On his 17th birthday…

These days… there are days I only see him for a meal on the run. He  works harder to get what he wants than anyone I know. He’s generous to a fault. He prefers his own company to mine — as does just about everyone — and likes his sister a lot more than he’s willing to admit.

Oh my dear small… you are one smart teenager. But as you enter your 17th year, on the 17th day of this month….here are 17 things I want you to know.

1. Life can turn on a dime.
You learned this in a way that I would never have wished for and I know you know that Nothing in life is guaranteed. But remember to Never take anything for granted. Be grateful and tell your loved ones you love them — every chance you get. I will always answer you when you say GoodNight.

2. Read The Economist every week.
Make knowing what’s going on in the world a priority.

3. Don’t hold a grudge.
There have been times when I’ve been slow to forgive… and I have destroyed some pretty important relationships…. You’ll learn over time that most things that may seem absolutely outrageous in the moment are quickly forgotten. Everyone makes mistakes. You make mistakes too. The worst thing you can be is judgmental.

4. It’s not uncool to have mom in your corner.
I will always be your number one fan (In a creepy way like that ankle hobbling chick from Stephen Kings Misery…. okay not that way) … We have had some times this year when you have really not counted me in on your plans… infact you straight up lied about plans… its okay to convince me that you are old enough to do something honestly…. it is okay to get my permission… its okay to check with me… anything you have to lie about isnt something you should be doing… Form an opinion… stand by it… convince me… this ability to disagree with people respectfully will get you far in life… and well… learning to do something against someones advice will also help… just make sure you are telling the truth

5. There’s nothing wrong with a Joint every once in awhile.
You will have oats… You will sow them… Sow them wildly. Next year… after your 18…. ha!

6. Always stay close with your sisters.
One day, they will be the only people who still remember your childhood. Ive harped on this a lot recently I know… but in our strange little family… they are all you will have when I am gone… Your nephews (and possibly soon niece) are going to need you… because they too will not have anyone to have a family reunion with… infact if your generation is going to keep any semblance of a family together… it will be on you.

7. Keep a journal.
You might think you’ll remember your favorite teachers, or who screamed like a girl during late night 5 nights at freddies…. but….Write things down. Take photos. Look back. It is important.

8. If someone tells you a secret, and asks you not to tell anyone, don’t.
Unless you should, then do. No friend is worth losing your integrity to. But all Friends deserve a secret or two kept.

9. Don’t build your worth on objects, but on experiences.
You can look around our house and tell that we’ve always valued children and vacations a lot more than nice furniture. And I’m so glad we did.

10. It is usually not about you.
As you grow older, don’t worry so much about looking a certain way. Most of the time, no one is paying attention. Really. People like to think everyone is focused on them but, in actuality, people are usually focused mostly on themselves. And if someone does something to you that’s hurtful, it’s almost certainly related to something going on in their life that has nothing to do with you. This goes for me as well… when I nag you about your eating habits… nutrition… social life… Im really saying that I hope you havent picked up on my bad habits.

11. If you need to go far, far away to pursue your dreams, then do it.
Don’t be afraid to take chances… Dont be so tied to your current plans that you dont alter them when there is an opportunity… Dont be so afraid of wasting that small college fund left by your dad… that you dont go and do the things your dad would have wanted you to do.

12. Be kind to those you meet on the way up because you may meet them again on the way down.
This is an old saying and you may find it silly. But it’s definitely true. Down the road, your behavior towards others will dictate how they behave towards you.

13. Practice the skills we’ve tried to teach you.
Before you go off Adulting on your own you must become more adept at cooking, cleaning and taking care of your finances. I know it’s a pain, but one day you’ll thank me. I think our recent adventures in a brand new adult in our home has taught you that much at least. Even if it stresses you out… charge things and pay them off… register your car… make a payment to a bank… trust me.

14. Modesty is very attractive.
A lot of moms and dads these days walk around telling their offspring how spectacular they are, and that they can do everything perfectly. As a result, many kids exude this sort of “I’m better than everyone else” self-confidence. And no doubt it’s nice to be self-confident. But being humble is what has  drawn others to you, and makes you stand out, much more than pounding on your chest ever will. I hope you do not lose that “drop in the ocean” mentality…. but I also hope that you know you are the entire ocean to some people…

15. Show up for important events.
Sometimes the last thing you want to do is spend the weekend at another family party with people that you like just fine… but are not really like us, or even a Saturday afternoon at your little sister’s recital, but it’s important you do. I’ve learned the hard way that failing to show up at a major event is one of the most common reasons relationships break down. Be there for others and they’ll be there for you.

