Articles

You had me at hello…

mama kats List your top 5 favorite romance movies

I have a little bit of a different outlook on love and marriage I think… I dont know if it is a good one or a bad one… I will say that I am currently happily married to my second husband… If you follow this blog at all you have surely been sickened by my outpouring of love and affection for Mr Amazing… But I also think that love isnt enough to make a marriage work or last… and I also believe that we have more than just love going for us… I give this little preamble to my list because where I find romance the most is in my deepest moments… So that being said…

1- Mrs Doubtfire…. I know it sounds crazy… but this is the movie that finally convinced me I was going to have to end my 18 year marriage with Small’s’ father… The line “I don’t like who I become when I am around you” is finally what did it for me… and I worked through what came next… It was one of the most loving things for both of us that I had ever done.

2. Tara Road – The Holiday was the remake of this and is good, but if you can see the original Tara Road is one of the most moving movies ever… It really explores all of confusing things middle age has brought me

3. Avatar – Yes the blue people movie… maybe I think this is romantic because it is one of the first movies I saw with Mr. Amazing… maybe it is because I love the “I see you” … but the whole sex scene in front of the tree does it for me

4. Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind – This absolutely goes without saying.

5 – Boys on the side – This is one of the sweetest movies of all time… it covers all kinds of relationships with all kinds of people… but love is the resounding theme.

 

And thats my list!

Romantic_movie_quotes_20140226_Romanticmoviequotes

I’ve never even had a rose ceremony!?!?!

mama kats Welcome to the most shocking rose ceremony in writing prompt history.

Please award roses to the ten people (or items) in your life that you’d like to continue pursuing a relationship with.

In no particular order and without further ado…

single red rose

1 – I could fill half of this list with just those who reside in my home… But I am feeling the need to dig deep and really take a personal inventory of that which I am grateful for in my life… That being said… Those in my home deserve mention… Mr Amazing is the love of my life… He is my best friend… and I love him so hard. Small Child (not so small) continues to amaze me daily with his bright charismatic self…. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to my life… and I can not express the gratitude I have for him… I admire him so much. Smallest Child (Ms SassyPants) is the latest breath of fresh air into my existence… we have really stepped up our StepParent/StepChild game… and I have loved every minute of it… She is so clever… and I am honored to be part of her upbringing…. So that is a Rose for my little Family. (With an honorable mention for Tall Child and her three Tinies!)

FamilyOh My Gosh!

2- Betty Perea – This woman has brought more joy to my life than I can express… She has given more wisdom…invited palpable spirit…  inspired more crazy… and driven more motivation than I can explain… I love her… She teaches humility and gratitude without even saying a word… She is wild and funny… you never know what she is going to say next… She thrives off of keeping people on their toes and she has been the greatest mother like friend I have ever known… She brings a different perspective to the table… and I love her mysticism, skepticism, and superstitions. She gave me my love of coffee and mexican food.   A Rose to my old soul (With an honorable mention to her children, who I love beyond measure)

Betty and Boys

3- Tolman – I have known this chicka forever! She is my Cookie Wife.. My Soul Sister… My Co Parent (for her smalls and mine :))… She goes on all my crazy adventures with me… She wore the Bloggess’s Red Dress with me… We’ve been through marriages and divorces with each other… we have laughed as well as cried the hardest in our lives in front of each other… we are linked by a special energy that is thicker than blood… She is the cheese in my enchilada :) A rose for her… with all the thorns cut off… because just once something beautiful should come to her without the trials. (I would make it rain roses on her beautiful babies who I treat like my own)

Tolman

4 – The Fluffinator! My Stef! My favorite heavy metal loving animal enthusiast teenage rearing sexy beast on the planet… She is my escape… She is my safe place… she is my cohort on adventures that we are way too old to take… She is down to earth… a fantastic mother… she is beautiful… has a passion for purple and a strength like no one else I have ever met. She is so intelligent and she has the biggest heart! She is always up to something fun and most nights seem to end with fireworks and alcohol when we are together.  Raising our two boys together has been amazing… we call each other for advice… to vent… and to discuss anything supernatural. I do not know how I lucked into her entering my life but I am grateful for it every day…. Small Child (not so small) will always think of her as his other mother… She is my back up mom… and I miss her! Roses all around… (honorable mention to her crazy kiddos who I freaking love like crazy)

