Oh Hell No…

“The house was haunted. Well, at least it was haunted while I was there. As soon as I left, the house cleared up.
” – Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

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I remember when I was 15… a group of us kids took some canned food for donations and entry into the haunted house just a few days before Halloween… I was so excited… I loved Halloween.. I loved scary movies… I loved being out late at night with my friends… and then I heard the chainsaw roar… and we walked through the doors …

I am behind my friend and have strong-armed him into position directly in front of me… Like a shield… someone you never see walks around the room… occasionally pausing to stroke your face or jab at your neck with a hand in strangle formation or the point of something sharp… You never see any of this coming. It just happens. In the dark.

Chain saws… screams… CLOWNS… it is 45 minutes of hell… most of which my eyes are closed… I can now feel my friends skin through the t shirt that I have shredded while clinging to it… Later… he shows me actual claw marks left on his back… as he informs me I was the scariest part of the whole experience for him.

Never ever again did I go to a haunted house… I ride through spook rides at amusement parks with my eyes closed and act like I enjoy the whole thing… This past Friday Small Child asked to go with some friends to the SAME HAUNTED HOUSE (I could not make this up) I agree to let him go… I even offer to drive them… I drop them off at the gate warning them to be careful… and I move to the furthest location of the parking lot and I wait… allowing them to believe I have left.

THERE IS NO WAY I AM LEAVING MY BABY THERE!

after sitting there in the dark 10 minutes or so… I hear the scraping of feet draggin through the gravel of the lot… It is pitch black… I start looking frantically around me… I see several figures moving through the parking lot… in rags… and walking with a dead limb or a dislocated looking shoulder… SHIT!… I text Mr. Amazing…. he is soooooo sorry… BAM! on my back window… and swamp voodoo mans face is pressed up against the glass… I scream … pee a little (okay not really… but if my bladder had had ANYTHING in it… would’ve happened)

and flipped the stupid kid off

OH HELL NO!

I crack my window and inform the monsters that I am waiting for some teens that are inside… and they can move on to the next victim… and spend the next hour checking all my mirrors like a wild woman.

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Small child loved it.

Next year he can drive his own damn self!

Shout out for this walk down memory lane… and the nightmares are dedicated to the greatest writers workshop in the world!

mama kats Something that scared you when you were young…are you still afraid?

8 comments on “Oh Hell No…

  1. Kat

    That description of your experience is hilarious! I haven’t been to a haunted house since I was in high school…because they scared the pee out of me too!

    1. Kerry

      ha ha! Love your guts!

  2. MJ

    I have the same trauma when I entered a haunted house when I was around 11 or 12. Have never gotten over it and avoid haunted houses like plagues. To this day, I can still smell my fear. Brrr….did it suddenly just get cold in here?

    1. Kerry

      Yikes! 11-12 is REALLY young for that!

    1. Kerry

      Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Melissa

    LOL! I would’ve peed for sure! This reminded me of my last haunted house experience…. full on panic attack. I was 26. I will never go to another one! Thanks for the laugh!

    1. Kerry

      Im starting to think we should start a support group! LOL You are awesome!