16. Attitude is a small thing that makes a very big difference.
The older I get, the more convinced I am that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. Hanging around people who complain all the time brings you down. Being positive and thinking good thoughts will help make good things happen. Attitudes are contagious. I really believe that. Do not ever complain about things unless there are actions you can take to make them change…. as I have always said… I cannot complain about politics if I dont vote…. and ofcourse I will be voting this year… because good hell.

17. Wherever you end up in life, you will always have a home so long as I am alive.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, I will always love you like crazy.

So happy 17th birthday, you quiet, smart, handsome “Destiny” fanatic. I couldn’t be more proud.

IMG_8821 IMG_8853 IMG_8824 IMG_8836 IMG_8857 IMG_8849 IMG_8934 IMG_8971 IMG_8973 IMG_8974

I think the only people who know how to leave comments are SERIOUS about me needing to source some shit from China!

Bahahahaha! I got through the last two weeks of school… a trip to the lake… finally have a moment to breathe and log in to do some serious blogging… I mean this is prime shit right here… and I find 700 spam comments from people advertising sources in china… so there you go…. I dedicate this to them…. because they obviously really know me…..

Whew! I am not really sure where to start…. I think I have finished with my fairy doors…. I say I think because even though I am 100% positive at this moment…. things change with the direction of the wind … emotionally… mentally… spiritually… and even physically….. I will however leave the door open (ha! see what I did there) by saying… I am now a fan of street art magic like that… and am sure there are a million and one more shenanigans inside of me…

Highlights of the project:

I moved more… a lot actually… which is sad that my physical exercise was getting in and out of my car 20 times a day and stooping down to fix doors or place doors… some of them required a bit of walking…. so there is that.

I got some of the coolest responses from everyone… and the kids fairy offerings were my favorite

I painted… so much!

I improved someones quality of life besides my own – Now that is a bold statement… thinking fairy doors could improve someones quality of life… I think it is indisputable however that the children finding them had an improved outlook on life… but there was someone else watching me the entire time that I was unaware of until the day I went and gathered the doors for the summer…. Infact… I think she might have been the reason I woke up that day and decided to start this crazy project… I just didnt know it yet… This is the story of her… and at some other point I will tell you my other stories… because so much is happening…and I dont mean fairy doors LOL… I digress…. Her story:

I believe I have mentioned that the first time I went to check on the very first fairy doors I put out that I saw this woman behind the public library… I had a feeling she was living there… but there was no proof of that… she was clean… kind… and quietly reading a book… as someone who had spent sometime living on the streets though… I knew the value of finding a place like that… where you could really sleep and not worry too much about others… and I wondered then why I had never thought to sleep there in my youth… I told my son about her… asked him as we left the restaurant across the street with leftovers if we should go over and see if she was hungry… but he convinced me upon seeing her that there was no way she was homeless… that she was just relaxing there… and that we would be insulting her to offer her our leftovers…. so we didnt….. over the two months that I played fairies… I saw her at least 85% of the time I was on that path… and many times we exchanged pleasantries as I worked up to an entire fairy realm behind the library… I was finding stacks of leaves in front of the doors… and hearts made out of rocks in front of them… and I loved the location… (See Previous Posts for examples of some of the fun book quotes I was using there) … But as I decided to take the summer off of fairying… I realized I needed to clean them up… so they didnt lose their magic… and Mr. Amazing and I went down the path on Memorial Day…. By this time I knew my original instinct about this pretty lady had been right… and on this warm evening… she was there again… tucked back in a corner… I greeted her again… and told her what I was doing…. She shocked me by looking quite broken hearted … telling me how much she had been enjoying them… I told her how fun they had been and why I was doing them… and that I would be back in the fall with something magical again… She looked downright sheepish when I told her about the hearts made from rocks… and I realized right then and there that I had set out to bring magic back… and I was meeting my fairy offering giver… not a child at all…. So I sat down next to her… which scared her honestly… and told her that I wished I had thought of staying back here when I was living on the streets…. and I told her that I didnt have much… but that I would like to help her some how… and gave her a few options… I had a budget I could live with… It would cover either one night in a hotel… so that she could shower and sleep soundly… or a very nice hot meal and a gift card…. or I could take that same amount and go get her some things that would last a little longer…. She was very spooked and very embarrassed… but admitted that as nice as the first two offers sounded she really could use some supplies… So I explained to her that I had a few more things to take care of… but not to leave… and not to worry… that we would be back with something that would help…. So we went to the local rite aid… and we got some socks… and a small first aid kit… some foot cream… some wisps for her perfectly straight (and recently cleaned) teeth… that I cannot get out of my mind… she had not been out long… and she had come from somewhere that she had access too great dental care and health care …. We got some very sensible protein… beef jerky… almonds… tuna pouches…. and we got some candy items… chocolate and gummy butterflies… we got as much as we thought she would be able to put in her backpack… and then we bought a trac fone…. with a card with some minutes… and we took our haul back over to her… we sat on the stairs with her and made sure the trac fone got activated and worked (we looked like complete idiots trying to figure that thing out) they come with a full charge so she would have it through the night and I knew she could go in the library during the day and charge it… I asked her if there was anyone I could call for her… she shook her head… I tried asking a few more things… but she was very tightlipped…. and I told her it was okay… she didnt need to talk to me… but if she ever wanted too…. I would answer… I took one of my doors and I wrote my name and phone number on the back of it… as well as the YWCAs phone number… and gave it to her… she whispered that it was her favorite door as I did… I had selected that one… suspecting it was what she needed to hear the most… and hugged her and left…. I have had to resist going back… I just wanted to take her home with me… I searched the missing persons database… I just know she is someones loved one… I dont know what she is running from… if she is afraid of being hurt… I just know that I do not believe in coincidences… and that my fairy doors were in the right place at the right time…. for both of us.