Stef

5 – Michelle – She is actually my cousin.. I mean that is how we met… but she became my friend in our adult lives… She has more integrity and acceptance in her little finger than I could ever hope to achieve… She is funny… She is talented… She is a great mom.. and has always always been there for me… no matter what I have needed. She is so kind… and when someone starts gossiping or being negative she is the first one to shut it down. She is always willing to try new things and lets me just be me. Our kids have trick or treated together every year for as long as I can remember… Eventually we are going to have to find someone else to steal candy from! –  A Rose

 

Halloween

6 – Danielle – There is a story behind Danielle.. She is a close friend of mine’s daughter… a few years ago… We lost her mother… It was heartbreaking. From this came something wondrous and miraculous into my life however… This stunningly brilliant young woman… she is amazing… my children worship the ground she walks upon… and we would gladly just keep her forever… She has this awesome throaty laugh that reminds my of her beautiful mothers laugh… and I cannot imagine our lives without her in it… She is the s’more master… the butt toucher… the ceiling walker… and the best kind of big sister  figure on the planet for my smalls… She will always always have a home to come too and a family who loves her…. (honorable mention to her brother who I love and have great hopes for)-A Rose.

Danielle

7- Enough with all the estrogen! Lets give some Testosterone some attention – My Christian! This guy has been my friend for 18 years now… I have watched him grow up… and he has watched me mature (see how delicately I handled the age difference?) He is my hot cuban mess… and he is the greatest thing since sliced bread… I love him so much… he is so well spoken.. he passion for history is contagious… his love for family is admirable… I have told him things I could never tell another soul on the planet and knew he would tell me how stupid I was when I needed him to… he would also tell me how loved I was when I needed him to… I love to discuss philosophy and politics with him… and I love that no matter how much time passes… when we hit rock bottom… repeatedly… respectively… we will always have a friend within each other to lean on and shoulder to cry on. I am a better person because of him. – A Rose

Christian

8- This Guy… If you know me… you know why – Zip the Wonder Dog – A Rose to you my buddy… you did it! I remember pleading with you when you were hit by the car to just live long enough to get him through the divorce… then again when he lost his dad … to stick around long enough to get him by… he couldn’t lose so much at once.. but you just keep ticking… Please… just get him through High School… You are the most constant thing in his life and we love you. (Honorable mention to the cat…  Shadow Cat… I remember the day I brought you home to my very scared and sad little family… you were enough of a distraction to get through the first days of some very hard realities… and for that I am grateful… You tolerate us.)

 

ZipZipShadow

9 – Now,.. The Prompt did mention items… and I cannot forget this little beauty I am typing this away on…My cute little purple coated macbook air. I am sorry I neglect you… I am sorry I never update you… I let your battery die… you collect dust. You are the tool of my creativity and I have slept snuggled up to you more often that I care to admit…. A Rose.

IMG_3249

10 – Myself… I am taking the easy way out… I have the most amazing list of people I should have included… I have nieces and nephews who I adore… such an awesome list quirky  life long friends… Family… But the truth is there was a time in my life I didn’t have any of you… and Depression worked rather determinedly to keep it that way… But this awesome woman never gave up… she never forgot that depression was lying to her… she worked her ass off… as a parent.. as an employee… as an artist… as an individual with a different way of seeing and doing things… and I would very much like to apologize to her for the abuse she has endured at my own hand… from my own stupid decisions.. and I would like to thank her for hanging in there… despite it all … and being such a bad ass. I’m funny… Smart… and my cleverness is overflowing. I kinda like me. Thanks to everyone who loved me enough for both of us on the days I cant love myself. – A Rose

Kerry

The End of 2015

Hey… oh hey there… I havent been here a lot lately… I have been out doing anything other than what I set out to do this year… and I am loving the shit out of it!

