Describe a time you made things…awkward.
There is SOOOOO much material to choose from!!! I decided to go to my very oldest Cohort… Mind you … we have been cohorting since we were 12… there is a history here (see how she got here nickname)… I dare you to ask your best friend! or child… or S/O… I hope you have as many good stories as I do. If you do it… share it… post the link in my comments!
Click the image to see the time she and I put on the Blogess’s Dress… I love this woman!
Me: Sooo I need an example of a time I made things awkward…
Cookie Wife:In a crowd or just a personal experience?
Me: I guess there is a large selection? either… for a blog post
Cookie Wife: The several years you hinted towards a threesome in mixed company;
Me: Rotflmao!!! Oh That… That is simply to get a reaction
Cookie Wife: ummmm.. setting me up with <Name removed for obvious reasons> (the other dates weren’t awkward, just disastrous, Or just good stories to tell later on!)
Me: Too Funny!!! like the time I was Drunk and trying out <Name removed for obvious reasons> waterbed with you guys… Yes… that is awkward <I feel it is important to notate I was divorced and ALL clothing was on and it was a giggle fest not some sex pot>
Cookie Wife: I’ve blocked that out. How about… Every party that your parents are there…That’s awkward.
Cookie Wife: Oh you know, we vent about our parents and the crap they do… then we have to smile and pretend we don’t know anything.
Cookie Wife: Ummm.. being in the room when you’re cheeky with Mr Amazing
Me: BAHAHAH! When am I cheeky?
Cookie Wife: ALL THE TIME!!
Me: Well… he is cute… I try to make out with him in public as often as possible
Cookie Wife: And I’m over here like: A guy smiled at me today.
Me: I smile at you everyday!
Cookie Wife: So the guy is really cute! And he didn’t have a ring! … incentive to get to the gym every morning!
Me: Want me to come make it awkward for you?
Cookie Wife: Noooooooooooooo!!!! That reminds me… Ice Skating!! That was awkward
Me: OMG! Seriously… I had a crush on that guy and I was married <insert note here about being married at 19 to someone no where near my age…> I needed you to take him off my hands… Its your JOB!
Cookie Wife: Typical you pawning them off on me…
Me: Ice Skating Guy was hot!
Cookie Wife: That one time you sent me a Jesus pic… that was awkward.
Me: That was AWESOME! Cause you always sent me coffee and wine pictures!
: Because I can’t use them anymore!
<Insert note here about how I recently was SO supportive about her becoming all religious like>
Me: Well… I can’t use Jesus
I need a section on my blog titled “I Couldn’t Make This Shit Up”
The Light and Shade Challenge
An Epiphany has happened! I am about to tell you about it without the use of an adverb. Thanks to the Light & Shade Challenge! So if this is a hard read… Well… be grateful you did not have to write it.
As I spoke with Small Child last night (Small Child is a nick name, he turns 16 next month) he expressed his dislike of my Nicotine addiction. No, No, I am not a smoker… I used to be… I also used to carry 100 pounds more body fat than I do now… I used to smoke a pack a day…
I need to lose another 100 pounds (I say that with such a casual tone) I need to get off the Nicotine Gum.
Yes… the gum… I have chewed it for years… I feel a little embarrassed by it.
I am half way there. I have done half of what needs to be done.
We set a date… August 10th… to be weened off the stuff…
I hate that anything has a hold on me… I hate being dependent on anything… and as Small Child put it… What if…
What if the Zombie Apocalypse came… He said he would use me as a Nicotine withdrawn weapon… as it would not be available to me.
But I think at this moment, I could face any challenge ahead… Other than writing one more horribly boring … incredibly un-descriptive line of dribble about my mundane physical addictions… I would gladly write a million things other than that… but I needed to get it put in writing… and what better way to do it and aggressively make the point!
Small Child and I!
