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I Double Dog Dare You…. then Link Up!

Writing Prompt :A Time I Was TrickedDescribe a time you made things…awkward.

 

 

 

There is SOOOOO much material to choose from!!! I decided to go to my very oldest Cohort… Mind you … we have been cohorting since we were 12… there is a history here (see how she got here nickname)…  I dare you to ask your best friend! or child… or S/O… I hope you have as many good stories as I do. If you do it… share it… post the link in my comments!

Phone Junk 2012 3328

Click the image to see the time she and I put on the Blogess’s Dress… I love this woman!

Me: Sooo I need an example of a time I made things awkward…
Cookie Wife:In a crowd or just a personal experience?
Me: I guess there is a large selection? either… for a blog post
Cookie Wife: The several years you hinted towards a threesome in mixed company;
Me: Rotflmao!!! Oh That… That is simply to get a reaction
Cookie Wife: ummmm.. setting me up with <Name removed for obvious reasons> (the other dates weren’t awkward, just disastrous, Or just good stories to tell later on!)
Me: Too Funny!!! like the time I was Drunk and trying out <Name removed for obvious reasons> waterbed with you guys… Yes… that is awkward <I feel it is important to notate I was divorced and ALL clothing was on and it was a giggle fest not some sex pot>
Cookie Wife: I’ve blocked that out. How about… Every party that your parents are there…That’s awkward.
Me: Rotflmao!!! why???
Cookie Wife: Oh you know, we vent about our parents and the crap they do… then we have to smile and pretend we don’t know anything.
Me: bahahahahaha
Cookie Wife: Ummm.. being in the room when you’re cheeky with Mr Amazing
Me: BAHAHAH! When am I cheeky?
Cookie Wife: ALL THE TIME!!
Me: Well… he is cute… I try to make out with him in public as often as possible
Cookie Wife: And I’m over here like: A guy smiled at me today.
Me: I smile at you everyday!
Cookie Wife:  So the guy is really cute! And he didn’t have a ring! … incentive to get to the gym every morning!
Me: Want me to come make it awkward for you?
Cookie Wife: Noooooooooooooo!!!! That reminds me… Ice Skating!! That was awkward
Me: OMG! Seriously… I had a crush on that guy and I was married <insert note here about being married at 19 to someone no where near my age…> I needed you to take him off my hands… Its your JOB!
Cookie Wife: Typical you pawning them off on me…
Me: Ice Skating Guy was hot!
Cookie Wife: That one time you sent me a Jesus pic… that was awkward.
Me: That was AWESOME! Cause you always sent me coffee and wine pictures!
Cookie Wife : Because I can’t use them anymore! :( <Insert note here about how I recently was SO supportive about her becoming all religious like>
Me: Well… I can’t use Jesus
I need a section on my blog titled “I Couldn’t Make This Shit Up”

#Huckabee2016

It has been too long since I have shared one of our chats… Also… yes… we know hashtags do not work in chats…

Kerry: #Huckabee2016
Mr Amazing: #FatChanceInHell2016
Kerry: Bahahaha!
Mr Amazing: #ReligiousMinorityRules
Kerry :He just threw his hat in the ring…. which btw… i think they should literally have to do if we are going to keep saying that
They all should wear a hat… and throw it in a ring
Mr Amazing: LOL the poll numbers are crazy
Kerry: Im gonna need some hats… Im gonna throw that shit in all the rings
Kerry: it is a sad sad day when bush is the lesser of all those evils
Mr Amazing: LOL, yes, yes he is
Kerry: Jesus save us all… and take the wheel
Mr Amazing:  <facepalm>
THROWING MY HAT IN THE RING…. More Specifically… This hat!
hat

Drink. Drank. Drunk…

This public display of drunkenness and debauchery is dedicated to Mama Kats World Famous Writing Prompts! “Write a blog post inspired by the word: Drunk”

mama kats

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THE END

… Magic Happened

mama kats Share a recent text exchange that made you laugh.

Mr. Amazing: Hello

Me: Hiya

Mr. Amazing: Did I directly or indirectly make you grumpy with me?