Have a wordless wednesday post worthy of my attitude

We did our first ever family photos last month… Here you go :)

Family Funny Faces Cropped

ha ha! okay… really… we are fucking adorable… right?

Here we are ... Myself.. the middle aged chick in black... Mr Amazing right there next to me in the beard... Tall Child - birther of the tinys... Small child (not so small) and smallest child :)

Here we are … Myself.. the middle aged chick in black… Mr Amazing right there next to me in the beard.Tall Child – birther of the tinys.Small child (not so small) and smallest child :)

Who are the Tinys you ask? oh you didn’t? well… Im gonna show them off anyways (My Three Grandsons)

Oh My Gosh!

Baby… It’s cold outside!

Write a blog post inspired by the word: frozen mama kats

There could not have been a more perfect prompt for my life this week… Yesterday was 60 degrees and sunny…. We woke up to this

image1 (1) This is just in town… not the freeway… I had this view

for about 45 minutes… from this bridge I could see the school I was trying to get my small (not so small) too… but couldn’t get to it… The school district however did not close the schools…. So Self Declared Snow Day it is… Fuck this shit

image2 Dont mind the valet receipt reflecting on windshield as I photograph my small (not so small) from the warmth of my car… On a conference call with work through my blue tooth/Car speakers (this appears to be my office for the day)  as he struggles with the entire supply of ice melt from the drug store to my car…He is pushing it through a foot of snow that fell in just a few hours…

Today would have been his first day driving in the snow… Most of the time we get an inch or two… its good to practice… I think he can try it tomorrow instead…

So we have a conference call going on in the kitchen – we are naming that Mr. Amazings office for the day (Damn him! he has the food)

Finally I find myself curled up in bed with my laptop…

We are now measuring 18 inches of snow on the porch…

Baby… Its cold outside.

 

I am still here… just not right here.

Ive been all over actually… I posted that I was sick as an explanation for my lack of posts… and I packed up all my prescriptions like a dying person and flew to the bay…. It was awesome… I would site see in the mornings… sleep and be ill in the afternoons…. and be rested up again to go out to dinner with Mr. Amazing as he finished his day at the conference he was attending…. It was my first trip away from the smalls… that was not a working trip myself… and even though I was sick… I didn’t stay put… I drove through tunnels and over bridges and had a fantastic time…

Bridge Trolley Tea

Upon returning home I decided… impromptu…  to do some family photos! Here is my favorite…. Tall Child… Small Child… Smallest Child… Tiny Children 1 2 and 3

AllTheKiddos I am pretty sure they could not be any cuter.

And I finished my Christmas Painting Project!

I wanted to replace all the artwork in my living room with Christmas Artwork… I couldn’t afford to go out purchasing new artwork… So I PAINTED THEM!

Cause… well… I fucking rock

IMG_2561Holiday

And that my friends… is why I am not blogging…. But I did get the text from Mr.Amazing that he once again renewed my beautiful domain this last week… and well… seeing as how I lived through the round of antibiotics… I suppose I will need to come up with something to write about again.

 

 

I’m just gonna leave this right here… okay now… bubye.

Write about a time you thought there was a ghost.

Write about a time you thought there was a ghost.

I am not going to start a debate on whether or not ghosts are real… or the supernatural… or anything of the sort…because honestly I just don’t care…  I am just going to state one fact… you cannot live with me for long and deny that there is something besides us here… call that something what you will… but you can’t deny its existence…

This fact was challenged upon entering my marriage for Mr. Amazing… I think he thought it was cute that I was so eccentric…. But much like with everyone else… It just was not worth the discussion… because a ghost doesn’t pay the bills… or do the laundry… cook dinner… bring about world peace…so really… what good is it.

