest of me…  They are everywhere… things that I hate… a lump.. a fold.. a wrinkle.. a scar… a bruise.. a freckle… pulled out a unwanted hair and completely melted down… I made my way from the bathroom to my bedroom unseen and climbed back into bed… water drops changing the color of my lavender sheets to a dark purple…. And sobbed … I wish I could tell you I forced myself up and into my car… But I didn’t… I reached for my phone and text said soul sister that perhaps we should catch up on sleep instead… that I didn’t think I felt too well…. And her response was this… and I quote “NO! I have been looking forward to it all week! GET over here NOW!”… so I threw back on my pajamas… grabbed all my makeup…yet somehow no bra…. attempted to get out of the house without alerting smallest child and Mr. Amazing to the streams of tears and shaking hands…. I tried to get out, but Mr. Amazing can spot me from a mile away… I hoarsely ask him to load the gown in my car for me… Which he responds “of course” and I grab the stunningly beautiful Red Pashmina he had overnighted to the house for the occasion… Knowing this moment would be likely… Seeing as the dress was strapless… and he tells me it will be okay.. that he loves me so so so much (he really says so three times, god I love him)…. and that I don’t have to show them to anyone if I don’t like them.. and he finds my camera for me… my special camera that means so much … it reminds me of my grandpa… and he texts me before I can arrive at the house around the corner to make sure I am okay… surprisingly,  I was.

We primped and prepped and talked about our kids… We had grown up together.. and so had our kids… I wonder if our kids’ kids will… wouldn’t that be amazing? I bet it totally happens… And then magic took place… We each took a turn in this Red dress… giggled and laughed and complemented each other.. posed… and might’ve jumped on the bed… took a million pictures… pretended to drink straight from a bottle with the label turned so you couldn’t see it was apple cider instead of whiskey… Danced… folded laundry…

Red Dress Collage

I then pulled my grey man hoodie over this amazingly magical gown.. and ran through the snowy march afternoon to my car with bare feet and drove back around the corner so that smallest child… who I have convinced I am allergic to dresses (also the color pink, glitter, lace, princesses, Barbies,  Lalaloopsies …the list is added to frequently) see me in the dress… (Mr. Amazing said wow!)  She loved it! And wanted it to be hers… but she is five… and has no concept of size and proportions… It would never fit her… She wanted to have a tea party… and I quickly agreed… She went and tossed on a  “Tiana” dress up gown.. and I put on pajamas…with a matching tiara.

I know I don’t have to share these… But I’m not coming this far without showing them off… Magic!

 

Story #2

So, my BFF calls me one day. Yes, I am almost 40 years old. Yes, I said BFF. She tells me about this red dress that we are going to take turns wearing. We are going to get together and do our hair and make-up and act like girls. Notice I didn’t say ask? She knows the only thing I will say “NO!” to her for is setting me up on a blind date. *That’s a different blog*

After expressing to my tweenage daughter that I feel like I had turned into a fat frumpy old mom and her response was, “Feel?” … I knew I needed this. Work, kids, men and life have a way of consuming a woman and I had let it! Text to catch up on sleep? Hell no!! I bought make-up for this!!

For as long as she and I have known each other, we had never done anything like this before. We are not girly girls, hoodies and jeans please! There were no kids, no men, we turned up the radio and giggled as we put on our make-up and curled our hair. I wore the dress first. I absolutely hate my flabby arms, but I didn’t care in the magic dress! It transformed me! I tried to take serious pictures, but if you were to see the ones I was smiling in, it was actually an evil laugh. She was screaming at me because I was having too much fun taking my own pictures with the camera on my phone!

Then it was her turn. She was beautiful! She looked like Snow White with her black hair and bright red dress!

She wanted to take lighthearted funny pictures, not serious ones like I did. Then I leave her alone with my phone and she takes pictures of herself just like she screamed at me for!! They were AMAZING! There is something about taking your own picture that captures what no one else can!

~The Soul Sister

Mar 21 2012

When arranging transportation turns into an Email Serenade

Author: Kerry

This is what happens when I follow up on a text asking for Small Child to be transported from school… I was asking for a favor… So really… I had to sing a little… Luckily, My friends know how to handle that

From: Kerry
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 8:19 AM
To: Michelle
Subject: You! Yeah you… over there!

Did you get my text… have I told you lately that I love you… Have I told you, theres no one else above you… you fill my heart with gladness… take away all my sadness… ease my troubles that’s what you do

From: Michelle
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:05 AM
To: Kerry 
Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!

