My Darling Co-Worker and a late night Costco Shopping Trip…. ‘Nuff Said!
Share a recent text exchange that made you laugh.
Mr. Amazing: Hello
Mr. Amazing: Did I directly or indirectly make you grumpy with me?
Me:Nope… Im not grumpy
Mr. Amazing: Okay, I love you
Me: I love you too
Mr. Amazing: you seemed grumpy, but it could have been my imagination
Me: I am always grumpy when sleeping… I butchered the shit out of my bangs this morning… thought you should know
Mr. Amazing: OMG – ROFL
Me: bahahahaha I should have cut them last night
Mr. Amazing: how bad are they?
Me: ummmm on a scale from 1 – 10? they are fucked up bahahaha I was on cold medicine, didnt have my contacts in, the mirror was foggy from the shower, I used house scissors… and magic happened
Mr. Amazing: OMG
LOL I loooove you!
Me: ROTFLMAO! They arent that bad
I mean… they are bad… but I didnt call into work and run to the salon or anything be nice or I will try to straighten them up with these scissors at my desk…. which I have also done before
Mr: Amazing : Straighter than a catholic priest, wait… straighter than that LOL, they are fine I was picturing a butcher job half way up your forehead, I was scared for you.
With no make up… and in pajamas… laughing uncontrollably… we middle aged middle class middle of the day took selfies!
This man is the love of my life… that is all…
Discussion In The car. ..
Me: <to smallest child> believe it or not I love your daddy more today than I did when I married him.
Mr. Amazing: I love her more too
Smallest Child: I love more than then too.
Small Child: don’t expect any mushy stuff from me guys. .. seriously
Utah’s most dangerous intersections
ABC 4’s Noah Bond asked her, “How many crashes have you seen here in the past two or three months?” Opperman replied, “About four or five.” Noah Bond then states “93% of these were caused by drivers!”
REALLY?? What were the other 7%??
So it took me years to perfect this technique… but I have been keeping track of which ones get the biggest reaction… hence the quickest retreat… The 4 below are the winners! … I have included useful ways to work these into the conversation if you ever find yourself needing to end it…
#1 “I’m an elf.”
(No explanation necessary.)
#2 “you wanna touch it?”
I know from experience that this is one of the most awkward questions in the English language. I have a certain blonde headed friend who uses this phrase as his calling card of awkward situations. In order to really achieve the beauty of this question, one must say it just loud enough to be heard. The goal is not to be clearly understood, but rather just barely understood. The victim should walk away disappointed, confused, and emotionally violated.
#3 “You’re the one!”
Once again, I have experience with this one. This exclamation should be utilized in the most hopeful voice that you can muster. You have to sound like you really believe the person is the one for you, otherwise this is just stupid. Other special effects for this one are puppy dog eyes and an awkward half-smile. This might just be the most potent of the 4. Also, if you happen to attend a Christian university, this phrase works like magic. Ask me how I know
#4 “Tell your mom I said hi!”
Talking about people’s moms is weird enough, but for a total stranger to ask for you to tell your mom that they said hi? That is ridiculous. I think this one is funny because think of the hours of sleep your victim would lose at night because of the constant wondering about how you knew your mom, if you knew your mom, and why you did know your mom if you weren’t lying.