I have so much more to say… and so much more art to show… but I am just going to leave this here… for now… and remind myself in years to come that this story happened in the middle of my avoiding finishing my book… which is about a homeless girl…. thats all

OH! … Here is the door I left her… excuse me while I go clean up my mascara from blubbering like an idiot through this.

IMG_6678

Feel free to comment… unless you want to tell me about this great source in China you have… then fuck off.

Maybe… This is how its supposed to be…

Its been AGES since Ive done a theme song Thursday…. but this song reminds me of my life right now… so this lil post would be best enjoyed by hitting play on this song before moving on…

I decided I was not done adventuring in my life and it was time to renew my passport…. this is my message to the universe… that I will find a good way to need it…. preferably Italy.

IMG_6680

The end of the school year has been the normal Hell… I think they do this so you are just so grateful that its over that you dont mind if your kids eat cereal for lunch and watch TV all day… (Seriously) … 4th grade Pageants … and Final Symphony Orchestra performances … I couldnt be prouder of either of them….

IMG_6854 IMG_6875

These two Monkeys (really there are 3 monkeys… but the 3rd one cant walk yet) are my Sunday morning dates… The taller one there … gave me a firm talking too about six months ago… about how he needed me more… about how we needed to go on adventures… (His exact words for adventure were “Go fun places, and Jump alot” LOL) and he was right… things have been a little strained between tallest child and I (she is now about to birth her fourth child in four years) and it was stupid… We now having a standing date each week… where we adventure (the latest being the pool … which they loved)…. He said to me on his way home this week “Sunday is my favorite day…. because that is when I get you) and we count another 7 days until we get to adventure again! I love them so much…

IMG_6750

Something else Magical is happening on our Sunday Mornings Adventures… For as bright and well spoken that tall one is… the shorter one is loving and sensitive…. He and Small child have a bit of a special routine at the end of our adventures… I could not be anymore surprised by their tenderness… or moved by it.

13254242_10208123066986713_7084236240735093153_n

Obviously by the lack of posts you can assume I am still painting… because I am… still fairying…

IMG_6676 IMG_6677 IMG_6678 IMG_6781 IMG_6812 IMG_6815 IMG_6817

We found this old tree stump along a busy road… It is by a Nursing home path… as well as a bus stop…

We call it fairy city 🙂

IMG_6890

and last but not least… a commissioned piece that is a bit more dark… bahahahaha! Someones Boyfriends Brother is a fanatic apparently.

This is the progress I have made on the set… it is definitely a work in progress… lots of shading still to do… but so much fun to paint.

IMG_6892

Oh… and I work as well (not a lot though) but that is going swimmingly… and I am somewhat keeping my household running smoothly… I am looking forward to things slowing down a bit more… I have now lost a little over 50 lbs… and I have been doing this small (I MEAN SMALL) fitness challenge everyday… baby steps people… I am taking them

Through this little door….