This is one story of many… but it is my favorite because it scared the Bejeezus out of my Sexy Husband… Here is what happened:

Its been about 2 years now… It started slow… Doors opening and closing… Wiring seeming to be going out as lights flickered in the hall and bathroom… Harmless things… super easy to explain away…. So what are two grown adults going to do? Try to explain it away… HA!

IMG_2127

This is the light that would randomly turn off when someone was in there… it had to be wiring because it isnt like the light switch moved… the light just quit working…. but the wiring magically got fixed all by itself now.

We adjusted the thermostat… we ran a hot shower trying to make the door swell… we tried numerous things to try and recreate what was happening… because I am supportive of my cute husband and his insistence science can explain it.  I like science! But our attempts were in vain… and the door opening and closing continued…

I think my favorite night was when we were in bed… our door flew open… we blamed it on the wind… and closed it again… only to have it open again once we were back under the covers.

This carried on for several weeks… it was a symphony of doors… down this hallway

IMG_2128

Our bedroom is at the end of the hall… The first door on your right is Little Miss Smalls door…it was the most active participant. But  only when she was not home.

Now cue the baby crying… WHAT? We don’t have a baby! … Thats right folks… in the middle of the night we would hear a baby crying… we would hear it in different places… For Example.. we would both be in bed… we would both hear the crying… but I would swear it was outside the window.. he would swear it was on the other end of the house…. and WOOSH! the door (that was already closed) would slam.

Then the footsteps started… and that was the end of it for Mr. Amazing… We had been living this way for about 5 months at this point… He could not deny it any longer… and he wanted it gone!

Which was sad kind of… because it really was such a sweet little thing…

“Don’t you know other weirdos that can do something about this??” he asked in desperation (Door Slam at 2 am WHAM!)

“Ironically… I do”

and I did… and I did what my dear friend suggested… with a little help from my not so small… and other than a peek a boo once and again from our invisible friend… things have been quiet.

“Let’s never speak of this again” – Mr Amazing

Well… it just made the blog!

Bahahahaha!

 

Happy Birthday Tall Child

When I was younger… a sophomore in highschool…
on the 30th of September…my first niece was born.

Write something that begins and ends with the words “When I was younger.”

Write something that begins and ends with the words “When I was younger.”

Today I call her daughter.

I dont have the patience to look through the history of my own blog and see if I have told her amazing story before… and that is okay… because even if I had told it… it would be different today… because we are different today… we are fucking old.

You came to be my daughter through unconventional methods… as all good daughters do.
You were 12 going on 13 and you will never forget the weekend you came to live with me… because it marked the date of your journey into womanhood… your first period! I am sure there could be a million other milestones that mark it… but Im going with this one… because… Ha!

It was only going to be a temporary stay… just someone to watch over her for a little bit… I remember clearly the day I knew it was going to be a permanent situation… and the brave call with the detective… and the search warrant issued on your previous residence…sure… there were court rooms… the therapy sessions… the tears…the sleeping on the foot of my bed.

but there was also birthday parties… all night talks…the lama festival… “cute toes” at the fair…The hamster escapes… the calling the drama teacher an asshole in front of the entire class!

Highschool was amazing… to look back on… not at the time… The Leprechaun, The Drag Queen, The making out in the hall way with the foreign exchange student…

I remember telling you how special you are… how much light you had inside of you… I see it still.

She has grown into the most stunning of peoples. (Plural… because the grandsons are literally falling out of her… her words not mine!)

You who I thought I was saving… saved me

She became the greatest influence on small childs life… She was his hero… his best friend…

She taught me to be brave… and honest… She embodies the very definition of hard work and determination.

Through everything life has tossed at us… we figured it out together… The gratitude I feel for having her enter my home is overwhelming sometimes… I truly cannot imagine my life without her.

It has not been easy… and I have not always been proud of how I have handled things… but there is not a single day when I am not proud to be mom…

Happy Happy Birthday Tall Child!!

The Fairest of them all...

The Fairest of them all…

I never ever looked this beautiful btw… even when I was Younger.

