Articles

Dear Son…

It’s so fucking hard to believe you’re turning 16 today.

Apparently… when I blinked, your little blond mancub self… who used to spend hours catching grasshoppers and swimming and music has grown into a tall…kind.. thoughtful…  smart teenager who loves games and girls…

I know this journey hasn’t been easy.

I know your dad and I (especially I!) have made mistakes… but we have done our best… I promise to continue to do so.

It’s not easy figuring out what should be said and done and those words that should remain unsaid and the actions that should remain undone.

Because sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to stay back and let the lesson teach itself… I am so sorry about your dad not being here.

There have been a couple of close calls–a few times I felt my heart in my throat.

When you chased your sister and her friends around the block… with myself and some neighbor lady trying to catch you… when you got past the dead bolt for the first time… when the lump formed on your neck… and later when they wheeled you away to surgery to remove it….when you broke your leg… when the scuba gear sank you like a lead weight…. when your dad died…

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell you what I want you to know. Many times… we don’t see eye-to-eye. Sometimes…  I don’t do well when I’m put on the spot. Sometimes (most times),  I do better in writing. So here goes.

I know you think you have it figured out. Life, I mean.

And in many ways, you do. You get good grades, you get along with your peers, you love music and your viola,. You feel things deeply… and injustice bothers you.

These are all attributes that make me proud of you.

Please–never fail to listen when somebody older and wiser tries to give you advice… Let the BFG offer to help with math…  You don’t always have to take it (many times you shouldn’t!), but listen to those who care enough to try to help.

In just a few years, you’ll be going off to college– Now you are driving without me… making decisions on your own.

I’m not worried about that. Well shit…  I do worry a little, but I think you’ll be fine.

Your moral standards will hold. I know it may sound cliché but I’m going to say it anyway…  follow your heart. Follow your conscience. It’s kept you kind and compassionate.

One thing I do worry about: I want you to make time for friends. I know you are introverted and it’s easier to stay by yourself … but you have so much to offer others: your sense of humor…  your knowledge of current events… your integrity…  your wit. You’re so funny!

Please, don’t sell yourself short. Shoot for the stars! Set high goals. It’s okay to not always succeed — sometimes falling is part of the process. Don’t let yourself get discouraged. Sometimes, you’ll get told “No.” Even though it stings, it’s not the end of the world. If it’s important to you, keep trying…don’t let one person (or opportunity) hold you back. Never let YOU be the one to hold yourself back.

When you do win…know you deserved it. Nobody can say you didn’t.

I’m your mom, and I love you more than I can say… more than there are words to write…and I can’t wait to see how you’re going to shake up this world of ours.

It’s going to be beautiful.

You are My Sunshine...

You are My Sunshine…

 

 

Dear Nine Year Old…

It is no secret that Second marriages don’t always have the perfect start. It is hard to find happiness and love in a relationship which lacks foundation… By foundation I mean a childless time…. we started this journey as a family… and now you are nine…

Separation and divorce can sometimes make it difficult for some kids to get along with their step parent… . But life always presents opportunities to build bridges …   please don’t assume that I will never understand your emotions… and you should know your continued maturity does continue to amaze me and I can only hope my words and presence will have a strong impact on your perception about what and who you are as a person.

My biggest hope for us is that I can show you that It takes time to build relationships…  Be patient and selfless – and if you wait for it… one day you will realize how much love you have in store for your life… how much you are loved… and so to celebrate your 9th year my stunningly beautiful step daughter… 9 cheesy reasons I hope you have the best birthday ever

1)  A daughter who is a best friend in disguise – my dear you are my life’s biggest prize. Happy Birthday Banana Pants.

2)  You could have been a force that caused fights between me and your father but instead…  you became the glue that held us together… thank you for making the family stronger.. Happy Birthday Sweetheart

3) Stepmothers have to put in effort to find reasons and ways to love their stepdaughters… but you have made me a natural pro at my job. Happy Birthday Cuteness.

4) Fairy tales have always portrayed stepmothers as wicked…But for me, the only time I’m get wicked is when someone else tries to be wicked with you. Happy birthday Babygirl.

5) Our relationship is like clay… it can change its form according to circumstances but it will always make us stick together. Happy Birthday Angel Girl…

6) The best stepdaughters in the world are not the ones who accept their fathers’ new wives… but the ones who welcome them as new best friends in their lives. Happy Birthday Miss Bee.

7) You range from curious to anxious… nervous to afraid… worried to petrified –  all wrapped up in one tricky little girl… we all stepped into this  new family, and the adventure started… we have had so much fun. Happy Birthday. Pretty Facey

8) You could have resented my presence in your father’s life… but you cherished it. You could have hated my involvement in your own life… but you valued it… You could have detested my addition in your family… and your step brothers… but you welcomed it. Thanks, Happy Birthday Lil Miss Thang

9) If fights and distance make loved ones eventually come closer… let’s continue to fight… Someday it will make us the closest stepmom-stepdaughter in the world. Happy Birthday… Way To Go Buffalo.

Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday!!

 

Plot Twist!