Once in a while… right in the middle of an ordinary life…. life gives us a fairy tale….

I am not even really sure how this happened… I posted about these little fairy doors a couple of weeks ago… about how I just wanted t make a few peoples days a little brighter…. well… things have certainly gotten brighter…. Lets start with some pictures and then I will tell you more about it…. These are out and about all over Bountiful Utah… and its is funny… because I really thought people would not see them… or ruin them…

Bees Buddha Courage Monkeys outandabout outandabout2 Rains Sparkle

as you can see from the images…. not only did people not take them… I felt this weird obligation once I realized people were looking at them… being careful with them… drawing hearts with rocks in front of them… stacking leaves in front of them (I am assuming these are little girls doing this) to well…. keep up the locations… we have had some insane weather around here lately… rain and wind… but my little doors just keep staying… I have had evidence (Such as chewed gum used as adhesive) that I am getting help with the upkeep of these…. Sooooooo I had some little stuff around my house… from other projects… and I began making additions…. LOL I have painted 26 doors now… I still have 20 of them out there… some have gotten taken… which was the original assumption… so I am not upset about that… but the ones that stay are the ones that make me laugh… I wonder what people think…. there is a sweet little path behind our local library (the bountiful library) that has several…. I think that at this point that is where I am going to have to focus most of my attention… I wonder if at some point the city will complain about these little fairies being about…. but so far they havent… and I suppose at this point also I am probably going to be a little sad when some kid, teen, or adult comes through and finally does break them… or throw them away…. or whatever…. but for now… I am going to continue my little game… I have no idea who is seeing them… if they like them? or what is going on… but about every 72 hours or so… I go a make a round to them all… and make sure I am not littering… that they are in good condition… and I usually add something to the site… Its small… I know… but I do feel like something is happening… even if it is to me.

Bringing Magic Back

In the quest to figure out what I am doing with my life… for my life… why my life… I have been just floating in the wind of change… letting the changes happen… Im at a really rough time of year for me (anniversary of Something Lost) and I find my emotions and moods and temperament as crazy as the weather… and I am going through some bizarre midlife crisis… and anxiety in our house is smothering at this point with all of the recent changes my little squad has gone through… the population of this country is so negative with the elections that even my 9 year old is spouting off serious hate for Donald Trump because it is the cool thing to do at school? (who can blame her or all of them really) and sometimes we in this house feel the bern… and sometimes we just cross our fingers and hope Cruz gets beat… by anyone… (I am totally thrilled with Bernie or Hillary as an option for that) but the discussion amongst the smalls amazes me… everyone hates someone… and everyone is so angry…

I woke up Tuesday morning assuming I would continue down the path of painting my life away… my latest obsession has been quotes on canvas… word arty type shit… when I realized I had two birthday presents to buy… and out of no where I decided I was going to the local garden store, which I can count on one hand how many times ive been there… and my ability to kill every living plant is another topic for a blog all together… but I went anyways…

Once there I found myself in the fairy garden section… Pause here for a little explanation… I dont blog about it… (at least I dont remember blogging about it) but I am HUGE believer in paying it forward as often as I can… I buy meals and coffees for people behind me in drive thrus… I buy random outfits and rent tuxs for my favorite family around the corner (My cookie wifes crew) … I buy sandwiches for the homeless… I buy dogfood for the dogs of the homeless… I always seem to be in a place at a time… and it just happens…. This particular morning in question… I believe it all came about the way it did because I was supposed to do this random act of kindness… because I had never even thought about a fairy garden before …. and I didnt even know if the 2 people who I needed birthday gifts for gave a shit about fairy gardens… Unpause…. I am browsing the darling section at the garden store… and I hear the employees asking if they all had gotten a text… about someone who was VERY ill and they were drilling into her bones to get something out? some infection? and it was all so awful sounding and they were all planning on going in on gift…. and lo and behold… what they wanted to go in on was an indoor fairy garden… but the pot to start it was 50$… so they needed cash from everyone… then they would get a few small things to put in it…. So I grabbed the stuff for my projects that I wanted… and went to the cash register feeling rather strange… realizing that these ladies made way less than I do… and 50$ to them meant a whole lot more than it did to me… and I quietly asked the cashier if I could buy the pot for the girls in the back fairy garden… the cashier was the daughter in law of the sick person… and she was the sweetest thing on the planet that morning for me… I really needed the hug she came around the counter to give me… and I asked her not to tell anyone and I took my purchases and headed to the craft store next…. the craft store… it’s dangerous as hell for me…

Here is how my two gifts ended up (They were fucking awesome and the people who got them LOVED them) it couldn’t have gone better.