… My amazing graces

Go ahead and click play on the song  – We all know how much I love The Piano Guys… Well this is their latest work of art… and I dub it the themesong of my life right now… so give it a listen while you finish reading this beautiful disaster.

So I kind of disappeared there didn’t I!

I disappeared long before I stopped writing the blog… Slowly I was turning invisible… But as my previous blogs have mentioned I was ready for change… I was ready to be Bad Ass… and bad assery is on the way…

I did it… I quit my job… and what I did at first… was clean compulsively … I mean not really clean … but pick up and vacuum a lot … dusted some things… put away alllllllll the laundries…

then I watched a season or two of TV …

Here are the things I did not do: stay in bed all day… cry… stay in pajamas… eat like shit

The second week we took our summer vacation to San Diego… and the magic was palpable (… I just really love that word)

SanDiego

 

We did all kinds of things…. as you can see above… including the safari park… body surfing… Mr Amazing’s glasses went to swim with the sharks… got sunburnt in all kinds of weird places… Drank ALLLLLLLL the cocktails… ate enchiladas that I swear were my spirit animal

Here are the things I did not do: Panic… Hurt… Cry… stay long enough (seriously I could spend weeks there)

and suddenly here I am wrapping up week two of unemployment… My saved up vacation pay has been paid out and I am officially not earning any money.

I took some time to get the kiddos ready for school… inventorying of clothes and shoes and such… I spent some time with family… I spoke on the phone to friends… Not text or gchats… like actual phone conversations that lasted longer than 5 minutes… I applied for some jobs… and set up a couple of interviews for next week…and I wrote… I mean really wrote… not blogged… not updated my facebook status… or tweeted… I mean I wrote… about 50 pages worth of a novel I have been typing a page here and there on for over a year…

I painted… a little

I listened to music

I hung out with my kids… just hung out… doing nothing

I cooked dinners… really cooked them… didnt drive through for them or microwave them

I am having a family dinner tonight… Tall child and Allllllll the babies included.

I found a part of myself I had lost… The part that knows how to slow down… and breathe.

I will let you know what I find next.

 

 

 

You Matter…

Picture if you will…

It was a beautiful Saturday evening… sitting in the courtyard of the local shopping plaza on plush out door furniture… and fake green grass being cartwheeled across by a handful of rambunctious children.

The fountain is spraying in a choreographed multihued performance to the music playing from the well placed speakers… out of sight in flower boxes as if the flowers themselves were singing to us…

Happily seated between Mr. Amazing and Small Child… waiting for our XD 3D center row seating to the latest magic Marvel has put before us.

Perfection … halted by the alert of a text on my phone…

The following image was received from my  best friend… She explains that she was cleaning her teenage daughters room while she is off at camp when she climbed into her bed which is in a nook and saw something that could only been seen by someone laying there… that is was not visible from any other angle… and she sent me this image as she lay there as her daughter does daily…

IMG_0835

A lump formed in my throat and dread settled around my heart like a cloak… and I can only imagine this is a sliver of what my friend is going through… I try to imagine how she must be feeling… and try to say the right thing…

I do not need to imagine how the girl is feeling… I do not need to imagine the depth of shame and self loathing that drives someone to write such things… to punish oneself so brutally. No Imagination required… I have an infinite pool of experience to swim in to know exactly what she must feel like… and what it must feel like to wake daily and look at those words. I run my fingers along the scars on my arms… they are 23 years old… I touch the deep gouge of a scar on my thigh… I can still feel it even through my jeans… I remember carving the word “Worthless” on myself… I remember my journal entries filled with too many feelings… filled with hate and pain.

