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I’ve never even had a rose ceremony!?!?!

mama kats Welcome to the most shocking rose ceremony in writing prompt history.

Please award roses to the ten people (or items) in your life that you’d like to continue pursuing a relationship with.

In no particular order and without further ado…

single red rose

1 – I could fill half of this list with just those who reside in my home… But I am feeling the need to dig deep and really take a personal inventory of that which I am grateful for in my life… That being said… Those in my home deserve mention… Mr Amazing is the love of my life… He is my best friend… and I love him so hard. Small Child (not so small) continues to amaze me daily with his bright charismatic self…. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to my life… and I can not express the gratitude I have for him… I admire him so much. Smallest Child (Ms SassyPants) is the latest breath of fresh air into my existence… we have really stepped up our StepParent/StepChild game… and I have loved every minute of it… She is so clever… and I am honored to be part of her upbringing…. So that is a Rose for my little Family. (With an honorable mention for Tall Child and her three Tinies!)

FamilyOh My Gosh!

2- Betty Perea – This woman has brought more joy to my life than I can express… She has given more wisdom…invited palpable spirit…  inspired more crazy… and driven more motivation than I can explain… I love her… She teaches humility and gratitude without even saying a word… She is wild and funny… you never know what she is going to say next… She thrives off of keeping people on their toes and she has been the greatest mother like friend I have ever known… She brings a different perspective to the table… and I love her mysticism, skepticism, and superstitions. She gave me my love of coffee and mexican food.   A Rose to my old soul (With an honorable mention to her children, who I love beyond measure)

Betty and Boys

3- Tolman – I have known this chicka forever! She is my Cookie Wife.. My Soul Sister… My Co Parent (for her smalls and mine :))… She goes on all my crazy adventures with me… She wore the Bloggess’s Red Dress with me… We’ve been through marriages and divorces with each other… we have laughed as well as cried the hardest in our lives in front of each other… we are linked by a special energy that is thicker than blood… She is the cheese in my enchilada :) A rose for her… with all the thorns cut off… because just once something beautiful should come to her without the trials. (I would make it rain roses on her beautiful babies who I treat like my own)

Tolman

4 – The Fluffinator! My Stef! My favorite heavy metal loving animal enthusiast teenage rearing sexy beast on the planet… She is my escape… She is my safe place… she is my cohort on adventures that we are way too old to take… She is down to earth… a fantastic mother… she is beautiful… has a passion for purple and a strength like no one else I have ever met. She is so intelligent and she has the biggest heart! She is always up to something fun and most nights seem to end with fireworks and alcohol when we are together.  Raising our two boys together has been amazing… we call each other for advice… to vent… and to discuss anything supernatural. I do not know how I lucked into her entering my life but I am grateful for it every day…. Small Child (not so small) will always think of her as his other mother… She is my back up mom… and I miss her! Roses all around… (honorable mention to her crazy kiddos who I freaking love like crazy)

Stef

5 – Michelle – She is actually my cousin.. I mean that is how we met… but she became my friend in our adult lives… She has more integrity and acceptance in her little finger than I could ever hope to achieve… She is funny… She is talented… She is a great mom.. and has always always been there for me… no matter what I have needed. She is so kind… and when someone starts gossiping or being negative she is the first one to shut it down. She is always willing to try new things and lets me just be me. Our kids have trick or treated together every year for as long as I can remember… Eventually we are going to have to find someone else to steal candy from! –  A Rose

 

Halloween

6 – Danielle – There is a story behind Danielle.. She is a close friend of mine’s daughter… a few years ago… We lost her mother… It was heartbreaking. From this came something wondrous and miraculous into my life however… This stunningly brilliant young woman… she is amazing… my children worship the ground she walks upon… and we would gladly just keep her forever… She has this awesome throaty laugh that reminds my of her beautiful mothers laugh… and I cannot imagine our lives without her in it… She is the s’more master… the butt toucher… the ceiling walker… and the best kind of big sister  figure on the planet for my smalls… She will always always have a home to come too and a family who loves her…. (honorable mention to her brother who I love and have great hopes for)-A Rose.