Me:Nope… Im not grumpy

Mr. Amazing: Okay, I love you

Me: I love you too

Mr. Amazing:  you seemed grumpy, but it could have been my imagination

Me: I am always grumpy when sleeping… I butchered the shit out of my bangs this morning… thought you should know

Mr. Amazing: OMG – ROFL

Me: bahahahaha I should have cut them last night

Mr. Amazing:  how bad are they?

Me: ummmm on a scale from 1 – 10? they are fucked up bahahaha I was on cold medicine, didnt have my contacts in, the mirror was foggy from the shower, I used house scissors… and magic happened

Mr. Amazing:  OMG

Me: #everythingisawesome
Mr. Amazing:
scenegirl_shortish uglybang
LOL I loooove you!

Me: ROTFLMAO! They arent that bad
I mean… they are bad… but I didnt call into work and run to the salon or anything be nice or I will try to straighten them up with these scissors at my desk…. which I have also done before

Mr. Amazing:

Steve-Tyler-funny

Me:

20141007_080725

Mr: Amazing : Straighter than a catholic priest, wait… straighter than that LOL, they are fine I was picturing a butcher job half way up your forehead, I was scared for you.

This Day..

With no make up… and in pajamas… laughing uncontrollably… we middle aged middle class middle of the day took selfies!

This man is the love of my life… that is all…

US

Discussion In The car. ..
Me: <to smallest child> believe it or not I love your daddy more today than I did when I married him.
Mr. Amazing: I love her more too
Smallest Child: I love  more than then too.
Small Child: don’t expect any mushy stuff from me guys. .. seriously

 

Having your cake and eating it too…

mama kats A blog post inspired by the word: sweet

Okay… I will be honest… I read through the prompts this week and just couldn’t come up with a single thing… So I went to my fall back and depended on others to make the magic happen, and by magic I mean cake!

me:  I want cake

Mr. Amazing:  LOL that was random

 me:  Random yes… but true still …in fact, even more than cake… I want pie

Mr. Amazing:   Lemon Rasperry cake 4

 me:  okay… fuck pie… I want that cake

Mr. Amazing:   ROFL

 me:  these things are important dear!

Mr. Amazing:   should I stop by the bakery on the way home? ROFL

 me:  I dont think the bakery will have that cake…And now that I have seen it… nothing else will do…I should show it to The Cookie wife LMAO!

 Mr. Amazing:  ROFLMAO it is butter-cream with lemon curd and fresh raspberries

http://dailydelicious.blogspot.com/2012/01/lemon-raspberry-cake-with-lemon.html

 me:  Cookie Wife… we need to have a serious talk…

I know cookies is your thing… I get that…

I married into the idea…. but… I NEED this cake

Lemon Rasperry cake 4

CookieWife:  LOL!! It looks tasty!!

 me:  I NEED it, from the very pit of my soul!

it is butter-cream with lemon curd

and fresh raspberries

Mr. Amazing:  ROFLMAO

 me:  Why is everyone laughing! This is serious! clear to the pit of my soul I NEED that cake …. BAHAHAHA

Mr. Amazing:  Why are you laughing then?

 me:  because I am deranged…. I part of my soul is missing… I think its that cake!

CookieWife:  Where’s the recipe???

 me:  http://dailydelicious.blogspot.com/2012/01/lemon-raspberry-cake-with-lemon.html

 CookieWife:  It has GRAM and CELSIUS measurements!!!!

Where did you find it??

 me:  LOL! I just saw the pic and hunted it down ROTFL!

 CookieWife:  If you convert all the measurements, I’ll bake it! ;)

me:  SHADDUP! I will get Mr Amazing in on this… 

 me: It has GRAM and CELSIUS measurements!!!!

If you convert all the measurements, She’ll bake it! ;)

MR AMAZING!!  I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Mr. Amazing:  ROFLMAO http://www.onlineconversion.com/ temperature is Celsius and weight is grams

 me:  Quick! Find me another cake…

UPDATE!!!
2014-05-21 14.37.51
These magical little goodies showed up at my office today… they are Lemon Curd and Fresh Raspberries on Shortcake? I think… They were divine! I have the coolest life ever. That is all

NSFW… in a SFW kinda way

Well… I’ve also got to introduce a new character I suppose to this blog…She needs a name… Let’s just call her the CoffeelessCanadian…

Ya kinda hafta come in mid conversation… Be warned… this is a real thing however… and I wouldn’t click the links if you are at work or have small children around you… but you will eventually need to click the links… because… someone somewhere out there is wearing that underwear… and you wouldn’t even know it. Also… I used the NSFW acronym because well… its funny… and this (SFW) but all the JUNK is covered… I don’t wanna be staring at it… hell I do not even know how they walk around with those things!

