It has been too long since I have shared one of our chats… Also… yes… we know hashtags do not work in chats…
Mr Amazing: #FatChanceInHell2016
Mr Amazing: #ReligiousMinorityRules
Kerry :He just threw his hat in the ring…. which btw… i think they should literally have to do if we are going to keep saying that
They all should wear a hat… and throw it in a ring
Mr Amazing: LOL the poll numbers are crazy
Kerry: Im gonna need some hats… Im gonna throw that shit in all the rings
Mr Amazing: Bush 23, Rubio 18, Walker 14, Paul 11, Cruz 11, Huckabee 5, Christie 5, Carson 7, Perry 2, Santorum, Kasich, Graham, Jindal, Fiorina 1
Kerry: it is a sad sad day when bush is the lesser of all those evils
Mr Amazing: LOL, yes, yes he is
Kerry: Jesus save us all… and take the wheel
THROWING MY HAT IN THE RING…. More Specifically… This hat!
Well the year had finally come that St. Patricks Day fell on a day that smallest child was at her Mom’s for the holiday… I knew last year it was coming so I put in a little extra effort into the prank until the St. Patricks Day eve was upon us and we got a tearful call from that co-parent… She hadn’t realized how much smallest child was looking forward to it… smallest child could be heard in the background screaming “If there is no Leprechauns, then there is no Santa, no Easter Bunny, no Tooth Fairy… ” and so on… we thought she had reached the age of not believing and treated her accordingly… only to realize at the last moment that she might still need/want to believe… we figured it out when she was berating her Mom with lines such as “You are ruining my childhood!” … Soooo what is any stepmother supposed to do that has created this monster? I put in a quick call on the Leprechaun line… they managed to pull off a miracle… and her childhood was saved!
They tiptoed outside her Moms apartment… sneaking up to her car… as it was too late to get into the abode.
They busted into the car in a flurry of green glitter and shamrock confetti!
They left their wisely worded note…
And goodies for the wee lass… including her half sister… the wee-er lass
And that is the story of how St. Patricks Day was saved!
Tall Child was not forgotten in all of this… he was rewarded with gold coins of his own for his help in the Leprechaun Miracle
(You may want to visit our Leprechauns past visits… they are quite evil)
I have had people bemoan my Leprechaun Loyalty in the past… there was the one year a wee lass at school didn’t believe in my smalls Leprechauns
So we helped her build a trap (actually a house because she was afraid of hurting them) The Leprechauns broke into her house (They may have known where the key was hidden and played… quite messily in their kitchen and left some treats!)
And if that is a bit of the stretch from the original prompt I apologize … But you can’t talk about being tricked without a little Leprechaun story!
Writing Prompt :A Time I Was Tricked
Write a poem inspired by the last conversation you had with your child
I slide out from behind the wheel… I think I am going to be ill…
He gets in & adjusts the seat … His expression makes it clear he thinks this is neat!
I buckle in tight … the inside of my cheek I begin to bite!
He puts the vehicle into gear… and smiles to himself over my fear.
Out onto the road he drives… I think I am breaking out in hives.
The first stop sign is not far… I almost go through the windshield of the car.
HUG THE CENTER LINE… YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE
Im screaming and I know it… it was only yesterday he got his first zit!
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY … PLEASE DRIVE MORE SLOWLY
He begins to get a feel for the road… he is in now in driving mode
I let him park in the driveway… that was enough for one day!
“Mom you are the best!” … He smiled and beamed with pride.
“Son, Let’s give driving a rest”… That was the day I almost died.
Truth be told… I can make any story I want to tell fit one of her amazing writing prompts if I want to tell it bad enough… and this story is dying to be told!
Tell us about something new you learned last month
So my cute grandchildren (Tiny and Tinyest) and my angel girl graced our home with their presence for a weekend last month due to a spider infestation at their residence… it was so much fun to have them there… but I learned right after they left that something had been left behind! I tried to rectify it… but finally resorted to this….
Dear Tiny Boy…. I’ve got your blankie. Don’t worry… it’s quite safe…and it will stay that way only if you do exactly as I say… First of all, no contact with the Feds… No contact with the newspapers or TV… Now… on Day after next, you must phone me (look, I know for sure that you know how…Don’t waste time pretending that you don’t! You are too phone savvy… Remember – I have your blankie!)
