Bringing Magic Back

In the quest to figure out what I am doing with my life… for my life… why my life… I have been just floating in the wind of change… letting the changes happen… Im at a really rough time of year for me (anniversary of Something Lost) and I find my emotions and moods and temperament as crazy as the weather… and I am going through some bizarre midlife crisis… and anxiety in our house is smothering at this point with all of the recent changes my little squad has gone through… the population of this country is so negative with the elections that even my 9 year old is spouting off serious hate for Donald Trump because it is the cool thing to do at school? (who can blame her or all of them really) and sometimes we in this house feel the bern… and sometimes we just cross our fingers and hope Cruz gets beat… by anyone… (I am totally thrilled with Bernie or Hillary as an option for that) but the discussion amongst the smalls amazes me… everyone hates someone… and everyone is so angry…

I woke up Tuesday morning assuming I would continue down the path of painting my life away… my latest obsession has been quotes on canvas… word arty type shit… when I realized I had two birthday presents to buy… and out of no where I decided I was going to the local garden store, which I can count on one hand how many times ive been there… and my ability to kill every living plant is another topic for a blog all together… but I went anyways…

Once there I found myself in the fairy garden section… Pause here for a little explanation… I dont blog about it… (at least I dont remember blogging about it) but I am HUGE believer in paying it forward as often as I can… I buy meals and coffees for people behind me in drive thrus… I buy random outfits and rent tuxs for my favorite family around the corner (My cookie wifes crew) … I buy sandwiches for the homeless… I buy dogfood for the dogs of the homeless… I always seem to be in a place at a time… and it just happens…. This particular morning in question… I believe it all came about the way it did because I was supposed to do this random act of kindness… because I had never even thought about a fairy garden before …. and I didnt even know if the 2 people who I needed birthday gifts for gave a shit about fairy gardens… Unpause…. I am browsing the darling section at the garden store… and I hear the employees asking if they all had gotten a text… about someone who was VERY ill and they were drilling into her bones to get something out? some infection? and it was all so awful sounding and they were all planning on going in on gift…. and lo and behold… what they wanted to go in on was an indoor fairy garden… but the pot to start it was 50$… so they needed cash from everyone… then they would get a few small things to put in it…. So I grabbed the stuff for my projects that I wanted… and went to the cash register feeling rather strange… realizing that these ladies made way less than I do… and 50$ to them meant a whole lot more than it did to me… and I quietly asked the cashier if I could buy the pot for the girls in the back fairy garden… the cashier was the daughter in law of the sick person… and she was the sweetest thing on the planet that morning for me… I really needed the hug she came around the counter to give me… and I asked her not to tell anyone and I took my purchases and headed to the craft store next…. the craft store… it’s dangerous as hell for me…

Here is how my two gifts ended up (They were fucking awesome and the people who got them LOVED them) it couldn’t have gone better.

This one was for my Ride Or Die Chick :)

This one was for my Ride Or Die Chick ūüôā Its amazing and I wired it with purple lights that light up! and those lil fairies are obviously drinking the wine….

and something a little tamer for Mr. Amazings little sister

and something a little tamer for Mr. Amazings little sister


Then when at the craft store getting a few more little things… something else happened… I was falling in love with all the miniature stuff… its so cute… and I had been wondering how I could brighten the mood in our little town… and I had been finding all these amazing quotes to paint and practicing my lettering… and well…. I am now full swing into this little project.

Door1 Door2 Door3 Door4 Door5 Door6 Door7 Door8

I was working on this one last night... with 2 glasses of wine (which only happens like once every couple of months so I was SUPER not painting straight) Soooo I will be fixing this one up a bit

I was working on this one last night… with 2 glasses of wine (which only happens like once every couple of months so I was SUPER not painting straight) Soooo I will be fixing this one up a bit


And then… After glazing them… and using an adhesive on the back… I placed the first six in various spots around town… I told my smalls when I placed them that I knew they would be taken… destroyed… kicked… whatever… that I didnt care… That if I made even one person smile for each door I was going to keep doing it… I put them in places that they wouldnt hurt anything… Not destroy any property… and then I watched… The one on the tree was at a park… I drove by three times that day to tons of kids staring at it in happy fascination … it was gone by the end of the day… I can only hope some little girl took it and put it in her room ūüôā

The black one I put outside an old book store that sells and buys used books…. The purple one with the Buddha quote I placed on a boarded up window of an abandoned building on main street…. The double doors ended up on the walking trail behind the library… one on a low income over crowded child care facility mail box (I figure some kids need some magic more than others) one in a visitor parking lot shared by an old folks home and the hospital… and that was it… Ive checked on them a few times… The others are all still where I placed them… and I cant help but wonder if people are seeing them… smiling… finding hope…

There is a big rainstorm slated for today… I will go again and check them afterwards… to see if they are ruined and need to be thrown away (I mean, Its art im not littering right? but I wont leave trash out there) and I started on my next set of them … as you can see above… I also painted a shit ton (that is a unit of measure) of tiny mushrooms (out of dowels) … I figure if the ones out there stand up to the storm… I will add mushrooms to the area… to keep them from becoming something people just pass everyday and dont notice the small miracles life offers.

