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Plot Twist!

Writing Prompt :Write a blog post in exactly 15 lines.

Writing Prompt: Write a blog post in exactly 15 lines.

Everything is Changing!

<Insert action shot of leap of faith here>

Small Child bought a car 17 days before his 16th birthday (Pictures)

Tall Child is squeezing out a baby girl any day now

The Supreme Court ruled… churches burned… the flag was taken down by someone who could not wait any longer.

Change is in the air my friends and I can’t wait any longer.

Locking arms with my truth and facing the world without a single inkling of a purpose or plan

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

The definition of genius is doing something you have never done before and not having any expectation of result.

I am somewhere in between these two

I am so far out of my comfort zone I cannot even see it from where I stand

But I am standing

I am irresponsible… and irreplaceable… and no one else can play my part

It is the role of a lifetime… my lifetime

this is line 15.

Layer 2

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

An Epiphany has happened! I am about to tell you about it without the use of an adverb. Thanks to the Light & Shade Challenge! So if this is a hard read… Well… be grateful you did not have to write it.

As I spoke with Small Child last night (Small Child is a nick name, he turns 16 next month) he expressed his dislike of my Nicotine addiction. No, No, I am not a smoker… I used to be… I also used to carry 100 pounds more body fat than I do now… I used to smoke a pack a day…

I need to lose another 100 pounds (I say that with such a casual tone) I need to get off the Nicotine Gum.

Yes… the gum… I have chewed it for years… I feel a little embarrassed by it.

I am half way there. I have done half of what needs to be done.

We set a date… August 10th… to be weened off the stuff…

I hate that anything has a hold on me… I hate being dependent on anything… and as Small Child put it… What if…

What if the Zombie Apocalypse came… He said he would use me as a Nicotine withdrawn weapon… as it would not be available to me.

But I think at this moment, I could face any challenge ahead… Other than writing one more horribly boring … incredibly un-descriptive line of dribble about my mundane physical addictions… I would gladly write a million things other than that… but I needed to get it put in writing… and what better way to do it and aggressively make the point!

Small Child and I!

Small Child and I!

I’m going to be fucking brave.

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I thought I was a courageous out spoken confident person…

I was wrong… The truth is… I have been placated… pacified… terrified… trapped… and I have not been true to my self… and I have chickened out more times than I am comfortable admitting.

I have been toying with an idea for about 5 years now… Career wise…  and just as I was about to take some risk and turn my idea into a reality… Something would happen

A kid got sick

Someone passed away

The dog had a lump

I got sick

custody issues

extravagant vacations

I want a new couch

you name it… I did it… all of it… rather than be real…

All the signs are pointing for me to move in this direction… Better things are in store for me… I know this… and I am still scared… Scared of “What If” and if I am honest with myself, not moving in that direction has just as many scary “What ifs”…

So I have made a plan… one that is well thought out… and well planned… and I am moving in that direction.

I have some back up plans for some of those “What Ifs” and if all of the “What Ifs” happen? well you will see me flying by the seat of my pants through life taking one If at a time…

leap_of_faith

Uprising

AelNight3

I despise the words ‘riot’ and “thug” carelessly thrown into the conversation… They do not understand… They scream their condemnations.

The term “The Final Straw” has never been more literal … and that straw is on fire…

We watch it on the TV… We question who we are… We wonder if the flames will spread… to our own cities so very far…

I am not going to pretend I am someone I am not …and with a heavy heart I look around me…trying to see anything that makes me feel right as I type this from my privileged neighborhood… in my middle class home… on my macbook air…  2 kids… 2 pets…  the news on the big screen…

From this view point I watch as images being filmed in the firelight…show people being ridiculed for stealing their most basic needs.

Fire is vibrant in the dark…

I study the faces of those gathered… Peaceful. Stoic. Calm.

They are not vigilantes… simply vigilant to the cause

They didn’t start the fires… but they feel a deep burning within them….

They do not condone… but they do understand… as they hold their ground on the street

They do not see a riot… but an uprising… and this is the language of The Unheard, The Ignored. The Downtrodden.

and oh I know there are a million different point of views… thousands of opinions… and everyone thinks they are right.

and I apologize if I have offended you or any of them…with these very broken thoughts

But I have to hope that one day the image of the street ablaze will be remembered as the start of how we changed… And that the word ‘thug’ will die out with the flames

and my heart goes out to those Mothers that are praying for their children that are not home tonight…. while mine are tucked into bed safe and …. White.