 

Yep, sorry. I didn’t see it until late last night. My phone was hiding from me. Yep, we can pick up Small Child this week….   Did you ever know that you’re my hero, and everything I would like to be? …. I can fly higher than an eagle,…. ’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

 

From: Kerry

Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:18 AM

To: Michelle

Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!
 

Thank you!!!!! … Lean on me… when youre not strong.. and Ill be your friend… Ill help you carry on… Just call on me brother.. if you need a hand… we all need somebody to lean on. J

From: Michelle
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:40 AM

To: Kerry
Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!

No problem!!  … I’ll be there for you …  (When the rain starts to pour) …I’ll be there for you … (Like I’ve been there before) …. I’ll be there for you  … (‘Cause you’re there for me too) 

From: Kerry
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:42 AM
To: Michelle

Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there! 

ROTFL!! Me and you.. and you and me… no matter how you toss the dice.. it had to be.. the only one for me is you… and you for me… so happy together!!!

From: Michelle
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:48 AM

To: Kerry 
Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!

 … You’ve got a friend in me … You’ve got a friend in me … When the road looks rough ahead … And you’re miles and miles …From your nice warm bed …Just remember what your old pal said … You’ve got a friend in me.

From: Kerry
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:51 AM
To: Michelle

Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!

Keep smiling… keep shining… knowing you can always count on me.. for sure… that’s what friends are for… through good times.. and bad times.. Ill be on your side for ever more… That’s what friends are for

From: Michelle
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 9:59 AM

To: Kerry 
Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!

What would you think if I sang out of tune, … Would you stand up and walk out on me? … Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song  … And I’ll try not to sing out of key…. Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends …Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

From: Kerry
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:01 AM
To: Michelle

Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!

<waves lighter back and forth> We are the world… We are the children… We are the ones who make a brighter day so let’s start giving… There’s a choice we’re making… we’re saving our own lives… Its true we’ll make a better day.. just you and me

From: Michelle
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:10 AM

To: Kerry 
Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!

I’d like to see the world for once …  all standing hand in hand … and hear them echo through the hills … for peace throughout the land (that’s the song i hear) … I’d like to teach the world to sing
in perfect harmony… I’d like to buy the world a coke …and keep it company


From: Kerry
Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:11 AM

To: Michelle
Subject: RE: You! Yeah you… over there!
Okay! You win! LMAO! You know this is going to end up on my blog

 

Mar 21 2012

Uhhh Yeah…. That just happened.

Author: Kerry

This is what happens after I innocently order Wine Flavored Gummies from the UK… Do you all have this problem

(Gmail Chat)

Mr Amazing:  lol gross why?! 
 
me:  Behave… I bet i could find urine gummies – Im going to look
Mr Amazing:  lol gross why?!
me:  Just to see LMAO
Ummmm okay no gummies… but I did find this little treasure
Mr Amazing: Good work, and look at the rating
I am buying it
me:  Dont you dare!!
Mr Amazing:   I just did, it looked really interesting
me:  OMG people have reviewed it! LMAO!
Mr Amazing:   using toilets and urine to create nitrogen rich compost heaps
she talks about where you can find cheap toilets
me:  ROTFLMAO!!!
Mr Amazing:   and Small Child could pee in the backyard whenever
and we can feed the flowers with it
me:  Like he would need the excuse
Mr Amazing:   Well, I ordered it
me: Liar … LMAO 
Mr Amazing:   I am going on ebay to order a toilet
me:  People that buy that book… also buy this… amazon said so
Mr Amazing:   even better, it’s made of porcelain and it’s pretty
me:  LMAO! quit it
Mr Amazing:   can pee in it and add leaves and banana peels and apples, etc
instead of throwing away all of that food
me:  OMG! Stop LMAO!
me:  ROTFLMAO!! OMG
Mr Amazing:    I can’t buy it yet, but the auction is going for 4 more days
I am going to bid $20
me:  I just pinned that toilet on pinterest LMAO
Mr Amazing:   It’s seriously awesome
me:  I titled it “Talk about a pot to piss in”… class just oozes from my pores
Mr Amazing:   I just put in a bid
do you see it yet?
me:  OMG! stop! no you didnt!
Mr Amazing:   I totally did
and I ordered the book
we are going to try this
it’s supposed to help the environment
me:  …
Mr Amazing:   don’t be mad
it really does look cool
right?
me:  Im going to copy this entire conversation and just post it on a blog
Mar 21 2012

