You are horrified… no doubt… that I am writing about you on your birthday.
Perhaps if I were a better mother… I’d save this letter… give it to you privately. But I’m your mother… some days better than other days… and today… while you sleep I wrap your gifts … minecraft … spiderman… you really are still you…
Did you know that when you were two years old… you clapped liked a crazy man on my birthday? Every candle I blew out… every gift I opened… you clapped and clapped in excitement… I don’t remember what the cake looked like… I don’t remember what gifts I received… I just remember your smiling face, your happy eyes, your blonde hair… I’ve hated every birthday of mine… but that one… My gosh, I loved you then.
When you were ten… we had a fight over schoolwork … frustrated… I went to my room and closed my door and screamed at you that I wanted to be alone… And I laid on my bed… trying to figure out how to mother a growing boy with a distinct personality of his own… how to make everything all right… And when you walked into my room, I asked you what you were doing… and I wasn’t kind… And I said, “I don’t know what to do about this.” And you said, “Maybe we could forgive each other.” And that remains the most humbling moment of my life… My gosh, I loved you then.
In your 13th year you buried your father… You played your recital piece for his funeral… for him… And I knew that I would never have been brave enough to do that … My gosh, I loved you then.
You made me a mom… And you made being a mom easy.
You… quiet… learning how to be a man while still being a boy… Sometimes needing me and sometimes not.
And now at 10:09 am… you will be 14… And we’re going to figure this out, you and me… You’re going to figure out how to grow up… And I’m going to figure out how to parent you as you do… we will mess up… I will make mistakes… so will you… I’m going to try to hug you in public… your going to make inappropriate jokes… we are going to forgive each other… we are going to survives this… because… My gosh, I love you in this moment.
Happy Birthday Angel Boy.
Oh my gosh, you made me cry. Happy happy birthday to you and your wonderful boy.
He is my miracle… and now he has armpit hair. .. he still tells me he loves me and hugs and kisses me everyday
So glad you joined me for Wordless Wednesday at The Jenny Evolution. Silence may be golden, but I hope you’re making some noise this weekend.
Jennifer
thejennyevolution.com