It has been too long since I have shared one of our chats… Also… yes… we know hashtags do not work in chats…
Mr Amazing: #FatChanceInHell2016
Mr Amazing: #ReligiousMinorityRules
Kerry :He just threw his hat in the ring…. which btw… i think they should literally have to do if we are going to keep saying that
They all should wear a hat… and throw it in a ring
Mr Amazing: LOL the poll numbers are crazy
Kerry: Im gonna need some hats… Im gonna throw that shit in all the rings
Mr Amazing: Bush 23, Rubio 18, Walker 14, Paul 11, Cruz 11, Huckabee 5, Christie 5, Carson 7, Perry 2, Santorum, Kasich, Graham, Jindal, Fiorina 1
Kerry: it is a sad sad day when bush is the lesser of all those evils
Mr Amazing: LOL, yes, yes he is
Kerry: Jesus save us all… and take the wheel
THROWING MY HAT IN THE RING…. More Specifically… This hat!
Well the year had finally come that St. Patricks Day fell on a day that smallest child was at her Mom’s for the holiday… I knew last year it was coming so I put in a little extra effort into the prank until the St. Patricks Day eve was upon us and we got a tearful call from that co-parent… She hadn’t realized how much smallest child was looking forward to it… smallest child could be heard in the background screaming “If there is no Leprechauns, then there is no Santa, no Easter Bunny, no Tooth Fairy… ” and so on… we thought she had reached the age of not believing and treated her accordingly… only to realize at the last moment that she might still need/want to believe… we figured it out when she was berating her Mom with lines such as “You are ruining my childhood!” … Soooo what is any stepmother supposed to do that has created this monster? I put in a quick call on the Leprechaun line… they managed to pull off a miracle… and her childhood was saved!
They tiptoed outside her Moms apartment… sneaking up to her car… as it was too late to get into the abode.
They busted into the car in a flurry of green glitter and shamrock confetti!
They left their wisely worded note…
And goodies for the wee lass… including her half sister… the wee-er lass
And that is the story of how St. Patricks Day was saved!
Tall Child was not forgotten in all of this… he was rewarded with gold coins of his own for his help in the Leprechaun Miracle
(You may want to visit our Leprechauns past visits… they are quite evil)
I have had people bemoan my Leprechaun Loyalty in the past… there was the one year a wee lass at school didn’t believe in my smalls Leprechauns
So we helped her build a trap (actually a house because she was afraid of hurting them) The Leprechauns broke into her house (They may have known where the key was hidden and played… quite messily in their kitchen and left some treats!)
And if that is a bit of the stretch from the original prompt I apologize … But you can’t talk about being tricked without a little Leprechaun story!
Writing Prompt :A Time I Was Tricked
Write a poem inspired by the last conversation you had with your child
I slide out from behind the wheel… I think I am going to be ill…
He gets in & adjusts the seat … His expression makes it clear he thinks this is neat!
I buckle in tight … the inside of my cheek I begin to bite!
He puts the vehicle into gear… and smiles to himself over my fear.
Out onto the road he drives… I think I am breaking out in hives.
The first stop sign is not far… I almost go through the windshield of the car.
HUG THE CENTER LINE… YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE
Im screaming and I know it… it was only yesterday he got his first zit!
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY … PLEASE DRIVE MORE SLOWLY
He begins to get a feel for the road… he is in now in driving mode
I let him park in the driveway… that was enough for one day!
“Mom you are the best!” … He smiled and beamed with pride.
“Son, Let’s give driving a rest”… That was the day I almost died.
Truth be told… I can make any story I want to tell fit one of her amazing writing prompts if I want to tell it bad enough… and this story is dying to be told!
Tell us about something new you learned last month
So my cute grandchildren (Tiny and Tinyest) and my angel girl graced our home with their presence for a weekend last month due to a spider infestation at their residence… it was so much fun to have them there… but I learned right after they left that something had been left behind! I tried to rectify it… but finally resorted to this….
Dear Tiny Boy…. I’ve got your blankie. Don’t worry… it’s quite safe…and it will stay that way only if you do exactly as I say… First of all, no contact with the Feds… No contact with the newspapers or TV… Now… on Day after next, you must phone me (look, I know for sure that you know how…Don’t waste time pretending that you don’t! You are too phone savvy… Remember – I have your blankie!)
