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Pause for a Love story

Friday Flashback!!! ( I say that like it a theme… or a real thing… it’s not) I just found an old post I had written about the night Mr. Amazing proposed to me…

Tuesday, September 6, 2011
In the middle of Suicide awareness week… approaching all the 9/11 memorial images flashing across the web… 1 week before my 38th birthday… I would like to pause… and tell a love story…

Sunday night… 8 pm, I finally … Stop focusing on the self loathing… and the injustices…. resentments… insecurities… fears… I finally agree to a night out… Just the two of us… There is a Super Nova! We will never see anything like this again… We pack an ill-gotten telescope (Ill gotten because I was ill over what was spent on it) and swing through Walgreen’s for canned coffee (this was before I discovered the magic beans … Addicted to Coffee ), and gummy coke bottles (find some, trust me)… and we set off driving through the desert… These moments are so rare… Rare just the two of us… and we talk, about ridiculous things… we cringe a little over insecurities… Walk through every horrible past relationship we have had and make comparisons to the relationship we have now.. we discuss our isms….

 Then, on some god forsaken road… in some crazy little town… we stop… We get out… Careful not to shut the doors, you know… incase the boogie man comes… and we laugh… and we giggle… and we ooohhh and ahhhh at the night sky… He fumbles with the telescope… trying in the dark to make it work… We take turns down on the pavement, trying to see anything in the great black vastness of space… We line it up with the google stars app… but to no avail… we hide in the car as another vehicle passes… prepared to run… leaving the telescope … if they are the dreaded mass murders that always find stupid young kids in the middle of no where… I sit in the back of the hatch back… he sits on the ground… cursing the telescope… and I am laughing hysterically as the clouds set in… making the stars invisible to the naked eye… even the moon… and he is so frustrated…

… and I tell him he really is the best thing that has ever happened to me… and he stops… crawls across the pavement on hands and knees… and kisses me.. and tells me he is so glad I think so… and asks me to marry him… Ring in hand… I think I said the word yes… I believe if not, my kisses confirmed that I wanted too… I so want too… I slip the ring on my finger… I cannot see it in the dark… I am ridiculously crazy in love with him… we have a lot to get through… telling the kids… telling the exes (oh god.. the crazy other parents of our children)… Figuring out logistics… convincing me, that 38 isn’t too old… and the world isn’t too horrible… and I deserve to be happy and healthy … and  Forgetting everything else… I will leave this one as the love story 🙂

My Vagina hates Santorum…

Gchat Stream –

me:  I kinda want to make my status update of the day be “My Vagina hates Santorum” … But I dont think i can LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol   not a good idea

me: I didnt post it… but it was funny…

Mr.Amazing: questions will inevitably arise, like “how do you know? you have Santorum in your vagina lately?”

me: Noooo I dont think so… well maybe from you… but no one else im friends with would have the guts to respond to that LMAO

Mr.Amazing: lol there is always womb for Santorum, Santorum, pro womb

me: ROTFL!! That is horrible

Mr.Amazing: Santorum will never clean your womb
that’s the worst ever – btw

me: That was soooooo bad!

Mr.Amazing: I am so pro life
but before a brain has formed, I have a hard time forming an argument
but seriously, I hate it

me:  So this is why even though I am pro life, I dont judge other people based on their opinions, I dont feel I have the right to legislate a womans womb so
keep government out of my womb
HAHA! that should be my status update
Mr.Amazing: no womb for government

me: Exactly!!!

This was our moment

The Traveling Red Dress… A Story… Within a Story… With in a Story

I can’t read this post without tearing up a little each time… Watched the TRD community page for weeks on Facebook… peeked at others Red dress moments… shopped for dresses online… as if I would ever really purchase one… Shared the story with every female friend of mine that I ever thought could use a Red Dress moment… and then one day… This (through a series of events) was sent to me … And I knew my weeks of lurking were over… because honestly, I know everyone feels this way… But I am special…  She inspires me to believe that I can do anything…  more than a box of wine… or 6 vanilla soy lattes… or a good rap session on the freeway commuting into the office… . So I wouldn’t let myself chicken out of… ‘cause I just want to be like The Bloggess that much! So I tried it on

Headless Red Dress

It Fit! Next, I made the arrangements with my soul sister, and set the date and time… and informed her she too would be wearing the dress… Well mostly…#1 because she needs a red dress moment, and doesn’t know it and  even more to the point #2 because then I have equal amounts of pictures of her in said ball gown… should she ever feel the need to show them to anyone. That’s just what kind of friends we are. 