Danielle

7- Enough with all the estrogen! Lets give some Testosterone some attention – My Christian! This guy has been my friend for 18 years now… I have watched him grow up… and he has watched me mature (see how delicately I handled the age difference?) He is my hot cuban mess… and he is the greatest thing since sliced bread… I love him so much… he is so well spoken.. he passion for history is contagious… his love for family is admirable… I have told him things I could never tell another soul on the planet and knew he would tell me how stupid I was when I needed him to… he would also tell me how loved I was when I needed him to… I love to discuss philosophy and politics with him… and I love that no matter how much time passes… when we hit rock bottom… repeatedly… respectively… we will always have a friend within each other to lean on and shoulder to cry on. I am a better person because of him. – A Rose

Christian

8- This Guy… If you know me… you know why – Zip the Wonder Dog – A Rose to you my buddy… you did it! I remember pleading with you when you were hit by the car to just live long enough to get him through the divorce… then again when he lost his dad … to stick around long enough to get him by… he couldn’t lose so much at once.. but you just keep ticking… Please… just get him through High School… You are the most constant thing in his life and we love you. (Honorable mention to the cat…  Shadow Cat… I remember the day I brought you home to my very scared and sad little family… you were enough of a distraction to get through the first days of some very hard realities… and for that I am grateful… You tolerate us.)

 

ZipZipShadow

9 – Now,.. The Prompt did mention items… and I cannot forget this little beauty I am typing this away on…My cute little purple coated macbook air. I am sorry I neglect you… I am sorry I never update you… I let your battery die… you collect dust. You are the tool of my creativity and I have slept snuggled up to you more often that I care to admit…. A Rose.

IMG_3249

10 – Myself… I am taking the easy way out… I have the most amazing list of people I should have included… I have nieces and nephews who I adore… such an awesome list quirky  life long friends… Family… But the truth is there was a time in my life I didn’t have any of you… and Depression worked rather determinedly to keep it that way… But this awesome woman never gave up… she never forgot that depression was lying to her… she worked her ass off… as a parent.. as an employee… as an artist… as an individual with a different way of seeing and doing things… and I would very much like to apologize to her for the abuse she has endured at my own hand… from my own stupid decisions.. and I would like to thank her for hanging in there… despite it all … and being such a bad ass. I’m funny… Smart… and my cleverness is overflowing. I kinda like me. Thanks to everyone who loved me enough for both of us on the days I cant love myself. – A Rose

Kerry

A soul set fire

The Year Twenty Fifteen started like this…. 2015 <– this is a link… it will open in a separate window should you care to read it or here it is paraphrased… I would call that a resolution… a resolution to write more.

I did some serious soul searching in 2015… I took that resolution seriously…I have a story inside of me and I am going to write it.

I QUIT MY JOB of 15 years…. I did that thing! So that I could find balance… so that I could write.

Mr Amazing supported me through it… My Small (who is not so small) encouraged me… asked me how it was coming… Had I written or blogged?

You know… Life is full of ironies… Just as I had cleared the path for myself to really dig in and be who I always wanted to be…. to write:

I painted instead…

I travelled to San Diego… and San Francisco

I caught up with friends

I caught up with my smalls

I cooked… I did really

I colored in those trending Zentangle coloring books… a lot

The Force is Strong with this one

The Force is Strong with this one

and yet… once again… I have this darling husband that has renewed my blog/domain… so that it is here… when I am in the mood.

So as I enter 2016 with my life going completely different than I had planned it… working in an office only enough to get by…  leaving myself plenty of creative time… I can’t help but marvel at the things I have done… even if they are not what I set out to do.

I am in awe of the happiness I have found.

I am excited for the adventures that will come next… I am feeling quite recharged… Unlike my laptop… who had collected some dust and was dead when this morning I decided I should capture the silence of an empty house (Before the not so small wakes up, sleeping in enjoying his winter break… and before my step small arrives in all her glory… loud loud glory… constantly singing taylor swift at the top of her lungs… cackling like a witch from The Haunting Hour…. and achieving every ballet pose ever learned at an alarming rate of speed… from her other home) WANT TO SEE OUR FAMILY PHOTOS?!?! BAHAHAHA!

Sad little neglected cute purple laptop

Sad little neglected cute purple laptop

And so… My Resolutions for 2016 are not to lose ten pounds (Although it should be)… Or to eat only organic (although that too would be good)… or to drink less (I dont think I could possibly drink any less… ha ha I am not really a drinker)…  it is simply this….

be-fearless-in-the-pursuit-of-what-sets-your-soul-on-fire

A Giant Shout Out to MamaKats! Without her prompts I am not sure I would remember to write at all…… I chose the fifth prompt this week “Look back at the resolution you made last year at this time, how did you do?” Go grab a prompt of your own… and do all the things!

mama kats

Baby… It’s cold outside!

