Ha ha… well I have been in a bit of a self loathing mode lately… public humiliation seems to be a great way to round that off… I am a blogger because I have an endless supplies of stories to tell… and below is some of my best material that I have yet to turn into posts… one day I will do each of these things justice… these are probably not the most embarrassing… they are just what came to mind first… and they are not in any kind of chronological order… and are not ordered by the amount of embarrassment experienced… they are simply spilt out into the keyboard to make us all feel better about ourselves today… No matter where I am today… I am not in any of the places below… and for that I am grateful
1- Making Amends with the Barricade
I have shared the story about the time I almost blew up the kitchen… and that I didn’t understand how a vacuum worked… I dont often talk about what happened to get me in that halfway house… and I still wont… but I will say that something I decided to do whilst living there was make amends for some horrible things I had done… and I made some phone calls and I wrote some letters… and I took responsibility for my part of things… and I let go of things that weren’t mine… Oddly… one said thing was a barricade… you know the kind… Orange and white striped… flashing round light on top… I found the owner of Greenes construction company and returned the apartment decor I had been hauling around for about a year… Yeah.. That happened
2- “It gives me hope… and you cant put a price on hope”
28 years old… haven just given birth to my son… I lost 100 pounds.. ironically I had more to lose… and did not… also I gained about half of that back… but not before I starred in a weight loss commercial that aired on latenight TV for years for the supplement I used to help me… I would show it here… but I torched every copy of it in existence… Ever wonder about those ladies on the commercials? That happened.
3- Only 1 OSHA recordable that year…
I was on the safety committee for the company I worked for at the time… I flew to chicago for two weeks for training… at which point I was informed we had only one osha recordable that year… Some girl in Salt Lake City had fallen down a man hole…. unbeknownst to the trainer.. I was that girl… unfortunately… it was not unbeknownst to my colleagues… totally happened.
4- Ohhh There he is! do you want a mirror so you can see his head?
“IF YOU CAN SEE HIS HEAD… THEN YOU CAN GET HIM OUT OF ME… PULL HIM OUT!”
I could not make this shit up.
5 – Let’s do the timewarp again
During my divorce… I struggled alot… sometimes I drank those struggles away… One time I drank them and rallied my entire mormon neighborhood at 4 am to do the TimeWarp on my front lawn….
Some other time remind me to tell you the story about the time I camped out on Robert Englund’s lawn until he asked me to leave… I have a thing for Freddy…