Tiny lil mushrooms

Tiny lil mushrooms

Last but not least… I have been on a clothing kick lately… and I have been wearing the most awesome stuff… Here was my fairy door attire…. Notice the shoes… thats all… Spread Kindness Like Confetti PEOPLE! I LOVE YOU ALL!


OMG… Like I wrote a real blog… maybe thats what this whole journey is about… getting back to writing finally…. whatever… I have a TON of doors to get painting

NSFW… in a SFW kinda way

Well… I’ve also got to introduce a new character I suppose to this blog…She needs a name… Let’s just call her the CoffeelessCanadian…

Ya kinda hafta come in mid conversation… Be warned… this is a real thing however… and I wouldn’t click the links if you are at work or have small children around you… but you will eventually need to click the links… because… someone somewhere out there is wearing that underwear… and you wouldn’t even know it. Also… I used the NSFW acronym because well… its funny… and this¬†(SFW) but all the JUNK is covered… I don’t wanna be staring at it… hell I do not even know how they walk around with those things!



CoffeelessCanadian: You know you are going to get us both some for CHRISTMAS!

Me: Can’t… I’ve already ordered you this for Christmas – Real EBAY Auction Link¬†(NSFW)¬†


CoffeelessCanadian: OMG STOP GOGGLING THEM!

Me: They could have at least waxed… just sayin’

CoffeelessCanadian: ROTFL that’s what you notice??? I’m trying to figure out why he is smelling his pits

Me: ROTFLMAO! They are wearing rubber-bands over their JUNK and that is what you notice?

CoffeelessCanadian: I Don’t want him. He is tooooo young and he’d be sloppy GUARANTEED! and I want pants.

Me:  Woman.. anyone that wants whatever kinda man in that thong has issues. It just looks painful!

CoffeelessCanadian: Good hell woman! PANTS! move on… too young.. and judging by his nose placement he has not showered in a while

Me: What if it becomes a swimsuit trend!

CoffeelessCanadian: Then I am putting in my own friggin pool!

Me: Right? Cause your father in law… or any father for that matter…. You are welcome

CoffeelessCanadian: OMG I may officially hate you for that.


I love it when he talks dirty to me…

Chat ūüôā

¬†me:¬†¬†I am buying “King Sized” Muffin tins on amazon… that is all…¬†Imma make all kinds of stuff in those things… I found more ideas… some include yummy dinner things


Mr. Amazing:  lol dinner muffins


me:¬†¬†Mini Meatloafs dude! Its gonna happen¬†(Those are words I never ever thought I would say… ever… I have made it a point to NEVER make meatloaf)


Mr. Amazing:  Ugh


me:¬†¬†But actually… I was thinking this little taco recipe… LOL and there are other things… chicken bakes… etc.


Mr. Amazing:¬†tacos and muffins –¬†seems suspicious


me:¬†¬†Bahahaha Just go with it… im cooking shit… its a miracle


Mr. Amazing:¬†I was more thinking that with all of this talk about tacos and muffins…


me:  What!.. what ya gonna say? LOLOLOL!


Mr. Amazing:  Urban Dictionary … that is all




Mr. Amazing:Any number of possibly insulting, more than likely crude, nsfw and otherwise inappropriate comments may ensue (that would be a hilarious tagline for smiffbib)


me:  YES! Yes it would!

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

I totally made these btw. My Cookie Wife would be so proud!!!

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.


Fat Tuesday on Funday Friday :)

Technically this is just a bunch of Gibberish… but it makes me laugh… really there are even two morals to this story…. Bread and Butter Pickles are Nasty…. and Mr Amazing swears a lot when lacking sleep.

Mr. Amazing:  today is dragging so bad that the day itself is literally sad

me:¬†¬†Its so sad its comfort eating… that is why its Fat Tuesday

Mr. Amazing: ¬†Fat Tuesday is literally a giant horrible sad monster baby crying for it’s mama

me:  and its mama is a doughnut!

