Funday Friday

Aug 10 2012

… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

Author: Kerry

1 am.. We have got to stop meeting like this… I’d much rather just sleep with you…

KERRY HAS FORGOTTEN what it was like to sleep.

It hadn’t been that long since she’d had sleep that she’d forget, surely… Nevertheless, she had.

She had memories of sleep.

Well … vague memories, anyway.

She vaguely remembered how good it felt to put her head down on the soft coolness of a pillow.

She vaguely remembered what it was like to feel as though she were melting into the comfort of a nice… soft mattress.

She vaguely remembered what it was like to get the covers just right so that she was warm where she wanted to be warm and cool where she wanted to be cool.

Aug 03 2012

… The Never Ending Nipple

Author: Kerry
me:  Ummmm The universe wants to marry me, and wants me to have this ring.
Mr. Amazing:  Tell the Universe to fuck off, you’re taken
 me:  LMAO
Mr. Amazing:  But if the universe wants to give you a ring that’s different
 me:  I think it wants me to have that ring!!
Mr. Amazing:  .01 carat diamonds… 1% of a nice diamond
 me:  its a snake… did you miss that part… the snake…
Mr. Amazing:  black rhodium snake
 me:  It wants me to wear it!
Mr. Amazing:  
That’s what I want
 me:  That is awesome… but really… where would you wear that ROTFLMAO! Like giant bling on your chest to work?
Mr. Amazing:  I would wear it all the  time, I would call it a religious talisman and start to cry if someone asked about it and then stare up into the sky and fake meditate Latin words
 me:  ROTFLMAO!
 Mr. Amazing:  I want that now, I would wear it under my shirt and tell them it was my sacred necklace
 me:  I would get you a long enough chain that it would look like a nipple
a never ending nipple
 me:  If I had a tattoo gun… you would never be safe to sleep again… you would have oracle nipples
Mr. Amazing:  oracle? why oracle? what does that even mean?
 me:  The southern oracle… The two halves… Im naming your nipples
 Mr. Amazing: and why would you have a tatoo gun
 me:  it could happen
 Mr. Amazing  the Southern oracle that would be a bad ass tattoo
 me:  Your nip could be the eye
that opens and kills people if they are afraid, and they will all be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  LOL I would be afraid
Mr. Amazing:  I like that Auryn medallion, The universe wants me to have it
 me:  The universe speaks in mysterious ways
Mr. Amazing: yes, yes it does
Jul 13 2012

Chimps gone wild! & Dinosaur Porn! … It Must be Friday!

Author: Kerry

This isn’t a real post… I like to think of it as more like a Public Service Announcement…. <Cue announcer voice> “We Will be interrupting the normal Friday nonsense for these…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Residents in Las Vegas warned again Chimpanzees on the loose…. Best headline ever… I guess what happens in Vegas rule doesn’t apply to Primates

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scientists rendered images of Dinosaurs having sex… really… apparently they have been working on this theory for decades…. WOW … well…. Just

look for yourself….  THANK YOU DAILY MAIL!

 

I couldn’t make this shit up…Well…. real life wins…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

and I win the interwebs!!!

 

P.s. If you are new here… its not always nonsense… I’ve been writing some pieces that are going up this next week that I am very Proud of… Stay Tuned.

Jul 06 2012

Flavor Morphing Funday Friday…

Author: Kerry

… This is my one hundreth post… thats right… one zero.. zero…. 100…. unbelievable!!!!

To celebrate… Here is some complete nonsense…

Are you following me on twitter? No? I don’t blame you really, you’re not missing much… JUST THIS! (“This” is my live tweet of eating starbursts!!!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jun 29 2012

Fifty Shades of WTF!

Author: Kerry

Five Reasons I am not reading Fifty Shades of WOW… this is Erotica (porn for the search engines) disguised as a novel for you religious freaks (All of which I am not)

1- I like sex. Actual sex. That takes place in reality.

2- I would rather read Dune… and become a spice addicted crackhead… (Implied: I am not a Dune Fan)

3- I read twilight… enough already

4- I am waiting for the Movie (look forward to a future post “Five Reasons I won’t be seeing the Fifty Shades of … Movie”

5-  Water Cooler Talk (you’re equivalent to an office book club)…. Awwwwkkkwwwaard….