Writing Prompt :Write a blog post in exactly 15 lines.

Writing Prompt: Write a blog post in exactly 15 lines.

Everything is Changing!

<Insert action shot of leap of faith here>

Small Child bought a car 17 days before his 16th birthday (Pictures)

Tall Child is squeezing out a baby girl any day now

The Supreme Court ruled… churches burned… the flag was taken down by someone who could not wait any longer.

Change is in the air my friends and I can’t wait any longer.

Locking arms with my truth and facing the world without a single inkling of a purpose or plan

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

The definition of genius is doing something you have never done before and not having any expectation of result.

I am somewhere in between these two

I am so far out of my comfort zone I cannot even see it from where I stand

But I am standing

I am irresponsible… and irreplaceable… and no one else can play my part

It is the role of a lifetime… my lifetime

this is line 15.

How to completely change your life in one week…. Wordless Wednesday!

Everyone Can Marry!

Everyone Can Marry!

The Kid Small Enough to still do this...

The Kid Small Enough to still do this…

Is 17 days away from doing this alone... and paid for his own car

Is 17 days away from doing this alone… and paid for his own car

I did some soul searching

I did some soul searching

Kind of lost my mind and started sending my boss texts like this...

Kind of lost my mind and started sending my boss texts like this…

Then quit my job

Then quit my job

Layer 2

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

An Epiphany has happened! I am about to tell you about it without the use of an adverb. Thanks to the Light & Shade Challenge! So if this is a hard read… Well… be grateful you did not have to write it.

As I spoke with Small Child last night (Small Child is a nick name, he turns 16 next month) he expressed his dislike of my Nicotine addiction. No, No, I am not a smoker… I used to be… I also used to carry 100 pounds more body fat than I do now… I used to smoke a pack a day…

I need to lose another 100 pounds (I say that with such a casual tone) I need to get off the Nicotine Gum.

Yes… the gum… I have chewed it for years… I feel a little embarrassed by it.

I am half way there. I have done half of what needs to be done.

We set a date… August 10th… to be weened off the stuff…

I hate that anything has a hold on me… I hate being dependent on anything… and as Small Child put it… What if…

What if the Zombie Apocalypse came… He said he would use me as a Nicotine withdrawn weapon… as it would not be available to me.

But I think at this moment, I could face any challenge ahead… Other than writing one more horribly boring … incredibly un-descriptive line of dribble about my mundane physical addictions… I would gladly write a million things other than that… but I needed to get it put in writing… and what better way to do it and aggressively make the point!

Small Child and I!

Small Child and I!

Crackin’ Crawdads

In 5 days this kiddo will have been without his father for 2 years … He is being a little passive agressive… I am being a little smothery…. Mr. Amazing and I took him to one of his favorite memory spots of his father… he ate two bucket fulls… (freaking gross!) …
20150418_122657-COLLAGE

Husbands.

This guy right here…

20150215_133832  20150215_133759 20150215_133611.

An ode to my Husband…
There are many reasons why I love you…  too many to share…
It’s not just for your handsome face… or sexy… floppy hair
It’s in the we found ourselves from what started as a sordid fling
and the way you make up the words when you’ve forgotten what to sing.
It’s how you tuck me in at night hoping that I will sleep
How you listen to my troubles… and are afraid of water too deep
It’s for your big broad shoulders and strong arms that hold me tight
It’s how you make me laugh no matter what… every single night
It’s the way you’re eyes disappear every time you smile
For all the fun and silliness that makes our lives worthwhile
It’s the way you love our children, and amuse them for hours
Playing knights and spies and dolls and building all the towers
The way in which you look at us with love… you love us to extremes
But most of all it’s for being you…the man of my dreams

 

So here is the thing… I know more people would read this if I talked about how he leaves paper towels everywhere… They would probably share it if I wrote cleverly about his bodily functions and when forgets the dishes he leaves soaking … but the truth is even though I laugh when I read other wives accounts of their husbands habits… I know I could never write a satirical post about him… He gets enough of it from TV… and other woman. I just love him.

Inspired by MamaKats World Famous Writing Prompts….

“Husbands. A post that hopefully will not get you in trouble.”

                                                            mama kats

Can I just… No… No… for the love of all that is holy

mama kats Write a poem inspired by the last conversation you had with your child

I slide out from behind the wheel… I think I am going to be ill…

He gets in & adjusts the seat … His expression makes it clear he thinks this is neat!

I buckle in tight … the inside of my cheek I begin to bite!

He puts the vehicle into gear… and smiles to himself over my fear.

Out onto the road he drives… I think I am breaking out in hives.

The first stop sign is not far… I almost go through the windshield of the car.

HUG THE CENTER LINE… YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE

Im screaming and I know it… it was only yesterday he got his first zit!

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY … PLEASE DRIVE MORE SLOWLY

He begins to get a feel for the road… he is in now in driving mode

I let him park in the driveway… that was enough for one day!

“Mom you are the best!” … He smiled and beamed with pride.

“Son, Let’s give driving a rest”… That was the day I almost died.

fin.

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