Well the year had finally come that St. Patricks Day fell on a day that smallest child was at her Mom’s for the holiday… I knew last year it was coming so I put in a little extra effort into the prank until the St. Patricks Day eve was upon us and we got a tearful call from that co-parent… She hadn’t realized how much smallest child was looking forward to it… smallest child could be heard in the background screaming “If there is no Leprechauns, then there is no Santa, no Easter Bunny, no Tooth Fairy… ” and so on… we thought she had reached the age of not believing and treated her accordingly… only to realize at the last moment that she might still need/want to believe… we figured it out when she was berating her Mom with lines such as “You are ruining my childhood!” … Soooo what is any stepmother supposed to do that has created this monster? I put in a quick call on the Leprechaun line… they managed to pull off a miracle… and her childhood was saved!
They tiptoed outside her Moms apartment… sneaking up to her car… as it was too late to get into the abode.
They busted into the car in a flurry of green glitter and shamrock confetti!
They left their wisely worded note…
And goodies for the wee lass… including her half sister… the wee-er lass
And that is the story of how St. Patricks Day was saved!
Tall Child was not forgotten in all of this… he was rewarded with gold coins of his own for his help in the Leprechaun Miracle
(You may want to visit our Leprechauns past visits… they are quite evil)
I have had people bemoan my Leprechaun Loyalty in the past… there was the one year a wee lass at school didn’t believe in my smalls Leprechauns
So we helped her build a trap (actually a house because she was afraid of hurting them) The Leprechauns broke into her house (They may have known where the key was hidden and played… quite messily in their kitchen and left some treats!)
And if that is a bit of the stretch from the original prompt I apologize … But you can’t talk about being tricked without a little Leprechaun story!
Writing Prompt :A Time I Was Tricked
Image from WikiCommons, taken by Elia Biraschi and used under the Creative Commons Agreement
I cannot walk through the suburbs in the solitude of the night without thinking that the night pleases us because it suppresses idle details, just as our memory does. ~Jorge Luis Borges
After finding refuge under a tree… though it’s roots make my lawned mattress a lumpy bed… where I slept away the daylight hours… with one eye open… and my wrist twists through the handles of my satchel to avoid it being lifted… to the sound of someones small children playing on the playground littered with broken glass and sharps of all variety… Knowing that people stared… pitied… loathed me… crossed the way to avoid me… patrol cars counting the hours before they can tell me to move… I did move finally.
I pass the homes… still some windows lit even at this late hour… my mouth is dry… I have no water… my stomach is angry that I have no food… my skin crusted with a salty layer of dried perspiration… the summer heat is not too far off… but here in the night it has not found me yet… Soon it will hunt me and haunt me even in the night… though I just barely have recovered from the last attack… a bitter winter war hunt that many of my tribe elders did not survive…
My shoes are so thin that I feel each crevice in the walk way… each piece of gravel beneath the parchment thin sole between my foot and the road.
My legs ache and knees stiffen giving my walk a quirky swing that will soon cause my hips and lower back to beg me to rest…
There is no rest for me… No where to sit… So I continue to shuffle along both longing and fearing the suns return
At every bench… and every bowery… there is the mark against me… the unwelcome sign.
and so I walk.
This is a work of fiction.
I see this each night in my city.
Do not cross the street from them.
Do not lend to their belief that they do not matter.
They are not invisible.
Every Life Matters.
Brought to you by…
The Light and Shade Challenge
I am lucky enough to be spending the day writing… granted I am writing from a waiting room… but I am the only one here.. and wow… the view is AWESOME!
Damn… first off… let me say… I’m looking mighty fine today…. no really… it’s just a good hair day and that is why I chose this prompt! “Find a photo of yourself taken 10 years ago and display it on your blog along with a current photo. How have you changed since the day that photo was taken?
