Can I just… No… No… for the love of all that is holy

mama kats Write a poem inspired by the last conversation you had with your child

I slide out from behind the wheel… I think I am going to be ill…

He gets in & adjusts the seat … His expression makes it clear he thinks this is neat!

I buckle in tight … the inside of my cheek I begin to bite!

He puts the vehicle into gear… and smiles to himself over my fear.

Out onto the road he drives… I think I am breaking out in hives.

The first stop sign is not far… I almost go through the windshield of the car.

HUG THE CENTER LINE… YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE

Im screaming and I know it… it was only yesterday he got his first zit!

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY … PLEASE DRIVE MORE SLOWLY

He begins to get a feel for the road… he is in now in driving mode

I let him park in the driveway… that was enough for one day!

“Mom you are the best!” … He smiled and beamed with pride.

“Son, Let’s give driving a rest”… That was the day I almost died.

fin.

2015-01-26 18.52.13

Drink. Drank. Drunk…

This public display of drunkenness and debauchery is dedicated to Mama Kats World Famous Writing Prompts! “Write a blog post inspired by the word: Drunk”

mama kats

1

2

3

4

 

THE END

Ransom Notes & 2 Year Olds

Truth be told… I can make any story I want to tell fit one of her amazing writing prompts if I want to tell it bad enough… and this story is dying to be told!

mama katsTell us about something new you learned last month

So my cute grandchildren (Tiny and Tinyest) and my angel girl graced our home with their presence for a weekend last month due to a spider infestation at their residence… it was so much fun to have them there… but I learned right after they left that something had been left behind! I tried to rectify it… but finally resorted to this….

Dear Tiny Boy…. I’ve got your blankie. Don’t worry… it’s quite safe…and it will stay that way only if you do exactly as I say… First of all, no contact with the Feds… No contact with the newspapers or TV… Now… on Day after next, you must phone me (look, I know for sure that you know how…Don’t waste time pretending that you don’t! You are too phone savvy… Remember – I have your blankie!)

Phone me at precisely 8am (this is gonna be run like a military operation!),

and invite me – nicely – to go with you on a date. Don’t play games with me; you know the kind of date that I like!


The date must – repeat, must – take place on a Sunday … If you value your blankie you will do what I ask (sorry, demand!).
At the conclusion of said date, you will receive your blanket in the same condition as when you left it. I shall not repeat these instructions.
Any funny business and the blanket gets it!

blankie

Well… it didn’t go exactly as planned… but he is 2… so I cut him some slack when my phone rang and PROMPTLY 8 am the next morning and was asked for a date that Saturday… I quickly accepted … and am now waiting to accept the “Worlds Funnest Grandma” award that is surely coming after this!

Date1 Date2Date3

… Magic Happened

mama kats Share a recent text exchange that made you laugh.

Mr. Amazing: Hello

Me: Hiya

Mr. Amazing: Did I directly or indirectly make you grumpy with me?

Me:Nope… Im not grumpy

Mr. Amazing: Okay, I love you

Me: I love you too

Mr. Amazing:  you seemed grumpy, but it could have been my imagination

Me: I am always grumpy when sleeping… I butchered the shit out of my bangs this morning… thought you should know

Mr. Amazing: OMG – ROFL

Me: bahahahaha I should have cut them last night

Mr. Amazing:  how bad are they?

Me: ummmm on a scale from 1 – 10? they are fucked up bahahaha I was on cold medicine, didnt have my contacts in, the mirror was foggy from the shower, I used house scissors… and magic happened

Mr. Amazing:  OMG

Me: #everythingisawesome
Mr. Amazing:
scenegirl_shortish uglybang
LOL I loooove you!

Me: ROTFLMAO! They arent that bad
I mean… they are bad… but I didnt call into work and run to the salon or anything be nice or I will try to straighten them up with these scissors at my desk…. which I have also done before

Mr. Amazing:

Steve-Tyler-funny

Me:

20141007_080725

Mr: Amazing : Straighter than a catholic priest, wait… straighter than that LOL, they are fine I was picturing a butcher job half way up your forehead, I was scared for you.

Mothers Curse? I think not.

mama katsWhat grade is your child going to be in?

Share a memory you have of yourself at that same age

Sophomore… he is going to be a freaking Sophomore…. Kill me dead…

I paid the registration fees this week… I almost killed over then and there… I took him to get his learners permit… which he failed… ha! Well… So did I the first time… and that is exactly where our similarities end…

My Sophomore year… I lost my virginity… I had already experimented in every known substance invented at the time…and continued to do so… I smoked camel cigarettes… I had half my head shaved and the half that still had hair was a strange blend of black and purple… with my blonde roots poking through it… I wore clothes with bullet holes in them and safety pins… I owned and lived in combat boots… I drew thick black lines around my eyes and powdered my face with white makeup… I owned and used liberally black lipstick…I frightened small children … I am giggling as I type this… I listened only to Depeche Mode, The Cure, OMD, Eurasure, Sex Pistols, Pink Floyd… and the sound track to Phantom of the Opera…I was taken out of the school that year… twice… by ambulance.