Mr. Amazing: literally

me:  I want one

Mr. Amazing:  I literally went out on a limb with that one

me:  Bahahaha

Mr. Amazing: irregardless of the mama doughnut

me:  We should get doughnuts

Mr. Amazing: LOL I am figuratively a horrible person

me:  You are full of all the words

Mr. Amazing:  irregardless literally bothers me to death

me:  Your words make me wanna throat punch you

Mr. Amazing:¬† so does “aint’ got none”

me:¬†¬†OH OH! how about “Aint nobody gots time fo dat!”

Mr. Amazing: one doughnut and a side of pithy sarcasm

me:¬†¬†instead- I am feeding you a hot dog for dinner… and your gonna like it

Mr. Amazing:  use gonna like it

me:  With chips on the side- I am literally not cooking shit

Mr. Amazing:good, because I really, really, really want to avoid you literally cooking shit


Mr. Amazing:  in fact, compared to literal shit, hot dogs seem pretty okay

me:  Thats why I present it that, we helps with expectations

Mr. Amazing: Yes, thanks for lower my expectations to a reasonable (if not menial) level

me:¬†¬†I have hotdog buns… its a gourmet meal

Mr. Amazing: Oh yeah!

me:  I dont even wanna eat the hot dogs

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO Hows about with pickles and sauerkraut

me:¬†¬†Maybe with Sauerkraut but… even then im not so sure… maybe smothered in Nacho Cheese

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO that sounds nasty

me:  I like cheese (Stating the obvious is my super power)

Mr. Amazing: General Obvious?

me:¬†¬†Ahem… Captain….Obviously

Mr. Amazing:  Fine… Captain Obvious I got paid!

me:  OH! (We still have to eat the hotdogs, or the buns will go stale)

Mr. Amazing:¬†¬†Okay¬†But we can have dessert….¬†<evil laughter>

me:¬†¬†LOL!¬†Actually- If you send me money… I might really go buy Saurkraut

Mr. Amazing:  OMG РDay… Fucking END

me:  14 minutes

Mr. Amazing: Seriously, I am about to BITCH slap FAT Tuesday

me:  ROTFLMAO!!! I CANNOT believe you just said that

Mr. Amazing:  I am laughing at my desk like an idiot

me:  Ditto

Mr. Amazing:¬†Kerry‚Ķ I can’t stop

me:  Do you want chili for your hot dogs? You need sleep

Mr. Amazing:  I want mustard

me:  we have mustard

Mr. Amazing: and pickles

me:  Uhhhh Im not sure where we are the pickle front

Mr. Amazing:¬†cuz I think the we have the‚Ķ “It’s a TRAP!!!”

pickles in the fridge the bread and butter tastes like shit evil pickles of doom

Fuck you Bread n’ Butter pickles‚Ķ Fuck you….

¬†me:¬†¬†ROTFLMAO!¬†Gimme your monies! I will buy you pickles… and destroy the enemy ones

… Meg and the Tomatillo Enchiladas (Sounds like a childs book)

Me: In the oven at this moment is green tomatillo enchilada magic…. You owe¬†meg
¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†uh ¬†Me… Not¬†meg
¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†I don’t even know who¬†meg¬†is
¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†If you know a¬†meg… You don’t owe her… You owe me
Mr Amazing: lol I owe Meg, got it
Me: Nooooo not¬†meg… I will kick¬†Meg’s ass.
Mr Amazing: lol
Mr Amazing: Okay…
Me: Is this meg? I found her on my iPad
Mr Amazing: Oh shit,¬†She doesn’t mean anything to me
                            I promise
             Neither does things one I suppose
Mr Amazing: Nope, not a thing
Me: You’re a floozy

Mr Amazing: I have been called many things
Me: Yeah.. Well My iPad is full of em
Mr Amazing: Lazy, annoying, cold, cruel, mean, forgetful, depressing, killjoy
¬†¬†but never “floozy”
Me: Well.. There you go
¬†¬†There’s a first for everything
(Try making those magic enchiladas meg!!! Good luck with that!!! I’m posting the recipe only to show off that I can now use a stove… incase you read my other post)
Chicken green tomatillo enchiladas.
This recipe is a great enchilada sauce, if you wanted little more spicy, throw in extra jalapenos. it will make about 8 enchiladas. 2 per person.
Number of Servings: 4
8 flour tortillas
4 oz mozzarela
shredded chicken breast 12 oz
Canned Tomatillos (large)
Sour cream (One pint (I use the substitute))
1 Can chicken broth
*Boil chicken breast for about 30 min. shredd the meat.
*boil green tomatillos,peppers,garlic for about 10 min.
*add to blender broth, tomatillos, sourcream.
medium deep pan add the tomatillo sauce as a bottom layer
Roll Tortillas with chicken and cheese. add a little more sauce on top and put some cheese on top of enchiladas.
Enjoy! (Bake at 375 til melted and gooey and bubbling)

… Arachnids on Crack

I found this… All proper credit is given… I just thought it deserved a republication!!!