I was a little nervous (Nervous means I didn’t sleep for two days and was irrationally crying a little each time I scaled laundry mountain… since I had failed to properly do laundry  since I found out the dress was coming.. and the dishes … and cooking… The local Indian Restaurant  which I highly recommend knows my voice and calls me by name when I call for take-out) But I hopped in the shower Sunday morning without a care in the world… and exited the shower a hysterical mess…. drying off my shoulders I took a good look at the war wounds there… The claw like stretch marks… the vertical evenly spaced scars on top of them… then let my eyes travel over the rest of me…  They are everywhere… things that I hate… a lump.. a fold.. a wrinkle.. a scar… a bruise.. a freckle… pulled out a unwanted hair and completely melted down… I made my way from the bathroom to my bedroom unseen and climbed back into bed… water drops changing the color of my lavender sheets to a dark purple…. And sobbed … I wish I could tell you I forced myself up and into my car… But I didn’t… I reached for my phone and text said soul sister that perhaps we should catch up on sleep instead… that I didn’t think I felt too well…. And her response was this… and I quote “NO! I have been looking forward to it all week! GET over here NOW!”… so I threw back on my pajamas… grabbed all my makeup…yet somehow no bra…. attempted to get out of the house without alerting smallest child and Mr. Amazing to the streams of tears and shaking hands…. I tried to get out, but Mr. Amazing can spot me from a mile away… I hoarsely ask him to load the gown in my car for me… Which he responds “of course” and I grab the stunningly beautiful Red Pashmina he had overnighted to the house for the occasion… Knowing this moment would be likely… Seeing as the dress was strapless… and he tells me it will be okay.. that he loves me so so so much (he really says so three times, god I love him)…. and that I don’t have to show them to anyone if I don’t like them.. and he finds my camera for me… my special camera that means so much … it reminds me of my grandpa… and he texts me before I can arrive at the house around the corner to make sure I am okay… surprisingly,  I was.

We primped and prepped and talked about our kids… We had grown up together.. and so had our kids… I wonder if our kids’ kids will… wouldn’t that be amazing? I bet it totally happens… And then magic took place… We each took a turn in this Red dress… giggled and laughed and complemented each other.. posed… and might’ve jumped on the bed… took a million pictures… pretended to drink straight from a bottle with the label turned so you couldn’t see it was apple cider instead of whiskey… Danced… folded laundry…

Red Dress Collage

I then pulled my grey man hoodie over this amazingly magical gown.. and ran through the snowy march afternoon to my car with bare feet and drove back around the corner so that smallest child… who I have convinced I am allergic to dresses (also the color pink, glitter, lace, princesses, Barbies,  Lalaloopsies …the list is added to frequently) see me in the dress… (Mr. Amazing said wow!)  She loved it! And wanted it to be hers… but she is five… and has no concept of size and proportions… It would never fit her… She wanted to have a tea party… and I quickly agreed… She went and tossed on a  “Tiana” dress up gown.. and I put on pajamas…with a matching tiara.

I know I don’t have to share these… But I’m not coming this far without showing them off… Magic!

 

Story #2

So, my BFF calls me one day. Yes, I am almost 40 years old. Yes, I said BFF. She tells me about this red dress that we are going to take turns wearing. We are going to get together and do our hair and make-up and act like girls. Notice I didn’t say ask? She knows the only thing I will say “NO!” to her for is setting me up on a blind date. *That’s a different blog*

After expressing to my tweenage daughter that I feel like I had turned into a fat frumpy old mom and her response was, “Feel?” … I knew I needed this. Work, kids, men and life have a way of consuming a woman and I had let it! Text to catch up on sleep? Hell no!! I bought make-up for this!!

For as long as she and I have known each other, we had never done anything like this before. We are not girly girls, hoodies and jeans please! There were no kids, no men, we turned up the radio and giggled as we put on our make-up and curled our hair. I wore the dress first. I absolutely hate my flabby arms, but I didn’t care in the magic dress! It transformed me! I tried to take serious pictures, but if you were to see the ones I was smiling in, it was actually an evil laugh. She was screaming at me because I was having too much fun taking my own pictures with the camera on my phone!

Then it was her turn. She was beautiful! She looked like Snow White with her black hair and bright red dress!

She wanted to take lighthearted funny pictures, not serious ones like I did. Then I leave her alone with my phone and she takes pictures of herself just like she screamed at me for!! They were AMAZING! There is something about taking your own picture that captures what no one else can!

~The Soul Sister