69f

Chat:

CoffeelessCanadian: You know you are going to get us both some for CHRISTMAS!

Me: Can’t… I’ve already ordered you this for Christmas – Real EBAY Auction Link (NSFW) 

IMAGE HERE (NSFW)

CoffeelessCanadian: OMG STOP GOGGLING THEM!

Me: They could have at least waxed… just sayin’

CoffeelessCanadian: ROTFL that’s what you notice??? I’m trying to figure out why he is smelling his pits

Me: ROTFLMAO! They are wearing rubber-bands over their JUNK and that is what you notice?

CoffeelessCanadian: I Don’t want him. He is tooooo young and he’d be sloppy GUARANTEED! and I want pants.

Me:  Woman.. anyone that wants whatever kinda man in that thong has issues. It just looks painful!

CoffeelessCanadian: Good hell woman! PANTS! move on… too young.. and judging by his nose placement he has not showered in a while

Me: What if it becomes a swimsuit trend!

CoffeelessCanadian: Then I am putting in my own friggin pool!

Me: Right? Cause your father in law… or any father for that matter…. You are welcome

CoffeelessCanadian: OMG I may officially hate you for that.

Me: BLOGGING THIS!

Totes… This is my jam!!!

Mr. Amazing:  ILTIS is going to be my new “catch all response”

me:  Huh?

Mr. Amazing:  I laughed ’til I stopped – ILTIS or Iltis

me:  LOL You are killing me… You need sleep

Mr. Amazing:  Iltis

me:  Quit that, every time you type it all I see is the word tits

Mr. Amazing:  iltis – it’s my new jam

me:  BAHAHAHA

Mr. Amazing:  IMNJ or IMJ – I like it IMJ – iltis

me:  Crazy Pants

Mr. Amazing:  IMJ baby

me:  Im done talking to you until you say words… words that mean things

Mr. Amazing:  I know, it’s difficult to parse

me:  you are grounded

Mr. Amazing: from difficult parsing?

me:  LOL you are a brat

Mr. Amazing: my vocabulary diversity increases when I am drowsy

me:  So does the humor I find in you.

Mr. Amazing I am 100% humor free certified and guaranteed

me:  No, Quite the opposite

Mr. Amazing:  is 520 calories a low-calorie drink?

me:  Ummmm No

Mr. Amazing:  Oh – iltis

me:  LMAO! I am tearing those letters off your keyboard

Mr. Amazing:  IMJ Kerry

me:  A JAM IS A SONG!

Mr. Amazing:  IMJ

me:  LMAO!!! You are going to be the death of me… literally

Mr. Amazing:  I am broadening a colloquial term for personal and casual use that may have an alternate and beneficial effect of causing irritation in others – IMJ

me:  no… just no

Mr. Amazing:  JS, IMJ (just sayin’) that just happened

me:  ROTFLMAO!!!

Mr. Amazing:  TJH, OMG, TJH, IMJ, JS

me:  Quit it!!

Mr. Amazing:  OK

me:  LOL

Mr. Amazing:  iltis

me:  You are making me laugh so hard there are tears

Mr. Amazing:  I’m sorry JS – IS … HFS, IS, that’s totes IMJ

me:  I cant even keep up any more… and you are too old to say totes

Mr. Amazing:  (Holy Fucking Shit) HFS it’s gonna be a thing JS

me:  Thats it… Blogging it

Mr. Amazing:  HFS, TJH, fo sho

This is my favorite pic of Mr. Amazing in all the world... JS...

This is my favorite pic of Mr. Amazing in all the world… JS…

I love it when he talks dirty to me…

Chat :)

 me:  I am buying “King Sized” Muffin tins on amazon… that is all… Imma make all kinds of stuff in those things… I found more ideas… some include yummy dinner things

 

Mr. Amazing:  lol dinner muffins

 

me:  Mini Meatloafs dude! Its gonna happen (Those are words I never ever thought I would say… ever… I have made it a point to NEVER make meatloaf)

 

Mr. Amazing:  Ugh

 

me:  But actually… I was thinking this little taco recipe… LOL and there are other things… chicken bakes… etc.