Write a blog post inspired by the word: frozen mama kats

There could not have been a more perfect prompt for my life this week… Yesterday was 60 degrees and sunny…. We woke up to this

image1 (1) This is just in town… not the freeway… I had this view

for about 45 minutes… from this bridge I could see the school I was trying to get my small (not so small) too… but couldn’t get to it… The school district however did not close the schools…. So Self Declared Snow Day it is… Fuck this shit

image2 Dont mind the valet receipt reflecting on windshield as I photograph my small (not so small) from the warmth of my car… On a conference call with work through my blue tooth/Car speakers (this appears to be my office for the day)  as he struggles with the entire supply of ice melt from the drug store to my car…He is pushing it through a foot of snow that fell in just a few hours…

Today would have been his first day driving in the snow… Most of the time we get an inch or two… its good to practice… I think he can try it tomorrow instead…

So we have a conference call going on in the kitchen – we are naming that Mr. Amazings office for the day (Damn him! he has the food)

Finally I find myself curled up in bed with my laptop…

We are now measuring 18 inches of snow on the porch…

Baby… Its cold outside.

 

I’m just gonna leave this right here… okay now… bubye.

Write about a time you thought there was a ghost.

Write about a time you thought there was a ghost.

I am not going to start a debate on whether or not ghosts are real… or the supernatural… or anything of the sort…because honestly I just don’t care…  I am just going to state one fact… you cannot live with me for long and deny that there is something besides us here… call that something what you will… but you can’t deny its existence…

This fact was challenged upon entering my marriage for Mr. Amazing… I think he thought it was cute that I was so eccentric…. But much like with everyone else… It just was not worth the discussion… because a ghost doesn’t pay the bills… or do the laundry… cook dinner… bring about world peace…so really… what good is it.

This is one story of many… but it is my favorite because it scared the Bejeezus out of my Sexy Husband… Here is what happened:

Its been about 2 years now… It started slow… Doors opening and closing… Wiring seeming to be going out as lights flickered in the hall and bathroom… Harmless things… super easy to explain away…. So what are two grown adults going to do? Try to explain it away… HA!

IMG_2127

This is the light that would randomly turn off when someone was in there… it had to be wiring because it isnt like the light switch moved… the light just quit working…. but the wiring magically got fixed all by itself now.

We adjusted the thermostat… we ran a hot shower trying to make the door swell… we tried numerous things to try and recreate what was happening… because I am supportive of my cute husband and his insistence science can explain it.  I like science! But our attempts were in vain… and the door opening and closing continued…

I think my favorite night was when we were in bed… our door flew open… we blamed it on the wind… and closed it again… only to have it open again once we were back under the covers.

This carried on for several weeks… it was a symphony of doors… down this hallway

IMG_2128

Our bedroom is at the end of the hall… The first door on your right is Little Miss Smalls door…it was the most active participant. But  only when she was not home.

Now cue the baby crying… WHAT? We don’t have a baby! … Thats right folks… in the middle of the night we would hear a baby crying… we would hear it in different places… For Example.. we would both be in bed… we would both hear the crying… but I would swear it was outside the window.. he would swear it was on the other end of the house…. and WOOSH! the door (that was already closed) would slam.

Then the footsteps started… and that was the end of it for Mr. Amazing… We had been living this way for about 5 months at this point… He could not deny it any longer… and he wanted it gone!

Which was sad kind of… because it really was such a sweet little thing…

“Don’t you know other weirdos that can do something about this??” he asked in desperation (Door Slam at 2 am WHAM!)

“Ironically… I do”

and I did… and I did what my dear friend suggested… with a little help from my not so small… and other than a peek a boo once and again from our invisible friend… things have been quiet.

“Let’s never speak of this again” – Mr Amazing

Well… it just made the blog!

Bahahahaha!

 

All my life…

Something you wanted to be when you grew up.

Something you wanted to be when you grew up.

<settles in with popcorn, a drink, grey sweatpants, messybun, dog on my feet, TV on in the background>

My Entire life… for as long as I can remember … I have wanted to do one thing….. Write.