Phone me at precisely 8am (this is gonna be run like a military operation!),
and invite me – nicely – to go with you on a date. Don’t play games with me; you know the kind of date that I like!
The date must – repeat, must – take place on a Sunday … If you value your blankie you will do what I ask (sorry, demand!).
At the conclusion of said date, you will receive your blanket in the same condition as when you left it. I shall not repeat these instructions.
Any funny business and the blanket gets it!
Well… it didn’t go exactly as planned… but he is 2… so I cut him some slack when my phone rang and PROMPTLY 8 am the next morning and was asked for a date that Saturday… I quickly accepted … and am now waiting to accept the “Worlds Funnest Grandma” award that is surely coming after this!
Share a recent text exchange that made you laugh.
Mr. Amazing: Hello
Mr. Amazing: Did I directly or indirectly make you grumpy with me?
Me:Nope… Im not grumpy
Mr. Amazing: Okay, I love you
Me: I love you too
Mr. Amazing: you seemed grumpy, but it could have been my imagination
Me: I am always grumpy when sleeping… I butchered the shit out of my bangs this morning… thought you should know
Mr. Amazing: OMG – ROFL
Me: bahahahaha I should have cut them last night
Mr. Amazing: how bad are they?
Me: ummmm on a scale from 1 – 10? they are fucked up bahahaha I was on cold medicine, didnt have my contacts in, the mirror was foggy from the shower, I used house scissors… and magic happened
Mr. Amazing: OMG
LOL I loooove you!
Me: ROTFLMAO! They arent that bad
I mean… they are bad… but I didnt call into work and run to the salon or anything be nice or I will try to straighten them up with these scissors at my desk…. which I have also done before
Mr: Amazing : Straighter than a catholic priest, wait… straighter than that LOL, they are fine I was picturing a butcher job half way up your forehead, I was scared for you.
Well… here is my own demonic contribution…
What grade is your child going to be in?
Share a memory you have of yourself at that same age
Sophomore… he is going to be a freaking Sophomore…. Kill me dead…
I paid the registration fees this week… I almost killed over then and there… I took him to get his learners permit… which he failed… ha! Well… So did I the first time… and that is exactly where our similarities end…
My Sophomore year… I lost my virginity… I had already experimented in every known substance invented at the time…and continued to do so… I smoked camel cigarettes… I had half my head shaved and the half that still had hair was a strange blend of black and purple… with my blonde roots poking through it… I wore clothes with bullet holes in them and safety pins… I owned and lived in combat boots… I drew thick black lines around my eyes and powdered my face with white makeup… I owned and used liberally black lipstick…I frightened small children … I am giggling as I type this… I listened only to Depeche Mode, The Cure, OMD, Eurasure, Sex Pistols, Pink Floyd… and the sound track to Phantom of the Opera…I was taken out of the school that year… twice… by ambulance.
<Knocking on all the wood I can reach>
My Small is enrolled in Musical Theater, He is playing the Viola in the Orchestra, His favorite music is from the 50’s or The Beatles, Johnny Cash, The Eagles, CCR, Three Dog Night… Everything I had never even heard of until he began to really discover his flavor of life. He has more manners in his little finger than I do in my entire being… and yet I keep taking the accolades for having such a polite young man… when the truth is he has taught me more about manners than I ever have him.
The mothers curse is such a common joke on social media… maybe my mother didn’t speak to me enough to utter the words… but I am screaming mine from the roof tops!
I HOPE HE HAS CHILDREN JUST LIKE HIM!
Smallest child is entering 3rd grade… 3rd graders tend to be assholes…I do not remember 3rd grade at all… but I will hold out the speaking of the curse words until her Sophomore year… just to be fair… because she is definitely JUST LIKE Mr. Amazing… I would assume his mother cursed him multiple times.
So there you have it folks
With no make up… and in pajamas… laughing uncontrollably… we middle aged middle class middle of the day took selfies!
This man is the love of my life… that is all…
Discussion In The car. ..
Me: <to smallest child> believe it or not I love your daddy more today than I did when I married him.
Mr. Amazing: I love her more too
Smallest Child: I love more than then too.
Small Child: don’t expect any mushy stuff from me guys. .. seriously