NSFW… in a SFW kinda way

Well… I’ve also got to introduce a new character I suppose to this blog…She needs a name… Let’s just call her the CoffeelessCanadian…

Ya kinda hafta come in mid conversation… Be warned… this is a real thing however… and I wouldn’t click the links if you are at work or have small children around you… but you will eventually need to click the links… because… someone somewhere out there is wearing that underwear… and you wouldn’t even know it. Also… I used the NSFW acronym because well… its funny… and this (SFW) but all the JUNK is covered… I don’t wanna be staring at it… hell I do not even know how they walk around with those things!



CoffeelessCanadian: You know you are going to get us both some for CHRISTMAS!

Me: Can’t… I’ve already ordered you this for Christmas – Real EBAY Auction Link (NSFW) 


CoffeelessCanadian: OMG STOP GOGGLING THEM!

Me: They could have at least waxed… just sayin’

CoffeelessCanadian: ROTFL that’s what you notice??? I’m trying to figure out why he is smelling his pits

Me: ROTFLMAO! They are wearing rubber-bands over their JUNK and that is what you notice?

CoffeelessCanadian: I Don’t want him. He is tooooo young and he’d be sloppy GUARANTEED! and I want pants.

Me:  Woman.. anyone that wants whatever kinda man in that thong has issues. It just looks painful!

CoffeelessCanadian: Good hell woman! PANTS! move on… too young.. and judging by his nose placement he has not showered in a while

Me: What if it becomes a swimsuit trend!

CoffeelessCanadian: Then I am putting in my own friggin pool!

Me: Right? Cause your father in law… or any father for that matter…. You are welcome

CoffeelessCanadian: OMG I may officially hate you for that.


I love it when he talks dirty to me…

Chat :)

 me:  I am buying “King Sized” Muffin tins on amazon… that is all… Imma make all kinds of stuff in those things… I found more ideas… some include yummy dinner things


Mr. Amazing:  lol dinner muffins


me:  Mini Meatloafs dude! Its gonna happen (Those are words I never ever thought I would say… ever… I have made it a point to NEVER make meatloaf)


Mr. Amazing:  Ugh


me:  But actually… I was thinking this little taco recipe… LOL and there are other things… chicken bakes… etc.


Mr. Amazing: tacos and muffins – seems suspicious


me:  Bahahaha Just go with it… im cooking shit… its a miracle


Mr. Amazing: I was more thinking that with all of this talk about tacos and muffins…


me:  What!.. what ya gonna say? LOLOLOL!


Mr. Amazing:  Urban Dictionary … that is all




Mr. Amazing:Any number of possibly insulting, more than likely crude, nsfw and otherwise inappropriate comments may ensue (that would be a hilarious tagline for smiffbib)


me:  YES! Yes it would!

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

I totally made these btw. My Cookie Wife would be so proud!!!

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.


Fat Tuesday on Funday Friday :)

Technically this is just a bunch of Gibberish… but it makes me laugh… really there are even two morals to this story…. Bread and Butter Pickles are Nasty…. and Mr Amazing swears a lot when lacking sleep.

Mr. Amazing:  today is dragging so bad that the day itself is literally sad

me:  Its so sad its comfort eating… that is why its Fat Tuesday

Mr. Amazing:  Fat Tuesday is literally a giant horrible sad monster baby crying for it’s mama

me:  and its mama is a doughnut!

Mr. Amazing: literally

me:  I want one

Mr. Amazing:  I literally went out on a limb with that one

me:  Bahahaha

Mr. Amazing: irregardless of the mama doughnut

me:  We should get doughnuts

Mr. Amazing: LOL I am figuratively a horrible person

me:  You are full of all the words

Mr. Amazing:  irregardless literally bothers me to death

me:  Your words make me wanna throat punch you

Mr. Amazing:  so does “aint’ got none”

me:  OH OH! how about “Aint nobody gots time fo dat!”