It is wrong how we sometimes treat ourselves… If someone on the street… or in the children’s school spoke to our children that way we would beat their asses… we would intervene… we would get them help and support them and make sure they knew they were not alone…

But what do you do… when the bully… the abuser… the hate is being spewed by the person you love… in the case of our offspring more than we love anything else on the planet… People are left speechless… afraid and confused in these situations… They say horrible things… “They just want attention”… “Its the media… the marketing… the music… their friends”

So we did what anyone in my situation would do… We awoke early this morning… and I went to the craft store… I took small with me… not only to talk about the situation… but because we all love this girl so very much…  Her amazing mother and older brother hauled the bed in pieces to the carport and covered the words that beautiful girl… whose only vice is feeling maybe a little too much… and they painted over them in her favorite colors… Small Child and I went to work with stickers, stencils, acrylic paints and sharpies… 3 hours later…

IMG_0844

She may be angry with us when she discovers it upon climbing into her bed… and finds we paid little attention to her want of privacy… and space…she may be embarrassed… she may be revolted by the cheerful affirmations.. and flowers… and butterflies… but the message is loud and clear… “You Matter”… “You are loved” and if anyone had seen two teenage boys painting her bed pink and moving it around so that us mothers could tell her to “Shine” they would understand how very true those words we adhered onto her bed… with nothing less than gorilla glue…. were.

They were true for this young woman… they were true for the young men taking the time to make sure she heard them… without judgement… they were true for the mothers so concerned as we worked so hard to give her a different perspective…

They are true for everyone…

So if you needed to be reminded… as we all do from time to time… You are Loved… and You Matter!

20150726_200209_HDR

Dear Son…

It’s so fucking hard to believe you’re turning 16 today.

Apparently… when I blinked, your little blond mancub self… who used to spend hours catching grasshoppers and swimming and music has grown into a tall…kind.. thoughtful…  smart teenager who loves games and girls…

I know this journey hasn’t been easy.

I know your dad and I (especially I!) have made mistakes… but we have done our best… I promise to continue to do so.

It’s not easy figuring out what should be said and done and those words that should remain unsaid and the actions that should remain undone.

Because sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to stay back and let the lesson teach itself… I am so sorry about your dad not being here.

There have been a couple of close calls–a few times I felt my heart in my throat.

When you chased your sister and her friends around the block… with myself and some neighbor lady trying to catch you… when you got past the dead bolt for the first time… when the lump formed on your neck… and later when they wheeled you away to surgery to remove it….when you broke your leg… when the scuba gear sank you like a lead weight…. when your dad died…

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell you what I want you to know. Many times… we don’t see eye-to-eye. Sometimes…  I don’t do well when I’m put on the spot. Sometimes (most times),  I do better in writing. So here goes.

I know you think you have it figured out. Life, I mean.

And in many ways, you do. You get good grades, you get along with your peers, you love music and your viola,. You feel things deeply… and injustice bothers you.

These are all attributes that make me proud of you.

Please–never fail to listen when somebody older and wiser tries to give you advice… Let the BFG offer to help with math…  You don’t always have to take it (many times you shouldn’t!), but listen to those who care enough to try to help.

In just a few years, you’ll be going off to college– Now you are driving without me… making decisions on your own.

I’m not worried about that. Well shit…  I do worry a little, but I think you’ll be fine.

Your moral standards will hold. I know it may sound cliché but I’m going to say it anyway…  follow your heart. Follow your conscience. It’s kept you kind and compassionate.

One thing I do worry about: I want you to make time for friends. I know you are introverted and it’s easier to stay by yourself … but you have so much to offer others: your sense of humor…  your knowledge of current events… your integrity…  your wit. You’re so funny!

Please, don’t sell yourself short. Shoot for the stars! Set high goals. It’s okay to not always succeed — sometimes falling is part of the process. Don’t let yourself get discouraged. Sometimes, you’ll get told “No.” Even though it stings, it’s not the end of the world. If it’s important to you, keep trying…don’t let one person (or opportunity) hold you back. Never let YOU be the one to hold yourself back.

When you do win…know you deserved it. Nobody can say you didn’t.

I’m your mom, and I love you more than I can say… more than there are words to write…and I can’t wait to see how you’re going to shake up this world of ours.

It’s going to be beautiful.

You are My Sunshine...

You are My Sunshine…