This one was for my Ride Or Die Chick :)

This one was for my Ride Or Die Chick 🙂 Its amazing and I wired it with purple lights that light up! and those lil fairies are obviously drinking the wine….

and something a little tamer for Mr. Amazings little sister

and something a little tamer for Mr. Amazings little sister

 

Then when at the craft store getting a few more little things… something else happened… I was falling in love with all the miniature stuff… its so cute… and I had been wondering how I could brighten the mood in our little town… and I had been finding all these amazing quotes to paint and practicing my lettering… and well…. I am now full swing into this little project.

Door1 Door2 Door3 Door4 Door5 Door6 Door7 Door8

I was working on this one last night... with 2 glasses of wine (which only happens like once every couple of months so I was SUPER not painting straight) Soooo I will be fixing this one up a bit

I was working on this one last night… with 2 glasses of wine (which only happens like once every couple of months so I was SUPER not painting straight) Soooo I will be fixing this one up a bit

fairydoors

And then… After glazing them… and using an adhesive on the back… I placed the first six in various spots around town… I told my smalls when I placed them that I knew they would be taken… destroyed… kicked… whatever… that I didnt care… That if I made even one person smile for each door I was going to keep doing it… I put them in places that they wouldnt hurt anything… Not destroy any property… and then I watched… The one on the tree was at a park… I drove by three times that day to tons of kids staring at it in happy fascination … it was gone by the end of the day… I can only hope some little girl took it and put it in her room 🙂

The black one I put outside an old book store that sells and buys used books…. The purple one with the Buddha quote I placed on a boarded up window of an abandoned building on main street…. The double doors ended up on the walking trail behind the library… one on a low income over crowded child care facility mail box (I figure some kids need some magic more than others) one in a visitor parking lot shared by an old folks home and the hospital… and that was it… Ive checked on them a few times… The others are all still where I placed them… and I cant help but wonder if people are seeing them… smiling… finding hope…

There is a big rainstorm slated for today… I will go again and check them afterwards… to see if they are ruined and need to be thrown away (I mean, Its art im not littering right? but I wont leave trash out there) and I started on my next set of them … as you can see above… I also painted a shit ton (that is a unit of measure) of tiny mushrooms (out of dowels) … I figure if the ones out there stand up to the storm… I will add mushrooms to the area… to keep them from becoming something people just pass everyday and dont notice the small miracles life offers.

Tiny lil mushrooms

Tiny lil mushrooms

Last but not least… I have been on a clothing kick lately… and I have been wearing the most awesome stuff… Here was my fairy door attire…. Notice the shoes… thats all… Spread Kindness Like Confetti PEOPLE! I LOVE YOU ALL!

IMG_5836

OMG… Like I wrote a real blog… maybe thats what this whole journey is about… getting back to writing finally…. whatever… I have a TON of doors to get painting

Down the Rabbit Hole….

So… as previously mentioned in multiple posts… I set off on the first of August on a new adventure… I quit my 15 year career… I since then have contracted and then was added to the payroll at another company… that pays me enough to stay comfortable… and I work only part time hours… I discussed at great length how this was going to free me up to follow all kinds of dreams and ambitions…. at the top of that list was writing… which I did quite a bit of in the beginning…. but seriously… as of late I have simply disappeared… I have done this time to time over the years of blogging… but never when I have had so much free time… I haven’t been writing at all recently… not on my blog… not on my other projects… and well… even though I don’t write for anyone other than myself… I feel like I am doing things wrong if I am not writing…. so let me write about what I have been doing instead…

Ive been cooking…. shut the fuck up… me cooking! Lots actually!

I have given up coffee (for the most part)… which is really one of the most defining characteristics of my personality… my love of coffee

I have gotten closer to my smalls… my tinys … and even Mr. Amazing.