Mr. Amazing: one doughnut and a side of pithy sarcasm

me:  instead- I am feeding you a hot dog for dinner… and your gonna like it

Mr. Amazing:  use gonna like it

me:  With chips on the side- I am literally not cooking shit

Mr. Amazing:good, because I really, really, really want to avoid you literally cooking shit


Mr. Amazing:  in fact, compared to literal shit, hot dogs seem pretty okay

me:  Thats why I present it that, we helps with expectations

Mr. Amazing: Yes, thanks for lower my expectations to a reasonable (if not menial) level

me:  I have hotdog buns… its a gourmet meal

Mr. Amazing: Oh yeah!

me:  I dont even wanna eat the hot dogs

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO Hows about with pickles and sauerkraut

me:  Maybe with Sauerkraut but… even then im not so sure… maybe smothered in Nacho Cheese

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO that sounds nasty

me:  I like cheese (Stating the obvious is my super power)

Mr. Amazing: General Obvious?

me:  Ahem… Captain….Obviously

Mr. Amazing:  Fine… Captain Obvious I got paid!

me:  OH! (We still have to eat the hotdogs, or the buns will go stale)

Mr. Amazing:  Okay But we can have dessert…. <evil laughter>

me:  LOL! Actually- If you send me money… I might really go buy Saurkraut

Mr. Amazing:  OMG – Day… Fucking END

me:  14 minutes

Mr. Amazing: Seriously, I am about to BITCH slap FAT Tuesday

me:  ROTFLMAO!!! I CANNOT believe you just said that

Mr. Amazing:  I am laughing at my desk like an idiot

me:  Ditto

Mr. Amazing: Kerry… I can’t stop

me:  Do you want chili for your hot dogs? You need sleep

Mr. Amazing:  I want mustard

me:  we have mustard

Mr. Amazing: and pickles

me:  Uhhhh Im not sure where we are the pickle front

Mr. Amazing: cuz I think the we have the… “It’s a TRAP!!!”

pickles in the fridge the bread and butter tastes like shit evil pickles of doom

Fuck you Bread n’ Butter pickles… Fuck you….

 me:  ROTFLMAO! Gimme your monies! I will buy you pickles… and destroy the enemy ones

… Meg and the Tomatillo Enchiladas (Sounds like a childs book)

Me: In the oven at this moment is green tomatillo enchilada magic…. You owe meg
         uh  Me… Not meg
         I don’t even know who meg is
         If you know a meg… You don’t owe her… You owe me
Mr Amazing: lol I owe Meg, got it
Me: Nooooo not meg… I will kick Meg’s ass.
Mr Amazing: lol
Mr Amazing: Okay…
Me: Is this meg? I found her on my iPad
Mr Amazing: Oh shit, She doesn’t mean anything to me
                            I promise
             Neither does things one I suppose
Mr Amazing: Nope, not a thing
Me: You’re a floozy

Mr Amazing: I have been called many things
Me: Yeah.. Well My iPad is full of em
Mr Amazing: Lazy, annoying, cold, cruel, mean, forgetful, depressing, killjoy
  but never “floozy”
Me: Well.. There you go
  There’s a first for everything
(Try making those magic enchiladas meg!!! Good luck with that!!! I’m posting the recipe only to show off that I can now use a stove… incase you read my other post)
Chicken green tomatillo enchiladas.
This recipe is a great enchilada sauce, if you wanted little more spicy, throw in extra jalapenos. it will make about 8 enchiladas. 2 per person.
Number of Servings: 4
8 flour tortillas
4 oz mozzarela
shredded chicken breast 12 oz
Canned Tomatillos (large)
Sour cream (One pint (I use the substitute))
1 Can chicken broth
*Boil chicken breast for about 30 min. shredd the meat.
*boil green tomatillos,peppers,garlic for about 10 min.
*add to blender broth, tomatillos, sourcream.
medium deep pan add the tomatillo sauce as a bottom layer
Roll Tortillas with chicken and cheese. add a little more sauce on top and put some cheese on top of enchiladas.
Enjoy! (Bake at 375 til melted and gooey and bubbling)

… Arachnids on Crack

I found this… All proper credit is given… I just thought it deserved a republication!!!

Spiders On Drugs

Scientists at the United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have turned their attention from the mysteries of the cosmos to a more esoteric area of research: what happens when you get a spider stoned. Their experiments have shown that common house spiders spin their webs in different ways according to the psychotropic drug they have been given. Nasa scientists believe the research demonstrates that web-spinning spiders can be used to test drugs because the more toxic the chemical, the more deformed was the web.