Sure I took classes for writing… along with child development… business development… then I went and worked a Marketing career for most of my adult life.

My dreams of being a writer were prior to blogging days… prior to internet days… yes… I am that old

My first memories of wanting to write come in Elementary school… where i remember being so moved by a book that I described it so emotionally in the book report that a teacher mentioned my flair for drama might make me a writer.

Through Junior Highschool I switched to the gothic poetry writing… life is bleak… wear all black… stick it to the man. stuff.

Highschool brought more poems… and cutting… and then I began trudging the road to a happy destiny… that included the stopping of wallowing in the wrongs of the world… and the impending demise of it… and onto looking at the brighter side of things…. and the writing stopped for a time….

Once I wrote a story… about 500 pages worth of it… it was a mixture of real and fabrication to make it sound better… and then I put it in a garbage can and set it on fire.

The internet happened… which was quickly followed with message boards and forums… I wrote like a mad woman… really… I was mad about so many social issues.

Then blogs… Ive had several.. finally landing here years ago and settling in nicely … see? notice the popcorn and pajamas?

I joined some writing groups… not much unlike this favorite workshop of mine (Kats)

and a story started… a fictional one… and it is beautiful.

and I write.

I have always been a writer… from even before I knew I wanted to be one…

It kind of reminds me of this… I am just gonna leave this right here… I’m done… the popcorns gone.

 

… My amazing graces

Go ahead and click play on the song  – We all know how much I love The Piano Guys… Well this is their latest work of art… and I dub it the themesong of my life right now… so give it a listen while you finish reading this beautiful disaster.

So I kind of disappeared there didn’t I!

I disappeared long before I stopped writing the blog… Slowly I was turning invisible… But as my previous blogs have mentioned I was ready for change… I was ready to be Bad Ass… and bad assery is on the way…

I did it… I quit my job… and what I did at first… was clean compulsively … I mean not really clean … but pick up and vacuum a lot … dusted some things… put away alllllllll the laundries…

then I watched a season or two of TV …

Here are the things I did not do: stay in bed all day… cry… stay in pajamas… eat like shit

The second week we took our summer vacation to San Diego… and the magic was palpable (… I just really love that word)

SanDiego

 

We did all kinds of things…. as you can see above… including the safari park… body surfing… Mr Amazing’s glasses went to swim with the sharks… got sunburnt in all kinds of weird places… Drank ALLLLLLLL the cocktails… ate enchiladas that I swear were my spirit animal

Here are the things I did not do: Panic… Hurt… Cry… stay long enough (seriously I could spend weeks there)

and suddenly here I am wrapping up week two of unemployment… My saved up vacation pay has been paid out and I am officially not earning any money.

I took some time to get the kiddos ready for school… inventorying of clothes and shoes and such… I spent some time with family… I spoke on the phone to friends… Not text or gchats… like actual phone conversations that lasted longer than 5 minutes… I applied for some jobs… and set up a couple of interviews for next week…and I wrote… I mean really wrote… not blogged… not updated my facebook status… or tweeted… I mean I wrote… about 50 pages worth of a novel I have been typing a page here and there on for over a year…

I painted… a little

I listened to music

I hung out with my kids… just hung out… doing nothing

I cooked dinners… really cooked them… didnt drive through for them or microwave them

I am having a family dinner tonight… Tall child and Allllllll the babies included.

I found a part of myself I had lost… The part that knows how to slow down… and breathe.

I will let you know what I find next.

 

 

 

Dear Son…

It’s so fucking hard to believe you’re turning 16 today.

Apparently… when I blinked, your little blond mancub self… who used to spend hours catching grasshoppers and swimming and music has grown into a tall…kind.. thoughtful…  smart teenager who loves games and girls…

I know this journey hasn’t been easy.

I know your dad and I (especially I!) have made mistakes… but we have done our best… I promise to continue to do so.

It’s not easy figuring out what should be said and done and those words that should remain unsaid and the actions that should remain undone.

Because sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to stay back and let the lesson teach itself… I am so sorry about your dad not being here.

There have been a couple of close calls–a few times I felt my heart in my throat.

When you chased your sister and her friends around the block… with myself and some neighbor lady trying to catch you… when you got past the dead bolt for the first time… when the lump formed on your neck… and later when they wheeled you away to surgery to remove it….when you broke your leg… when the scuba gear sank you like a lead weight…. when your dad died…

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell you what I want you to know. Many times… we don’t see eye-to-eye. Sometimes…  I don’t do well when I’m put on the spot. Sometimes (most times),  I do better in writing. So here goes.