 

Mr. Amazing: tacos and muffins – seems suspicious

 

me:  Bahahaha Just go with it… im cooking shit… its a miracle

 

Mr. Amazing: I was more thinking that with all of this talk about tacos and muffins…

 

me:  What!.. what ya gonna say? LOLOLOL!

 

Mr. Amazing:  Urban Dictionary … that is all

 

me:  BAHAHAHA!

 

Mr. Amazing:Any number of possibly insulting, more than likely crude, nsfw and otherwise inappropriate comments may ensue (that would be a hilarious tagline for smiffbib)

 

me:  YES! Yes it would!

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

I totally made these btw. My Cookie Wife would be so proud!!!

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.

 

Fat Tuesday on Funday Friday :)

Technically this is just a bunch of Gibberish… but it makes me laugh… really there are even two morals to this story…. Bread and Butter Pickles are Nasty…. and Mr Amazing swears a lot when lacking sleep.

Mr. Amazing:  today is dragging so bad that the day itself is literally sad

me:  Its so sad its comfort eating… that is why its Fat Tuesday

Mr. Amazing:  Fat Tuesday is literally a giant horrible sad monster baby crying for it’s mama

me:  and its mama is a doughnut!

Mr. Amazing: literally

me:  I want one

Mr. Amazing:  I literally went out on a limb with that one

me:  Bahahaha

Mr. Amazing: irregardless of the mama doughnut

me:  We should get doughnuts

Mr. Amazing: LOL I am figuratively a horrible person

me:  You are full of all the words

Mr. Amazing:  irregardless literally bothers me to death

me:  Your words make me wanna throat punch you

Mr. Amazing:  so does “aint’ got none”

me:  OH OH! how about “Aint nobody gots time fo dat!”

Mr. Amazing: one doughnut and a side of pithy sarcasm

me:  instead- I am feeding you a hot dog for dinner… and your gonna like it

Mr. Amazing:  use gonna like it

me:  With chips on the side- I am literally not cooking shit

Mr. Amazing:good, because I really, really, really want to avoid you literally cooking shit

me:  BAHAHAHA

Mr. Amazing:  in fact, compared to literal shit, hot dogs seem pretty okay

me:  Thats why I present it that, we helps with expectations

Mr. Amazing: Yes, thanks for lower my expectations to a reasonable (if not menial) level

me:  I have hotdog buns… its a gourmet meal

Mr. Amazing: Oh yeah!

me:  I dont even wanna eat the hot dogs

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO Hows about with pickles and sauerkraut

me:  Maybe with Sauerkraut but… even then im not so sure… maybe smothered in Nacho Cheese

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO that sounds nasty

me:  I like cheese (Stating the obvious is my super power)

Mr. Amazing: General Obvious?

me:  Ahem… Captain….Obviously

Mr. Amazing:  Fine… Captain Obvious I got paid!

me:  OH! (We still have to eat the hotdogs, or the buns will go stale)

Mr. Amazing:  Okay But we can have dessert…. <evil laughter>

me:  LOL! Actually- If you send me money… I might really go buy Saurkraut

Mr. Amazing:  OMG – Day… Fucking END

me:  14 minutes

Mr. Amazing: Seriously, I am about to BITCH slap FAT Tuesday

me:  ROTFLMAO!!! I CANNOT believe you just said that

Mr. Amazing:  I am laughing at my desk like an idiot

me:  Ditto

Mr. Amazing: Kerry… I can’t stop

me:  Do you want chili for your hot dogs? You need sleep

Mr. Amazing:  I want mustard

me:  we have mustard

Mr. Amazing: and pickles

me:  Uhhhh Im not sure where we are the pickle front

Mr. Amazing: cuz I think the we have the… “It’s a TRAP!!!”

pickles in the fridge the bread and butter tastes like shit evil pickles of doom

Fuck you Bread n’ Butter pickles… Fuck you….

 me:  ROTFLMAO! Gimme your monies! I will buy you pickles… and destroy the enemy ones