* Spiders on marijuana made a reasonable stab at spinning webs but appeared to lose concentration about half-way through.

* Those on Benzedrine – “speed” – spin their webs “with great gusto, but apparently without much planning leaving large holes”, according to New Scientist magazine.

* Caffeine, one of the most common drugs consumed by Britons in soft drinks, tea and coffee, makes spiders incapable of spinning anything better than a few threads strung together at random.

* On chloral hydrat, an ingredient of sleeping pills, spiders “drop off before they even get started”.

* See what happens to their mental state.

Start with a Drug Free Spider Web

Web created while exposed to Mescaline\Peyote


   Web created while exposed to LSD

Web created while exposed to Marijuana


    Web created exposed to Caffeine

Web created exposed to Benzedrine/Speed

    Web created exposed to Chloral Hydrat (sleeping pills)


… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

1 am.. We have got to stop meeting like this… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

KERRY HAS FORGOTTEN what it was like to sleep.

It hadn’t been that long since she’d had sleep that she’d forget, surely… Nevertheless, she had.

She had memories of sleep.

Well … vague memories, anyway.

She vaguely remembered how good it felt to put her head down on the soft coolness of a pillow.

She vaguely remembered what it was like to feel as though she were melting into the comfort of a nice… soft mattress.

She vaguely remembered what it was like to get the covers just right so that she was warm where she wanted to be warm and cool where she wanted to be cool.

… The Never Ending Nipple

me:  Ummmm The universe wants to marry me, and wants me to have this ring.
Mr. Amazing:  Tell the Universe to fuck off, you’re taken
 me:  LMAO
Mr. Amazing:  But if the universe wants to give you a ring that’s different
 me:  I think it wants me to have that ring!!
Mr. Amazing:  .01 carat diamonds… 1% of a nice diamond
 me:  its a snake… did you miss that part… the snake…
Mr. Amazing:  black rhodium snake
 me:  It wants me to wear it!
Mr. Amazing:  
That’s what I want
 me:  That is awesome… but really… where would you wear that ROTFLMAO! Like giant bling on your chest to work?
Mr. Amazing:  I would wear it all the  time, I would call it a religious talisman and start to cry if someone asked about it and then stare up into the sky and fake meditate Latin words
 Mr. Amazing:  I want that now, I would wear it under my shirt and tell them it was my sacred necklace
 me:  I would get you a long enough chain that it would look like a nipple
a never ending nipple
 me:  If I had a tattoo gun… you would never be safe to sleep again… you would have oracle nipples
Mr. Amazing:  oracle? why oracle? what does that even mean?
 me:  The southern oracle… The two halves… Im naming your nipples
 Mr. Amazing: and why would you have a tatoo gun
 me:  it could happen
 Mr. Amazing  the Southern oracle that would be a bad ass tattoo
 me:  Your nip could be the eye
that opens and kills people if they are afraid, and they will all be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  LOL I would be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  I like that Auryn medallion, The universe wants me to have it
 me:  The universe speaks in mysterious ways
Mr. Amazing: yes, yes it does

Chimps gone wild! & Dinosaur Porn! … It Must be Friday!

This isn’t a real post… I like to think of it as more like a Public Service Announcement…. <Cue announcer voice> “We Will be interrupting the normal Friday nonsense for these…







Residents in Las Vegas warned again Chimpanzees on the loose…. Best headline ever… I guess what happens in Vegas rule doesn’t apply to Primates







Scientists rendered images of Dinosaurs having sex… really… apparently they have been working on this theory for decades…. WOW … well…. Just

look for yourself….  THANK YOU DAILY MAIL!


I couldn’t make this shit up…Well…. real life wins…..







and I win the interwebs!!!


P.s. If you are new here… its not always nonsense… I’ve been writing some pieces that are going up this next week that I am very Proud of… Stay Tuned.

Flavor Morphing Funday Friday…

… This is my one hundreth post… thats right… one zero.. zero…. 100…. unbelievable!!!!

To celebrate… Here is some complete nonsense…

Are you following me on twitter? No? I don’t blame you really, you’re not missing much… JUST THIS! (“This” is my live tweet of eating starbursts!!!)