Smiffbib – A History Lesson

Author: Kerry

Have you ever asked your child not to talk back… ever answered the petulant “don’t care” with… then you wont care if I throw this toy away… how many times have you said “don’t you tell me no!” …. Usually it is the parent that has to come up with creative ways to make these conversations take a constructive turn and try to instill respect for others balanced with enough self respect to speak your mind and value your own feelings. Not me, Not with my son… after several of these run ins…at the expected ages of somewhere in between 2 and 3ish … one day I softly tell my son… again… that while it is okay to feel anger, it is not okay to express it in such a way that would send a buzz light year action figure sailing through the air at his teen aged hormone enraged sister, who is really too old to be drawn into this pissing match by a toddler… but that is another entry…. His entire face turned red in frustration… his lower lip was shaking knowing he was in control of this ending in a simple time out… or turning into a full fledged meltdown whilst said sister watched with a satisfied smirk… and in that moment I watched that tiny lil cherub face skewed into a demonic expression as he has  this battle of wills… I wondered if he was literally biting his tongue to keep from speaking… I had always wondered if that was just an expression… when he whispered the word “smiffbib”… what? i said? I hadn’t understood him… oh wait… because it made no sense and I had never heard this before… “Smiffbib” he said more clearly… “is that all you have to say for yourself?” I asked… puzzled… but impressed that he hadn’t screamed no… or thrown his little body on the floor in a seizure like spasm… “Yes.. that’s it… Smiffbib” and he smiled as he walked over to serve his time out sentence… I knew then… that he had won… I wasn’t sure at what yet.. I mean.. he was doing his time out… he was not spewing hate at his sister… or myself as sometimes toddlers do… He was quietly sitting in timeout for his three minutes and not making a dive for that god forsaken buzz light year that he has been dragging around since birth to save it from being taken away for the rest of the day…. but clearly from his actions…. he was sure he had won…. I have the clarity of mind to take this out he has given me.. and let it go… turning on the sister to remind her she is the older one… and to act like it… and leave the room to finish dishes before the drawn out whine of ” bbbbuuuuutttt Moooommmmmm” has finished escaping her mouth… And completely forget the incident…. MY son however did not…. A few weeks later I am telling him through an exhausted haze my practiced speech of if he doesn’t get out of the bathtub he will catch a cold… all the heat is clearly gone from the water… it is colder than room temperature… and I am holding a towel open for him to come to wrap in and get warm… when he says it again… “Smiffbib”….. What? this time I smile… so the first time wasn’t an accident… I was right… He had concocted something I couldn’t yet understand…. Do you want to catch a cold and go to the doctor? “Smiffbib mom”…. “Son”… exasperated… “don’t make me count”… He doesn’t, he rarely does… he is an extraordinarily well behaved child… we joke about it … its actually a little terrifying… He has never pushed a child in line for the slide… taken a toy from another child… hit … bit…. spit… nothing… the only time he resembles what you would expect from a happy healthy little rascal is all reserved for his sister… who he worships… and follows… and cries for.. and laughs for.. and loves more than I ever thought possible…. She taught him to write his name as a surprise for me… they worked on it for weeks… his name has 18 letters… they sing a song about everything… when they walk around the block together and I have the windows open I can hear them coming… Singing in a war cry kind of march… “Were almost home… Were almost home”! .. They build forts… they play games… They are not both from my womb… but they don’t act like it… and as crazy as a teen can drive a young mother… her relationship with him saves her life more than once …. Smiffbib became a house hold word… it spread from my vocabulary to that of my friends… making several Facebook status updates… It made me angry several times when it was a brush with danger that was met with that response… and made me giggle when overheard in play… Ive heard it given in advice …. “Sometimes you just have to say Smiffbib”… I hear told to another that is worried about what people think about her…. And one time it made me cry… after his surgery… when they took out the tumor… and I was rubbing vitamin E on his little incision in his five year old crook of his neck… “Does that hurt angel boy? I’m so sorry” he was cringing… “Smiffbib”…. It gets retired sometimes… for a year or two… He is highly offended when he hears others use it… It belongs to him … Until the day we bought the domain… He is twelve now… and intends to get it in Webster’s dictionary… Smiffbib has several meanings… it means No, I don’t care, you cant make me, I feel sorry for myself, I have too much pride, This argument is over, I’m at the end of my rope, but what it really means… is I may have to conform… You may think you can domesticate me like some kind of wild animal… and you can force me to behave.. and teach me these rules that I will not break… but you can’t kill my individuality… you can’t squash my spirit… Smiffbib…. The socially acceptable “Fuck you”.