Articles

No Loitering…

Image from WikiCommons, taken by Elia Biraschi and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

Image from WikiCommons, taken by Elia Biraschi and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

I cannot walk through the suburbs in the solitude of the night without thinking that the night pleases us because it suppresses idle details, just as our memory does. ~Jorge Luis Borges

After finding refuge under a tree… though it’s roots make my lawned mattress a lumpy bed… where I slept away the daylight hours… with one eye open… and my wrist twists through the handles of my satchel to avoid it being lifted… to the sound of someones small children playing on the playground littered with broken glass and sharps of all variety… Knowing that people stared… pitied… loathed me… crossed the way to avoid me… patrol cars counting the hours before they can tell me to move… I did move finally.

I pass the homes… still some windows lit even at this late hour… my mouth is dry… I have no water… my stomach is angry that I have no food… my skin crusted with a salty layer of dried perspiration… the summer heat is not too far off… but here in the night it has not found me yet… Soon it will hunt me and haunt me even in the night… though I just barely have recovered from the last attack… a bitter winter war hunt that many of my tribe elders did not survive…

My shoes are so thin that I feel each crevice in the walk way… each piece of gravel beneath the parchment thin sole between my foot and the road.

My legs ache and knees stiffen giving my walk a quirky swing that will soon cause my hips and lower back to beg me to rest…

There is no rest for me… No where to sit… So I continue to shuffle along both longing and fearing the suns return

At every bench… and every bowery… there is the mark against me… the unwelcome sign.

“No Loitering”

and so I walk.

This is a work of fiction.

I see this each night in my city.

Do not cross the street from them.

Do not lend to their belief that they do not matter.

They are not invisible.

Every Life Matters.

 

Brought to you by…

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

Maybe I am just weak?

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi

But what if you can’t forgive?

I wanted to kick off this blog by extolling the virtues of forgiveness… I know that forgiveness is the seat of liberation…  However, try as I might, I just can’t muster up the energy to write a big soaring blog on something I’m still having trouble with.

The truth is, sometimes forgiveness feels impossible.  Is there someone in your life that no matter how hard you try, how many books you read, how many lectures or workshops you attend, you still can’t forgive? Are you tough on yourself for that? Me too.

Here’s a baby step: Forgive yourself for not forgiving.

Thanks to the Light and Shade 100 Word Challenge… Great Prompt! Even if I am not great at it!

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

A Year in Review….

mama kats

The prompt was compile a list of best posts and photos from the last year… So instead I compiled a list of posts about my favorite pictures! Check them out!

12 Reasons I Love My Life

January 2014 – From the Front Porch

February 2014 – Sometimes being me is pretty damn cool

March 2014 – I found the Tardis!

April 2014 – Holi Festival of Colors

May 2014 – and once again… Painted Angels

June 2014 – This Day

July 2014 – Wishing for a more relaxing time

August 2014 – I raised these...

September 2014 – Star Lord… Maybe you’ve heard of me

October 2014 – The Toy Room Collection

November 2014 – Short People Got No Reason!

December 2014 – His first date

2015

Well… The New Year brought me something a little unexpected… unexpected because I forgot about it… It brought me a several hundred dollar charge to my bank account… One not budgeted and one I am going to have to tighten the belt on our budget to cover… for something that I seemed to have lost my passion for… for something that had become an after thought… it started to feel like a task… and nobody cared if I did it or not… and I discovered other ways to keep my head from imploding with all the words I pour out here… Yes… Here… Smiffbib.com… My Domain renewed for another 3 years automatically… 3 Years! Can you believe it? I have been writing here for 3 years… I sat and thought for a few moments about what I had accomplished here… and the resounding answer was… NOT A DAMN THING!… and I chuckled to myself because… well… what did I ever hope to accomplish here… this blog is like that seinfeld comedy show… it is about nothing… and I never hoped to accomplish anything more than that… Well… That much was a success…. What has the last 3 years brought me… My new husband (Mr. Amazing) bought me Smiffbib as a gift… we have been through some of the most amazing adventures… trials… illnesses… deaths… all of those thoughts and been poured out into here… hidden in the craziest stories… silly pictures… one self discovery after another… all of the smalls milestones … every fear… every dark corner of depression… every broken thought… Pictures of Disneyland… screams of frustration at the tea party passing bills about my vagina… buried my first grandchild… my exhusband/sons father… and others so close to me…

One day I am going to write something so life changing that people will quote me… they will say Smiffbib and people will know what that means… Or not.

Last year at this time I thought I would be somewhere completely different than I am now… and that was my resolution.

Did you know how far you can come inside yourself without any external changes? Did you know how much you could be okay inside yourself no matter what kind of chaos is carrying on around you?

I have no idea what this new year will bring… none… I have no idea where I will be the next time this domain is up for renewal… I hope I have as much to say about them as I have this last three… Mr. Amazing just called me from the office.. He transferred the money into my bank account… he told me to stop worrying… I could keep Smiffbib… so I suppose I will have somewhere to record them all…

Soooo... I guess it is time to get out of this bed... and begin the new year.

Soooo… I guess it is time to get out of this bed… and begin the new year.

Shout out to my favorite writing group of all time… and Kats prompt for getting me all resolutiony today… I have written 464 posts… here is to another couple hundred more.

mama kats

I.Just.Can’t.Even

Small child was off at the Winter Ball…. His very first date… that we had put so much effort in to making it fairy tale like so it would be something he could always remember… But I will save that for another post… dedicated to that story on its own…

Mr.Amazing and I thought we would take advantage of a night down town on our own… childless… at this time of year that ofcourse means holiday shopping… when my phone rang in the middle of the electronics aisle… Many of you will remember my fundraising efforts earlier this year for a man in stage 5 kidney failure… the call was to inform me that he and his 11 year old son had been struck and killed by a vehicle… and they were trying to let family know as it would be all over the news that evening….