I have done quite a bit of housework… but not as much as I should (seriously… not enough LOL)

I have lost 30 pounds… at least… I actually am going to weigh myself again today at the doctors… Its probably closer to 40 but I dont keep a scale here…

Just from not emotional binge eating…. cause I sure as shit haven’t been exercising… maybe that will come next…

I’ve joined a Meditation Circle/Book Club for spirituality. (Highly Recommend – Spiritual Growth – Being your higher self – By Sanaya Roman)

I’ve painted… my god… have I painted… infact its really the only reason I am blogging today… because I set some goals for my self to be able to escape into my paint room for the day… and that was to shower… clean up… pluck that overgrown chin hair… and write before I let myself go in there… So it is 7:45 am and here I am crossing that off my list… ha!

Let me show you some of what i’ve been working on…

I did this one for my small (now 16 year old) child - these are 4 by 4 block canvas and they were a lot of fun

I did this one for my small (now 16 year old) child – these are 4 by 4 block canvas and they were a lot of fun

This was my practice run for print transfer... I did it for my favorite red head on the planet

This was my practice run for print transfer… I did it for my favorite red head on the planet

This one was for smallest child... I told her I would add to it as she read more of the series

This one was for smallest child… I told her I would add to it as she read more of the series

Dis one was for my best friend... cause you know... we are mad LMAO

Dis one was for one of my closest friends… cause you know… we are mad LMAO

This is my Alice Set... I did this one for myself... these are 6 x 6 block canvas

This is my Alice Set… I did this one for myself… these are 6 x 6 block canvas

These were for my cute tinys

These were for my cute tinys

and last but not least…. the other day Small child was looking at pictures hung in the the hallway … and said “You’ve changed so much Kerry! Your hair used to be black and short and curly… now its lighter and all kinds of colors and soooo long and straight… and your face… its smaller too!”

So here is my smaller face in bed as I type this… ha! because seriously… like im gonna get dressed before I paint!

(Im putting it down here because no one ever really reads to the end…. right?)

IMG_4624

I’ve never even had a rose ceremony!?!?!

mama kats Welcome to the most shocking rose ceremony in writing prompt history.

Please award roses to the ten people (or items) in your life that you’d like to continue pursuing a relationship with.

In no particular order and without further ado…

single red rose

1 – I could fill half of this list with just those who reside in my home… But I am feeling the need to dig deep and really take a personal inventory of that which I am grateful for in my life… That being said… Those in my home deserve mention… Mr Amazing is the love of my life… He is my best friend… and I love him so hard. Small Child (not so small) continues to amaze me daily with his bright charismatic self…. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to my life… and I can not express the gratitude I have for him… I admire him so much. Smallest Child (Ms SassyPants) is the latest breath of fresh air into my existence… we have really stepped up our StepParent/StepChild game… and I have loved every minute of it… She is so clever… and I am honored to be part of her upbringing…. So that is a Rose for my little Family. (With an honorable mention for Tall Child and her three Tinies!)

FamilyOh My Gosh!

2- Betty Perea – This woman has brought more joy to my life than I can express… She has given more wisdom…invited palpable spirit…  inspired more crazy… and driven more motivation than I can explain… I love her… She teaches humility and gratitude without even saying a word… She is wild and funny… you never know what she is going to say next… She thrives off of keeping people on their toes and she has been the greatest mother like friend I have ever known… She brings a different perspective to the table… and I love her mysticism, skepticism, and superstitions. She gave me my love of coffee and mexican food.   A Rose to my old soul (With an honorable mention to her children, who I love beyond measure)

Betty and Boys

3- Tolman – I have known this chicka forever! She is my Cookie Wife.. My Soul Sister… My Co Parent (for her smalls and mine :))… She goes on all my crazy adventures with me… She wore the Bloggess’s Red Dress with me… We’ve been through marriages and divorces with each other… we have laughed as well as cried the hardest in our lives in front of each other… we are linked by a special energy that is thicker than blood… She is the cheese in my enchilada 🙂 A rose for her… with all the thorns cut off… because just once something beautiful should come to her without the trials. (I would make it rain roses on her beautiful babies who I treat like my own)

Tolman

4 – The Fluffinator! My Stef! My favorite heavy metal loving animal enthusiast teenage rearing sexy beast on the planet… She is my escape… She is my safe place… she is my cohort on adventures that we are way too old to take… She is down to earth… a fantastic mother… she is beautiful… has a passion for purple and a strength like no one else I have ever met. She is so intelligent and she has the biggest heart! She is always up to something fun and most nights seem to end with fireworks and alcohol when we are together.  Raising our two boys together has been amazing… we call each other for advice… to vent… and to discuss anything supernatural. I do not know how I lucked into her entering my life but I am grateful for it every day…. Small Child (not so small) will always think of her as his other mother… She is my back up mom… and I miss her! Roses all around… (honorable mention to her crazy kiddos who I freaking love like crazy)