<Knocking on all the wood I can reach>

My Small is enrolled in Musical Theater, He is playing the Viola in the Orchestra, His favorite music is from the 50’s or The Beatles, Johnny Cash, The Eagles, CCR, Three Dog Night… Everything I had never even heard of until he began to really discover his flavor of life. He has more manners in his little finger than I do in my entire being… and yet I keep taking the accolades for having such a polite young man… when the truth is he has taught me more about manners than I ever have him.

The mothers curse is such a common joke on social media… maybe my mother didn’t speak to me enough to utter the words… but I am screaming mine from the roof tops!

I HOPE HE HAS CHILDREN JUST LIKE HIM!

Smallest child is entering 3rd grade… 3rd graders tend to be assholes…I do not remember 3rd grade at all… but I will hold out the speaking of the curse words until her Sophomore year… just to be fair…  because she is definitely JUST LIKE Mr. Amazing… I would assume his mother cursed him multiple times.

PhotoGrid_1407356888877PhotoGrid_1407359237694

This Day..

With no make up… and in pajamas… laughing uncontrollably… we middle aged middle class middle of the day took selfies!

This man is the love of my life… that is all…

US

Discussion In The car. ..
Me: <to smallest child> believe it or not I love your daddy more today than I did when I married him.
Mr. Amazing: I love her more too
Smallest Child: I love  more than then too.
Small Child: don’t expect any mushy stuff from me guys. .. seriously

 

Having your cake and eating it too…

mama kats A blog post inspired by the word: sweet

Okay… I will be honest… I read through the prompts this week and just couldn’t come up with a single thing… So I went to my fall back and depended on others to make the magic happen, and by magic I mean cake!

me:  I want cake

Mr. Amazing:  LOL that was random

 me:  Random yes… but true still …in fact, even more than cake… I want pie

Mr. Amazing:   Lemon Rasperry cake 4

 me:  okay… fuck pie… I want that cake

Mr. Amazing:   ROFL

 me:  these things are important dear!

Mr. Amazing:   should I stop by the bakery on the way home? ROFL

 me:  I dont think the bakery will have that cake…And now that I have seen it… nothing else will do…I should show it to The Cookie wife LMAO!

 Mr. Amazing:  ROFLMAO it is butter-cream with lemon curd and fresh raspberries

http://dailydelicious.blogspot.com/2012/01/lemon-raspberry-cake-with-lemon.html

 me:  Cookie Wife… we need to have a serious talk…

I know cookies is your thing… I get that…

I married into the idea…. but… I NEED this cake

Lemon Rasperry cake 4

CookieWife:  LOL!! It looks tasty!!

 me:  I NEED it, from the very pit of my soul!

it is butter-cream with lemon curd

and fresh raspberries

Mr. Amazing:  ROFLMAO

 me:  Why is everyone laughing! This is serious! clear to the pit of my soul I NEED that cake …. BAHAHAHA

Mr. Amazing:  Why are you laughing then?

 me:  because I am deranged…. I part of my soul is missing… I think its that cake!

CookieWife:  Where’s the recipe???

 me:  http://dailydelicious.blogspot.com/2012/01/lemon-raspberry-cake-with-lemon.html

 CookieWife:  It has GRAM and CELSIUS measurements!!!!

Where did you find it??

 me:  LOL! I just saw the pic and hunted it down ROTFL!

 CookieWife:  If you convert all the measurements, I’ll bake it! ;)

me:  SHADDUP! I will get Mr Amazing in on this… 

 me: It has GRAM and CELSIUS measurements!!!!

If you convert all the measurements, She’ll bake it! ;)

MR AMAZING!!  I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Mr. Amazing:  ROFLMAO http://www.onlineconversion.com/ temperature is Celsius and weight is grams

 me:  Quick! Find me another cake…

UPDATE!!!
2014-05-21 14.37.51
These magical little goodies showed up at my office today… they are Lemon Curd and Fresh Raspberries on Shortcake? I think… They were divine! I have the coolest life ever. That is all

Who’s got two thumbs and bought FanX/ComicCon tickets! This Girl!

 

 

 

 

mama kats  The most exciting thing you purchased this month.

2014-04-18 13.34.37

 

I wanted to do something fun for small child… all of his friends were going… so when he asked… ofcourse I told him they were sold out…

I then showed up at his school with a sonic screwdriver made a quick stop at a thrift store…He dressed as Dr. Who and the greatest day ever proceeded to happen

2014-04-18 17.17.43

At one point I was concerned that we were just walking around.. not really accomplishing anything… I asked him if he wanted to attend any panels… because I didnt want him to feel like he was just walking around… he looked at me and exclaimed “THIS IS AWESOME!” So we continued to walk around and see everything.

2014-04-18 17.16.48 2014-04-18 16.07.06 2014-04-18 15.43.10

Besides… Only at FanX – Comic con can this Easter Picture be created… and be honest… it is the greatest one you have ever seen!

10150692_10202771365517521_239068599246464803_n