I just can’t even…

It is so awful… The most awful thing is the boy, Levi… I only met Levi once… for a few moments… shared a few Dr. Who quotes with him and sent him off to play with the boys… I cannot imagine what his mother will do… I just cant even wrap my mind around this….

Todd… The Father… I did know… I have known him all of my life… we have been close and then lost contact so many times I cannot keep track… I am not ready I suppose to feel all the feels I would experience in  telling you all the wonderful things I had intended to write about this man right now…  Instead I will just post this instead… which I really intended to write something heartfelt and inspiring to accompany… But I.Just.Can’t

http://www.gofundme.com/iulpcg

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Happy Anniversary… I haven’t killed you in your sleep yet!

Dear Mr. Amazing…

Tomorrow  we celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary… Can you believe it? 3 years! I could write some gooey, heartfelt essay about my undying love for you, but …! It’s not really me. And let’s face it… our marriage isn’t the picture perfect love romance…

Let’s go back to a time when we looked at each other… I mean… really looked at each other… and thought we were luckiest people in the world! Our beginning wasn’t the most romantic… but it was a moment I will forever be grateful that you saw me… really saw me.

I took your hand… and I never let go…

I was troubled when you met me… you were too… Lost and misunderstood… we understood each other… and that’s all that mattered. We lit up each other’s paths and guided each other out from the darkness. You helped heal me in ways no one else could.

You weren’t like any of the others… you were unique… You were everything I could have wished for and more! We are untouchable… unbreakable.

True love is more than kisses and romance… True love is about loving someone unconditionally… through the good times and the bad.

Here’s to our ‘perfectly imperfect’ marriage… and many many more years of laughter… pinching… poking… face making… and smacks on the ass… I love you Mr. Amazing, so much… That is all.
US

My Life in 12 Lines

mama katsWrite a post in just 12 lines.

… Going to work Monday mornings is like riding a bike

… And the bike is on fire…

And your clothes are on fire…

And everything’s on fire because you’re in Hell…

… At least Hell is warm

…  it is 39 degrees today

4 pm start pintresting dinner ideas from the office…

call small child and see what I may or may not have in the freezer…

… Get non authentic… but oh so fattening Mexican food instead

… Think of getting a load of laundry done… maybe some writing… painting

Turn on the tv… remove bra… put on PJs … curl up on couch instead…

Check alarm for setness … promise myself it will be different tomorrow…

 

stuck-in-a-rut-2

Oh Hell No…

“The house was haunted. Well, at least it was haunted while I was there. As soon as I left, the house cleared up.
” – Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

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I remember when I was 15… a group of us kids took some canned food for donations and entry into the haunted house just a few days before Halloween… I was so excited… I loved Halloween.. I loved scary movies… I loved being out late at night with my friends… and then I heard the chainsaw roar… and we walked through the doors …

I am behind my friend and have strong-armed him into position directly in front of me… Like a shield… someone you never see walks around the room… occasionally pausing to stroke your face or jab at your neck with a hand in strangle formation or the point of something sharp… You never see any of this coming. It just happens. In the dark.

Chain saws… screams… CLOWNS… it is 45 minutes of hell… most of which my eyes are closed… I can now feel my friends skin through the t shirt that I have shredded while clinging to it… Later… he shows me actual claw marks left on his back… as he informs me I was the scariest part of the whole experience for him.

Never ever again did I go to a haunted house… I ride through spook rides at amusement parks with my eyes closed and act like I enjoy the whole thing… This past Friday Small Child asked to go with some friends to the SAME HAUNTED HOUSE (I could not make this up) I agree to let him go… I even offer to drive them… I drop them off at the gate warning them to be careful… and I move to the furthest location of the parking lot and I wait… allowing them to believe I have left.

THERE IS NO WAY I AM LEAVING MY BABY THERE!

after sitting there in the dark 10 minutes or so… I hear the scraping of feet draggin through the gravel of the lot… It is pitch black… I start looking frantically around me… I see several figures moving through the parking lot… in rags… and walking with a dead limb or a dislocated looking shoulder… SHIT!… I text Mr. Amazing…. he is soooooo sorry… BAM! on my back window… and swamp voodoo mans face is pressed up against the glass… I scream … pee a little (okay not really… but if my bladder had had ANYTHING in it… would’ve happened)

and flipped the stupid kid off

OH HELL NO!

I crack my window and inform the monsters that I am waiting for some teens that are inside… and they can move on to the next victim… and spend the next hour checking all my mirrors like a wild woman.

Hauntedhousekids

Small child loved it.

Next year he can drive his own damn self!

Shout out for this walk down memory lane… and the nightmares are dedicated to the greatest writers workshop in the world!

mama kats Something that scared you when you were young…are you still afraid?

Greetings October

mama katsList your top favorite things about Fall.

The crunch of leaves underfoot can be experienced just about everywhere.

Orange hues at sunset… on the leaves… the pumpkins… I love orange.

Caramel …. Caramel everything!

Hoodies!

Boots!

Sweaters and tights!

Scarves!

The sound of leaves crunching into the sidewalk as we walk.

The sound of my dog running through the leaves.

Pine cones!

Cinnamon!

Uggs!

Hot Coffee for me … Hot Chocolate for the smalls… hot tea for Mr. Amazing.

Driving through the canyon to see the walls of the canyon blazing in color.

Shorter Days!

The smell of the heater the first few times it fires up!

The first time you see your breath in the morning!

The Great Pumpkin – Charlie Brown!

I LOVE AUTUMN!

love_autumn