If you’ve been reading this for a while, you know that I make a half assed attempt to write one of Mama Kat’s writing prompts from her writers workshop each week… well… because she is amazing… and two… I love the opportunities to work these stories into my blog, and just when I couldn’t come up with any other legitimate reason to use the word “clit” in my blog… this week… It happened… she gave me that reason… And I couldn’t pass it up… But there was another prompt that also made me smile when I read it… So I am writing both…
1.) Is your child a morning person? Share a story, picture or list of reasons that supports your opinion.
2.) I almost named my child _______, but chose _______ instead because…
It’s a BOGO… Buy One Get One…. even though you didn’t really buy anything at all… and chances are you are going to find these stories less hilarious and endearing than I do… well because he is Mine… and I love him
I Almost named my child “Tattianna Dawn”, But chose Johnathon instead because… About my fourth ultra sound at 21 weeks (I was a very High Risk Pregnancy, having miscarried several before, and being told I would never have a child) the Ultrasound technician said… “and this little line of pearls are his spine”… “hers” I corrected… they had told me two times with two previous ultra sounds that it was a girl… I had bought the fairy wall paper trim… and had the diaper bag embroidered with her name… and put up the wall stickers… and bought the crib bedding .. and bumpers… and “No, His” she corrected me… “They said it was a girl” I repeated calmly… monotone…. menacingly… “Well…” Zooms in on vital organ… “That is either the biggest clit I have ever seen… or you are having a boy” and I stared in awe at the monitor… and exchanged everything tearfully for Winnie the pooh … the tears of sadness and exchanging of pink for blue were exchanged for tears of joy only nine weeks later (very early) when my healthy little (really little 5pd) boy arrived and I never ever would’ve imagined having him be anyone else….
<Spongebob Voice> Thirteen Years Later
(almost… thirteen years in about 6 weeks! from this morning!!)
6:30 am – Open Door “Good Morning sweet boy! Wake up! Last week of School”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Gutteral groan, full of drool gurgles… burrows deeper into bed
“Get up! We don’t want to be late”
“Unnnngggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Gutteral groan,lifts pillow… Buries head under it
I walk over to the bed and rub the small of his back… His knees are tucked up under him… still… just like I have found him every morning since I can remember… Butt in the air…. I smooth back his once baby soft blonde hair, that is now course and thick… and still the color of straw away from his face and look at his perfect little squinched eyes… beautiful skin with one almond-shaped freckle on his nose (it really is almond-shaped… I didn’t know that happened) and I pull out the Mom voice “Dude”….. A smile spreads across that face… because he knows he has gotten under my skin… “Now”…
“Grrrrrrrr” flings the pillow at the cat that is sleeping at his feet and glares at the window and the light coming through it… as if asking “How dare the sun rise”…. tosses back his covers… and I exit the room… running into Mr Amazing in the hall….
“There is a Zombie in there this morning”
“Uhhhhhhhhhggggggg!!!” from behind the shut door…. Small Child is not a morning person.
You know what? … knowing I hate sequels (especially by the third) … knowing that the actors that I once loved…. are well… old…figuring that there was just nothing more ridiculous to add to the story… I didn’t think there was anyway I would end up at Men in Black 3 this weekend… Small child however… well… he had different plans… He LOVES the first two… and when he saw the trailer for the third was so excited… So we took him… and just prepared to blow 40 bucks on a bad show… to make him happy… THEN magic happened…. I LOVED it… it had every feel good thing about the Men in Black series… the songs in the background… the familiar banter between the beloved, well aged actors…. It was Cheesy… Over the Top… and Perfect! The aliens were a 100 times cooler… and I even allowed myself to get past the cheesiness of it… and really tear up at the end… It’s okay to let that happen sometimes…. I loved it! The violence was not gross… the language was tame… no over the top sexual innuendos… I’m not even sure why it was PG13…. See it… If you’re a fan…(I’m totally over the 3D fad… but this was worth it in 3D… very cool effects)
(People… it’s not just about me or people like me, but everyone … All the poor, indigent, colored, uterus-owning, sick and anyone who can become sick… Everyone.)
Bonus Thoughts on Romney: While he is more moderate than the other Republican candidates… he’s decided to practice the anti intellectual, pro Christian, politics of fear that the rest of the candidates are using to try to win the Republican nomination…. I don’t think Romney has much to offer as a President…. I admire the work he did with the Salt Lake City Olympics, but I don’t think he will actually make the big changes we need to save the US…. He’s not a transformational leader….
Beautiful spring evening… returned from a delicious dinner with Mr. Amazing… Let the beast outside to pee…. Peek down the side of the porch to see if the Sprinkler “key” is there… I really should water the lawn…. BAM! Biff! Boom! (Like on the batman cartoon dammit!)… Yeah… so I fell off the porch… rolled the shit out of my ankle… wrenched my back… bruised the crap out of places I havent even discovered yet… and figured you all should read this (you know… the post about how I am a clutz… yeah that one… people seemed to like it when I first posted it)… It will be a tradition… At some point I will compile them all…
We are fortunate enough to live in the path of this years solar eclipse… Mr amazing stood in line at the local planetarium for 45 minutes to get us glasses… They were completely sold out… by the end of the day….
This image was actually captured with Mr Amazing’s cell phone… through the glasses film… from our driveway…
I know that in our days, eclipses aren’t a big mystery — they occur when the moon passes between Earth and the sun. But imagine what they used to think!! Throughout history, the sun’s significance, along with its mysteriousness, have yielded an array of solar myths… There are five… Really cool myths about eclipses on livescience.com
And you can read about those… and see a million beautiful eclipse pictures on the front page of every newspaper and magazine today… But something getting a lot less coverage is 75,000 people converging on Chicago yesterday for the NATO protest was also pretty amazing…. Just felt it was my moral obligation to make sure you know about both
Mr. Amazing took small child Mothers Day shopping last Sunday morning, Small child had arrived home from his fathers… slightly defeated looking and present-less… and although I had assured him it was okay far in advance to this happening yet again… and talked him through how it would be okay days ahead… it didn’t make him feel much better…
So off they went… To what we call the “Magic Store” (its really the local Michael’s craft store… but the kids think magic comes out of there.. because whatever we do next is always amazing with our supplies…and they are right)
(imagine the spongebob narrator voice) TWO HOURS LATER
Small child finally after several nervous breakdowns and panic attacks chooses a gift and they come home…
Small child has a problem… I don’t know when it started exactly.. he has had it as long as I can remember… Small child cannot make decisions.. he wants them made for him… he is at a time in his life where he needs to be able to decide for himself…
I have never seen panic attacks (full fledged sweat on the brow, swallowing back vomit, room spinning panic attacks) over something as simple as where would you like to go for dinner… but he has them… he always has… we are working on it
Today I found this from one of my favorite people that I’ve never met’s blog… and I was inspired to do this (see image below)!!! For small child to keep with him at all times… this is by far the best advice Ive ever been given… In my adult life.. and I bet the same is true for my cute boy…
“Make one option heads, and the other tails. Hold the coin in your hand for a minute, visualizing the two options on either side. Take a deep breath, and toss the coin into the air. Suddenly it doesn’t matter which side the coin lands on – because you know which side you’re hoping it lands on. You have your answer. And it’s the right one.”