Stef

5 – Michelle – She is actually my cousin.. I mean that is how we met… but she became my friend in our adult lives… She has more integrity and acceptance in her little finger than I could ever hope to achieve… She is funny… She is talented… She is a great mom.. and has always always been there for me… no matter what I have needed. She is so kind… and when someone starts gossiping or being negative she is the first one to shut it down. She is always willing to try new things and lets me just be me. Our kids have trick or treated together every year for as long as I can remember… Eventually we are going to have to find someone else to steal candy from! –  A Rose

 

Halloween

6 – Danielle – There is a story behind Danielle.. She is a close friend of mine’s daughter… a few years ago… We lost her mother… It was heartbreaking. From this came something wondrous and miraculous into my life however… This stunningly brilliant young woman… she is amazing… my children worship the ground she walks upon… and we would gladly just keep her forever… She has this awesome throaty laugh that reminds my of her beautiful mothers laugh… and I cannot imagine our lives without her in it… She is the s’more master… the butt toucher… the ceiling walker… and the best kind of big sister  figure on the planet for my smalls… She will always always have a home to come too and a family who loves her…. (honorable mention to her brother who I love and have great hopes for)-A Rose.

Danielle

7- Enough with all the estrogen! Lets give some Testosterone some attention – My Christian! This guy has been my friend for 18 years now… I have watched him grow up… and he has watched me mature (see how delicately I handled the age difference?) He is my hot cuban mess… and he is the greatest thing since sliced bread… I love him so much… he is so well spoken.. he passion for history is contagious… his love for family is admirable… I have told him things I could never tell another soul on the planet and knew he would tell me how stupid I was when I needed him to… he would also tell me how loved I was when I needed him to… I love to discuss philosophy and politics with him… and I love that no matter how much time passes… when we hit rock bottom… repeatedly… respectively… we will always have a friend within each other to lean on and shoulder to cry on. I am a better person because of him. – A Rose

Christian

8- This Guy… If you know me… you know why – Zip the Wonder Dog – A Rose to you my buddy… you did it! I remember pleading with you when you were hit by the car to just live long enough to get him through the divorce… then again when he lost his dad … to stick around long enough to get him by… he couldn’t lose so much at once.. but you just keep ticking… Please… just get him through High School… You are the most constant thing in his life and we love you. (Honorable mention to the cat…  Shadow Cat… I remember the day I brought you home to my very scared and sad little family… you were enough of a distraction to get through the first days of some very hard realities… and for that I am grateful… You tolerate us.)

 

ZipZipShadow

9 – Now,.. The Prompt did mention items… and I cannot forget this little beauty I am typing this away on…My cute little purple coated macbook air. I am sorry I neglect you… I am sorry I never update you… I let your battery die… you collect dust. You are the tool of my creativity and I have slept snuggled up to you more often that I care to admit…. A Rose.

IMG_3249

10 – Myself… I am taking the easy way out… I have the most amazing list of people I should have included… I have nieces and nephews who I adore… such an awesome list quirky  life long friends… Family… But the truth is there was a time in my life I didn’t have any of you… and Depression worked rather determinedly to keep it that way… But this awesome woman never gave up… she never forgot that depression was lying to her… she worked her ass off… as a parent.. as an employee… as an artist… as an individual with a different way of seeing and doing things… and I would very much like to apologize to her for the abuse she has endured at my own hand… from my own stupid decisions.. and I would like to thank her for hanging in there… despite it all … and being such a bad ass. I’m funny… Smart… and my cleverness is overflowing. I kinda like me. Thanks to everyone who loved me enough for both of us on the days I cant love myself. – A Rose

Kerry

A soul set fire

The Year Twenty Fifteen started like this…. 2015 <– this is a link… it will open in a separate window should you care to read it or here it is paraphrased… I would call that a resolution… a resolution to write more.

I did some serious soul searching in 2015… I took that resolution seriously…I have a story inside of me and I am going to write it.

I QUIT MY JOB of 15 years…. I did that thing! So that I could find balance… so that I could write.

Mr Amazing supported me through it… My Small (who is not so small) encouraged me… asked me how it was coming… Had I written or blogged?

