I am cheating… lets just get that out of the way right now… because there is a conversation that happened tonight … between Small Child and Mr. Amazing (Who I understand technically is not a kid… but he plays video games… and makes up song lyrics about pooping… and twerks … so I rest my case) … and I am going to have to paraphrase a bit… even though this took place only an hour and a half ago… memories get sketchy under great duress… so you get the following
Mr Amazing: Dude, that stache has got to go… Like tonight… I can’t let you go to school again with that on your face… I will get one of your moms razors and some soap and do it if I have too
Small Child: REALLY? Because she won’t let me shave!!
Me: <Nothing because I am DYING INSIDE>
Mr Amazing: He needs to shave it tonight
Small Child: I’ll get the shaving kit!
Tall child gave him this as a gift when he was 12 much to his delight, and much to my dismay, which I promptly took away and “hid” in the top of the hall closet, apparently not fooling anyone because he got it right away
Mr Amazing: You have to charge it first
Small Child flips the switch and it buzz’s to life… assholes.
Mr Amazing: Curl your lip like this and go up and down over it until you get all the hair off
Small Child: Does it hurt?
Mr Amazing: No, its just like getting a hair cut
Small Child: I’m Nervous!
He walks into the bathroom, does the weird poke his lip out wrapping it around his teeth face at the mirror and begins BUTCHERING my very SOUL… I hear the hair cutting from his face… that I had been properly ignoring for the last 30 days or so… as the “peach fuzz” turned brown and no matter how many times I told him to wash his face it just wouldn’t come off
Mr Amazing: You missed a spot!!
Small Child: Did I get it?
Mr Amazing: Hold still … gimme that…
Small Child: I got this!
Mr Amazing: There! Looks much better!
Small Child: Can I use aftershave
AFTER SHAVE??? HE HAS AFTER SHAVE??? Apparently he does! Because he comes back all man smelling.
Me: We are celebrating this manhood with Gingerbread shakes!
Translation: Im eating my feelings… with a Gingerbread Shake!
THE END (of my story, and the conversation, and my sanity and HIS CHILDHOOD! Dammit)
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