Spiders On Drugs

Scientists at the United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have turned their attention from the mysteries of the cosmos to a more esoteric area of research: what happens when you get a spider stoned. Their experiments have shown that common house spiders spin their webs in different ways according to the psychotropic drug they have been given. Nasa scientists believe the research demonstrates that web-spinning spiders can be used to test drugs because the more toxic the chemical, the more deformed was the web.

* Spiders on marijuana made a reasonable stab at spinning webs but appeared to lose concentration about half-way through.

* Those on Benzedrine – “speed” – spin their webs “with great gusto, but apparently without much planning leaving large holes”, according to New Scientist magazine.

* Caffeine, one of the most common drugs consumed by Britons in soft drinks, tea and coffee, makes spiders incapable of spinning anything better than a few threads strung together at random.

* On chloral hydrat, an ingredient of sleeping pills, spiders “drop off before they even get started”.

* See what happens to their mental state.

Start with a Drug Free Spider Web

Web created while exposed to Mescaline\Peyote


   Web created while exposed to LSD

Web created while exposed to Marijuana


    Web created exposed to Caffeine

Web created exposed to Benzedrine/Speed

    Web created exposed to Chloral Hydrat (sleeping pills)


… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

1 am.. We have got to stop meeting like this… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

KERRY HAS FORGOTTEN what it was like to sleep.

It hadn’t been that long since she’d¬†had¬†sleep that she’d forget, surely… Nevertheless, she had.

She had memories of sleep.

Well … vague memories, anyway.

She vaguely remembered how good it felt to put her head down on the soft coolness of a pillow.

She¬†vaguely¬†remembered what it was like to feel as though she were melting into the comfort of a nice… soft mattress.

She vaguely remembered what it was like to get the covers just right so that she was warm where she wanted to be warm and cool where she wanted to be cool.

… The Never Ending Nipple

me:  Ummmm The universe wants to marry me, and wants me to have this ring.
Mr. Amazing:¬†¬†Tell the Universe to fuck off, you’re taken
 me:  LMAO
Mr. Amazing:¬† But if the universe wants to give you a ring¬†that’s different
 me:  I think it wants me to have that ring!!
Mr. Amazing:¬†¬†.01 carat diamonds…¬†1% of a nice diamond
¬†me:¬†¬†its a snake… did you miss that part… the snake…
Mr. Amazing:  black rhodium snake
 me:  It wants me to wear it!
Mr. Amazing:  
That’s what I want
¬†me:¬†¬†That is awesome… but really… where would you wear that¬†ROTFLMAO! Like giant bling on your chest to work?
Mr. Amazing:  I would wear it all the  time, I would call it a religious talisman and start to cry if someone asked about it and then stare up into the sky and fake meditate Latin words
 Mr. Amazing:  I want that now, I would wear it under my shirt and tell them it was my sacred necklace
 me:  I would get you a long enough chain that it would look like a nipple
a never ending nipple
¬†me:¬†¬†If I had a tattoo gun… you would never be safe to sleep again… you would have oracle nipples
Mr. Amazing:  oracle? why oracle? what does that even mean?
¬†me:¬†¬†The southern oracle… The two halves… Im naming your nipples
 Mr. Amazing: and why would you have a tatoo gun
 me:  it could happen
 Mr. Amazing  the Southern oracle that would be a bad ass tattoo
 me:  Your nip could be the eye
that opens and kills people if they are afraid, and they will all be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  LOL I would be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  I like that Auryn medallion, The universe wants me to have it
 me:  The universe speaks in mysterious ways
Mr. Amazing: yes, yes it does

Chimps gone wild! & Dinosaur Porn! … It Must be Friday!

This¬†isn’t¬†a real post… I like to think of it as more like a Public Service Announcement…. <Cue announcer voice> “We Will be interrupting the normal Friday nonsense for these…







Residents in Las Vegas warned again¬†Chimpanzees¬†on the loose…. Best headline ever… I guess what happens in Vegas rule¬†doesn’t¬†apply to Primates







Scientists rendered images of Dinosaurs having sex… really… apparently they have been working on this theory for decades…. WOW … well…. Just

look for yourself…. ¬†THANK YOU DAILY MAIL!


I couldn’t make this shit up…Well…. real life wins…..







and I win the interwebs!!!


P.s. If you are new here… its not always nonsense…¬†I’ve¬†been writing some¬†pieces¬†that are going up this next week that I am very Proud of… Stay Tuned.