You know… Life is full of ironies… Just as I had cleared the path for myself to really dig in and be who I always wanted to be…. to write:

I painted instead…

I travelled to San Diego… and San Francisco

I caught up with friends

I caught up with my smalls

I cooked… I did really

I colored in those trending Zentangle coloring books… a lot

The Force is Strong with this one

The Force is Strong with this one

and yet… once again… I have this darling husband that has renewed my blog/domain… so that it is here… when I am in the mood.

So as I enter 2016 with my life going completely different than I had planned it… working in an office only enough to get by…  leaving myself plenty of creative time… I can’t help but marvel at the things I have done… even if they are not what I set out to do.

I am in awe of the happiness I have found.

I am excited for the adventures that will come next… I am feeling quite recharged… Unlike my laptop… who had collected some dust and was dead when this morning I decided I should capture the silence of an empty house (Before the not so small wakes up, sleeping in enjoying his winter break… and before my step small arrives in all her glory… loud loud glory… constantly singing taylor swift at the top of her lungs… cackling like a witch from The Haunting Hour…. and achieving every ballet pose ever learned at an alarming rate of speed… from her other home) WANT TO SEE OUR FAMILY PHOTOS?!?! BAHAHAHA!

Sad little neglected cute purple laptop

Sad little neglected cute purple laptop

And so… My Resolutions for 2016 are not to lose ten pounds (Although it should be)… Or to eat only organic (although that too would be good)… or to drink less (I dont think I could possibly drink any less… ha ha I am not really a drinker)…  it is simply this….

be-fearless-in-the-pursuit-of-what-sets-your-soul-on-fire

A Giant Shout Out to MamaKats! Without her prompts I am not sure I would remember to write at all…… I chose the fifth prompt this week “Look back at the resolution you made last year at this time, how did you do?” Go grab a prompt of your own… and do all the things!

mama kats

Baby… It’s cold outside!

Write a blog post inspired by the word: frozen mama kats

There could not have been a more perfect prompt for my life this week… Yesterday was 60 degrees and sunny…. We woke up to this

image1 (1) This is just in town… not the freeway… I had this view

for about 45 minutes… from this bridge I could see the school I was trying to get my small (not so small) too… but couldn’t get to it… The school district however did not close the schools…. So Self Declared Snow Day it is… Fuck this shit

image2 Dont mind the valet receipt reflecting on windshield as I photograph my small (not so small) from the warmth of my car… On a conference call with work through my blue tooth/Car speakers (this appears to be my office for the day)  as he struggles with the entire supply of ice melt from the drug store to my car…He is pushing it through a foot of snow that fell in just a few hours…

Today would have been his first day driving in the snow… Most of the time we get an inch or two… its good to practice… I think he can try it tomorrow instead…

So we have a conference call going on in the kitchen – we are naming that Mr. Amazings office for the day (Damn him! he has the food)

Finally I find myself curled up in bed with my laptop…

We are now measuring 18 inches of snow on the porch…

Baby… Its cold outside.

 

The life of a blanket

81UXwQ7xCoL._SX522_

This little guy… pictured above…. This is his story

Im not really sure of his origin… He entered my life at a time that I couldn’t get enough layers between the world and I.

I walked into the studio at work… and climbed on the purple couch and poured my heart and soul out to the people I work with … I wiped my tears with the blanket… and took naps and such with it during lunch because I could not sleep at night.

Things calmed down for me… My divorce was finalized… Mr Amazing had been introduced into my world… when one snowy march morning I took the off ramp from the interstate towards work at even a slower speed than was recommended and caught a patch of ice and rolled my beautiful car into the the ditch at the very bottom of it…

I was bruised from head to toe… But my knees are what really took the brunt of the accident… and arthritis took up residency in them… That same blanket from that same studio was brought to my desk… to wrap my knees against the cold … to keep the pain at bay as much as possible.

This last July I took a huge leap of faith and left that career of 15 years… I left those boys in the studio who I adored… and set out to really discover who I am.

The blanket came along as I couldn’t bear to leave it behind and as I packed up my belongings… I put it in the trunk of my car…

Where this last Thursday I finally took it from its dark resting place and covered a homeless man sleeping on the sidewalk down the alley my car was parked as I came from a Holiday meal… I wrapped it around him and told him I loved him… and I left wondering what adventure this little blanket would go on next.