I remember that day 10 years ago pictured below… on the beach… helping small child fly a kite for the first time… he was so small… and I just wanted to do whatever I could to help him feel like he could do anything, accomplish anything, be anything he wanted… here I am 10 years later… he is a pimply 15.5 year old… I am spending my day sitting outside of the Neurological Learning and Behavior Center while he goes through 5 hours of IQ and Learning testing… because not that much has changed in 10 year… I am still determined to do whatever it takes to let him know there is not a single thing he can not do… You see… my small (or not so small) is not an A student… never has been…. he is a C and D student… and he has had to work as hard for those C’s as so many kids do for an A… High School is burying him alive… and he is just a drop in the ocean of kids there… no one is helping… so we are going to get that help here… He is SO SMART and BRIGHT… he just learns differently than the school district is teaching him… and I will get this kiddo to college… if he wants it… even if it kills me… So in regards to that nothing has changed in the last ten years… other than my hair got FABULOUS! In 3 weeks this center will provide me a road map to help with his educational future and we will know the right steps to take to reach his goals and dreams… whatever they may be… currently it is to be an element bender… or spiderman…. Im not sure they have a class for that shit. Looking down at that picture besides the obvious observation I also have great skin now… I see a good Mom… a mom sitting out here in the waiting area blogging her anxiety away… taking selfies like a teenager just for you!
The prompt was compile a list of best posts and photos from the last year… So instead I compiled a list of posts about my favorite pictures! Check them out!
12 Reasons I Love My Life
January 2014 – From the Front Porch
February 2014 – Sometimes being me is pretty damn cool
March 2014 – I found the Tardis!
April 2014 – Holi Festival of Colors
May 2014 – and once again… Painted Angels
June 2014 – This Day
July 2014 – Wishing for a more relaxing time
August 2014 – I raised these...
September 2014 – Star Lord… Maybe you’ve heard of me
October 2014 – The Toy Room Collection
November 2014 – Short People Got No Reason!
December 2014 – His first date
Well… The New Year brought me something a little unexpected… unexpected because I forgot about it… It brought me a several hundred dollar charge to my bank account… One not budgeted and one I am going to have to tighten the belt on our budget to cover… for something that I seemed to have lost my passion for… for something that had become an after thought… it started to feel like a task… and nobody cared if I did it or not… and I discovered other ways to keep my head from imploding with all the words I pour out here… Yes… Here… Smiffbib.com… My Domain renewed for another 3 years automatically… 3 Years! Can you believe it? I have been writing here for 3 years… I sat and thought for a few moments about what I had accomplished here… and the resounding answer was… NOT A DAMN THING!… and I chuckled to myself because… well… what did I ever hope to accomplish here… this blog is like that seinfeld comedy show… it is about nothing… and I never hoped to accomplish anything more than that… Well… That much was a success…. What has the last 3 years brought me… My new husband (Mr. Amazing) bought me Smiffbib as a gift… we have been through some of the most amazing adventures… trials… illnesses… deaths… all of those thoughts and been poured out into here… hidden in the craziest stories… silly pictures… one self discovery after another… all of the smalls milestones … every fear… every dark corner of depression… every broken thought… Pictures of Disneyland… screams of frustration at the tea party passing bills about my vagina… buried my first grandchild… my exhusband/sons father… and others so close to me…
One day I am going to write something so life changing that people will quote me… they will say Smiffbib and people will know what that means… Or not.
Last year at this time I thought I would be somewhere completely different than I am now… and that was my resolution.
Did you know how far you can come inside yourself without any external changes? Did you know how much you could be okay inside yourself no matter what kind of chaos is carrying on around you?
I have no idea what this new year will bring… none… I have no idea where I will be the next time this domain is up for renewal… I hope I have as much to say about them as I have this last three… Mr. Amazing just called me from the office.. He transferred the money into my bank account… he told me to stop worrying… I could keep Smiffbib… so I suppose I will have somewhere to record them all…
Soooo… I guess it is time to get out of this bed… and begin the new year.
Shout out to my favorite writing group of all time… and Kats prompt for getting me all resolutiony today… I have written 464 posts… here is to another couple hundred more.
Write a post in just 12 lines.
… Going to work Monday mornings is like riding a bike
… And the bike is on fire…
And your clothes are on fire…
And everything’s on fire because you’re in Hell…
… At least Hell is warm
… it is 39 degrees today
4 pm start pintresting dinner ideas from the office…
call small child and see what I may or may not have in the freezer…
… Get non authentic… but oh so fattening Mexican food instead
… Think of getting a load of laundry done… maybe some writing… painting
Turn on the tv… remove bra… put on PJs … curl up on couch instead…
Check alarm for setness … promise myself it will be different tomorrow…