 

Jun 22 2012

… Icepack in bras & bras for balls… I’m thinking we could be famous…

Author: Kerry
My Facebook Status: … Boob sweat… And that’s all I have to say about the first day of hades… I mean… summer…
G-Chat
me: I posted about boob sweat in my status update… see… my life is really complete
Mr Amazing: Well, now I think it is complete  Boob sweat is way better than ball sweat
me:  And now I am giggling at my desk
Mr Amazing:  <— sleep deprived
me:  Note to self: purchase baby powder
Mr Amazing:  Seriously, two words: testicular cancer, Talc isn’t our friend
me:  You all act like your balls would be worse than boobs… Which are just BIGGER balls… higher up!
Mr Amazing:  boobs don’t have small semi-hard balls inside a fluid sack that is constantly being squeezed between two thighs
me:  Glands! They have Glands!
Mr Amazing:  glands being squeezed by?
me:  More Glands! and a bra!
Mr Amazing:  bras are just there to help support men don’t get support, they get uncomfortable wedging
me:  Support to a 16-year-old… is squeeze and hoist the sails to a 30-year-old
Mr Amazing: ditto
me:    Touche …. but that just gives them breathing room
Mr Amazing:  between your leg, your pants crotch, and what? now imagine the guys in skinny jeans those guys are total retards and I can guarantee you they will be infertile
me:  icepack in bras… and bras for balls… im thinking we could be famous
Mr Amazing: There should be a brand of jeans called “infertile blues” underwear with ball bra (infertile blues was funny, just sayin’)
me:  Ummm So tolman says… in the next chat window over….
Tolman:  OMG!!! I would think ball sweat, for sure!  I just can’t imagine how unpleasant it would be!  And who would really care if a woman is wiping her sweaty breasts off?? If a man wipes his sweaty balls off, he can get arrested!
Mr Amazing:  I love her, she understands all you can do is cowardly attempt to move the fabric of your jeans in a vain attempt to fix matters
me:  <speechless>
Mr Amazing:  oh god
me: I think you might be exaggerating
Mr Amazing:  I should stop talking to you
Men! I don’t even understand how they walk around with those things!
Jun 08 2012

… Funday Friday?

Author: Kerry

Perhaps everyday needs a fucking theme…. Soooo I feel like you have been deprived of Mr. Amazing and I’s g-chats… I will skip the political rhetoric… and move you straight into this… because well… its Friday 🙂

me: I love you! Im drinking coffee… in the afternoon… I havent done this in months… I have the worst headache… its all magic

Mr. Amazing: oh man, my back hurts, and I am starving, and my head feels …I can’t think of the word, like it’s full of fudge

me: Mmmm fudge

Mr. Amazing: do you want to eat my brains

me: YES!

Mr. Amazing: I bet they don’t taste like fudge but I am told brains have the consistency of jello stringy jello

me: Warm jello or cold jello

Mr. Amazing: warm, bloody, jello

me: Im feeling a little queezy

Mr. Amazing: sorry

 

Apr 13 2012

Paraskevidekatriaphobia— the fear of Friday the 13th

Author: Kerry

2012  a bad year for people who suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia — the fear of Friday the 13th…. Maybe those damn mayans had it!

Why? …  There are three this year… instead of the usual two…. There was one in 2011.

That’s not all. For the first time since 1984, those three Friday the 13ths — Jan. 13, April 13 and July 13 — are exactly 13 weeks apart.

But! before we all grab our chain saws and make for the local summer camps… Is there any truth to the unlucky legends of Friday the 13th?

Sometimes, everything you know is wrong… No, you’re not stupid… you are the victim of urban legends – modern folklore tales that have the ring of truth but are almost always false.

Legends often have elements of horror or humor, they are fun to talk about and spread…. There is also a certain paranoid strain within any population that is willing to believe those stories that feed their paranoia (I personally, prefer to be around these people, as they are easy targets and make me feel smart!)

Some urban legends are repeated again and again on television shows, such as the Kidney Heist legend: being knocked out and waking up with a kidney missing….  Law and Order had a field day with that one….

Thank god for Myth Busters… right?

The Smalls can be excused for being naturally gullible, but adults who “should know better” are the real culprits of these myths… President Franklin D. Roosevelt would not depart on a (train) trip on the 13th

… FYI! For many pagans, 13 is a lucky number, because it corresponds with the number of full moons each year

And does anyone know – is Dr. Pepper really prune soda?