I know you think you have it figured out. Life, I mean.

And in many ways, you do. You get good grades, you get along with your peers, you love music and your viola,. You feel things deeply… and injustice bothers you.

These are all attributes that make me proud of you.

Please–never fail to listen when somebody older and wiser tries to give you advice… Let the BFG offer to help with math…  You don’t always have to take it (many times you shouldn’t!), but listen to those who care enough to try to help.

In just a few years, you’ll be going off to college– Now you are driving without me… making decisions on your own.

I’m not worried about that. Well shit…  I do worry a little, but I think you’ll be fine.

Your moral standards will hold. I know it may sound cliché but I’m going to say it anyway…  follow your heart. Follow your conscience. It’s kept you kind and compassionate.

One thing I do worry about: I want you to make time for friends. I know you are introverted and it’s easier to stay by yourself … but you have so much to offer others: your sense of humor…  your knowledge of current events… your integrity…  your wit. You’re so funny!

Please, don’t sell yourself short. Shoot for the stars! Set high goals. It’s okay to not always succeed — sometimes falling is part of the process. Don’t let yourself get discouraged. Sometimes, you’ll get told “No.” Even though it stings, it’s not the end of the world. If it’s important to you, keep trying…don’t let one person (or opportunity) hold you back. Never let YOU be the one to hold yourself back.

When you do win…know you deserved it. Nobody can say you didn’t.

I’m your mom, and I love you more than I can say… more than there are words to write…and I can’t wait to see how you’re going to shake up this world of ours.

It’s going to be beautiful.

You are My Sunshine...

You are My Sunshine…

 

 

Plot Twist!

Writing Prompt :Write a blog post in exactly 15 lines.

Writing Prompt: Write a blog post in exactly 15 lines.

Everything is Changing!

<Insert action shot of leap of faith here>

Small Child bought a car 17 days before his 16th birthday (Pictures)

Tall Child is squeezing out a baby girl any day now

The Supreme Court ruled… churches burned… the flag was taken down by someone who could not wait any longer.

Change is in the air my friends and I can’t wait any longer.

Locking arms with my truth and facing the world without a single inkling of a purpose or plan

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

The definition of genius is doing something you have never done before and not having any expectation of result.

I am somewhere in between these two

I am so far out of my comfort zone I cannot even see it from where I stand

But I am standing

I am irresponsible… and irreplaceable… and no one else can play my part

It is the role of a lifetime… my lifetime

this is line 15.

How to completely change your life in one week…. Wordless Wednesday!

Everyone Can Marry!

Everyone Can Marry!

The Kid Small Enough to still do this...

The Kid Small Enough to still do this…

Is 17 days away from doing this alone... and paid for his own car

Is 17 days away from doing this alone… and paid for his own car

I did some soul searching

I did some soul searching

Kind of lost my mind and started sending my boss texts like this...

Kind of lost my mind and started sending my boss texts like this…

Then quit my job

Then quit my job

Layer 2

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

An Epiphany has happened! I am about to tell you about it without the use of an adverb. Thanks to the Light & Shade Challenge! So if this is a hard read… Well… be grateful you did not have to write it.

As I spoke with Small Child last night (Small Child is a nick name, he turns 16 next month) he expressed his dislike of my Nicotine addiction. No, No, I am not a smoker… I used to be… I also used to carry 100 pounds more body fat than I do now… I used to smoke a pack a day…

I need to lose another 100 pounds (I say that with such a casual tone) I need to get off the Nicotine Gum.

Yes… the gum… I have chewed it for years… I feel a little embarrassed by it.

I am half way there. I have done half of what needs to be done.

We set a date… August 10th… to be weened off the stuff…

I hate that anything has a hold on me… I hate being dependent on anything… and as Small Child put it… What if…

What if the Zombie Apocalypse came… He said he would use me as a Nicotine withdrawn weapon… as it would not be available to me.

But I think at this moment, I could face any challenge ahead… Other than writing one more horribly boring … incredibly un-descriptive line of dribble about my mundane physical addictions… I would gladly write a million things other than that… but I needed to get it put in writing… and what better way to do it and aggressively make the point!

Small Child and I!

Small Child and I!