Phone me at precisely 8am (this is gonna be run like a military operation!),
and invite me – nicely – to go with you on a date. Don’t play games with me; you know the kind of date that I like!
The date must – repeat, must – take place on a Sunday … If you value your blankie you will do what I ask (sorry, demand!).
At the conclusion of said date, you will receive your blanket in the same condition as when you left it. I shall not repeat these instructions.
Any funny business and the blanket gets it!
Well… it didn’t go exactly as planned… but he is 2… so I cut him some slack when my phone rang and PROMPTLY 8 am the next morning and was asked for a date that Saturday… I quickly accepted … and am now waiting to accept the “Worlds Funnest Grandma” award that is surely coming after this!
My Darling Co-Worker and a late night Costco Shopping Trip…. ‘Nuff Said!
Share a recent text exchange that made you laugh.
Mr. Amazing: Hello
Mr. Amazing: Did I directly or indirectly make you grumpy with me?
Me:Nope… Im not grumpy
Mr. Amazing: Okay, I love you
Me: I love you too
Mr. Amazing: you seemed grumpy, but it could have been my imagination
Me: I am always grumpy when sleeping… I butchered the shit out of my bangs this morning… thought you should know
Mr. Amazing: OMG – ROFL
Me: bahahahaha I should have cut them last night
Mr. Amazing: how bad are they?
Me: ummmm on a scale from 1 – 10? they are fucked up bahahaha I was on cold medicine, didnt have my contacts in, the mirror was foggy from the shower, I used house scissors… and magic happened
Mr. Amazing: OMG
LOL I loooove you!
Me: ROTFLMAO! They arent that bad
I mean… they are bad… but I didnt call into work and run to the salon or anything be nice or I will try to straighten them up with these scissors at my desk…. which I have also done before
Mr: Amazing : Straighter than a catholic priest, wait… straighter than that LOL, they are fine I was picturing a butcher job half way up your forehead, I was scared for you.
List your top 5 embarrassing moments
Ha ha… well I have been in a bit of a self loathing mode lately… public humiliation seems to be a great way to round that off… I am a blogger because I have an endless supplies of stories to tell… and below is some of my best material that I have yet to turn into posts… one day I will do each of these things justice… these are probably not the most embarrassing… they are just what came to mind first… and they are not in any kind of chronological order… and are not ordered by the amount of embarrassment experienced… they are simply spilt out into the keyboard to make us all feel better about ourselves today… No matter where I am today… I am not in any of the places below… and for that I am grateful
1- Making Amends with the Barricade
I have shared the story about the time I almost blew up the kitchen… and that I didn’t understand how a vacuum worked… I dont often talk about what happened to get me in that halfway house… and I still wont… but I will say that something I decided to do whilst living there was make amends for some horrible things I had done… and I made some phone calls and I wrote some letters… and I took responsibility for my part of things… and I let go of things that weren’t mine… Oddly… one said thing was a barricade… you know the kind… Orange and white striped… flashing round light on top… I found the owner of Greenes construction company and returned the apartment decor I had been hauling around for about a year… Yeah.. That happened
2- “It gives me hope… and you cant put a price on hope”
28 years old… haven just given birth to my son… I lost 100 pounds.. ironically I had more to lose… and did not… also I gained about half of that back… but not before I starred in a weight loss commercial that aired on latenight TV for years for the supplement I used to help me… I would show it here… but I torched every copy of it in existence… Ever wonder about those ladies on the commercials? That happened.
3- Only 1 OSHA recordable that year…
I was on the safety committee for the company I worked for at the time… I flew to chicago for two weeks for training… at which point I was informed we had only one osha recordable that year… Some girl in Salt Lake City had fallen down a man hole…. unbeknownst to the trainer.. I was that girl… unfortunately… it was not unbeknownst to my colleagues… totally happened.
4- Ohhh There he is! do you want a mirror so you can see his head?
“IF YOU CAN SEE HIS HEAD… THEN YOU CAN GET HIM OUT OF ME… PULL HIM OUT!”
I could not make this shit up.
5 – Let’s do the timewarp again
During my divorce… I struggled alot… sometimes I drank those struggles away… One time I drank them and rallied my entire mormon neighborhood at 4 am to do the TimeWarp on my front lawn….
Some other time remind me to tell you the story about the time I camped out on Robert Englund’s lawn until he asked me to leave… I have a thing for Freddy…
Well… here is my own demonic contribution…