 

This post was so painful to write as I follow the current events …

I have been paralyzed in my writing for weeks as I am unable to even process thoughts and feelings with all that is going on with our world… I am grateful for the prompt from the Light and Shade challenge for letting me shed a little of the weight…. and I cling to the belief that there is still more good than evil… even if we forget to report on it

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

No Loitering…

Image from WikiCommons, taken by Elia Biraschi and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

Image from WikiCommons, taken by Elia Biraschi and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

I cannot walk through the suburbs in the solitude of the night without thinking that the night pleases us because it suppresses idle details, just as our memory does. ~Jorge Luis Borges

After finding refuge under a tree… though it’s roots make my lawned mattress a lumpy bed… where I slept away the daylight hours… with one eye open… and my wrist twists through the handles of my satchel to avoid it being lifted… to the sound of someones small children playing on the playground littered with broken glass and sharps of all variety… Knowing that people stared… pitied… loathed me… crossed the way to avoid me… patrol cars counting the hours before they can tell me to move… I did move finally.

I pass the homes… still some windows lit even at this late hour… my mouth is dry… I have no water… my stomach is angry that I have no food… my skin crusted with a salty layer of dried perspiration… the summer heat is not too far off… but here in the night it has not found me yet… Soon it will hunt me and haunt me even in the night… though I just barely have recovered from the last attack… a bitter winter war hunt that many of my tribe elders did not survive…

My shoes are so thin that I feel each crevice in the walk way… each piece of gravel beneath the parchment thin sole between my foot and the road.

My legs ache and knees stiffen giving my walk a quirky swing that will soon cause my hips and lower back to beg me to rest…

There is no rest for me… No where to sit… So I continue to shuffle along both longing and fearing the suns return

At every bench… and every bowery… there is the mark against me… the unwelcome sign.

“No Loitering”

and so I walk.

This is a work of fiction.

I see this each night in my city.

Do not cross the street from them.

Do not lend to their belief that they do not matter.

They are not invisible.

Every Life Matters.

 

Brought to you by…

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

Husbands.

This guy right here…

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An ode to my Husband…
There are many reasons why I love you…  too many to share…
It’s not just for your handsome face… or sexy… floppy hair
It’s in the we found ourselves from what started as a sordid fling
and the way you make up the words when you’ve forgotten what to sing.
It’s how you tuck me in at night hoping that I will sleep
How you listen to my troubles… and are afraid of water too deep
It’s for your big broad shoulders and strong arms that hold me tight
It’s how you make me laugh no matter what… every single night
It’s the way you’re eyes disappear every time you smile
For all the fun and silliness that makes our lives worthwhile
It’s the way you love our children, and amuse them for hours
Playing knights and spies and dolls and building all the towers
The way in which you look at us with love… you love us to extremes
But most of all it’s for being you…the man of my dreams

 

So here is the thing… I know more people would read this if I talked about how he leaves paper towels everywhere… They would probably share it if I wrote cleverly about his bodily functions and when forgets the dishes he leaves soaking … but the truth is even though I laugh when I read other wives accounts of their husbands habits… I know I could never write a satirical post about him… He gets enough of it from TV… and other woman. I just love him.

Inspired by MamaKats World Famous Writing Prompts….

“Husbands. A post that hopefully will not get you in trouble.”

                                                            mama kats

Maybe I am just weak?

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi

But what if you can’t forgive?

I wanted to kick off this blog by extolling the virtues of forgiveness… I know that forgiveness is the seat of liberation…  However, try as I might, I just can’t muster up the energy to write a big soaring blog on something I’m still having trouble with.

The truth is, sometimes forgiveness feels impossible.  Is there someone in your life that no matter how hard you try, how many books you read, how many lectures or workshops you attend, you still can’t forgive? Are you tough on yourself for that? Me too.

Here’s a baby step: Forgive yourself for not forgiving.

Thanks to the Light and Shade 100 Word Challenge… Great Prompt! Even if I am not great at it!

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

Beauty is only skin deep… choose to be bone deep

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

You can be bad to the bone… you can be blonde to the bone… you can feel the cold in your bones…

We are often defined by the character of our “bone” … there is a back bone… a funny bone… don’t forget the hopeful wishbone.

If you are skinny… you are skin and bone… if you are larger… you are big boned

people speak of a cruel bone… but I don’t know if it exists as when referenced it is usually as not having one in their body. No one ever says they are full of them.

If you give a dog a bone… you are leading him on… but if you throw a dog a bone… it is charitable.

When you are tired… and can not fathom lifting your head to face what is in front of you… you are weary to the bone.

You can love every bone in someones body… its a sign of affection.

When you are critical… of those you love… it cuts to the bone.

Make no bones about it… Who you are Bone Deep is what matters… Skin Deep and Thin skinned are no competition.

mage courtesy of Wiki Commons taken by Nevit Dilmen and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

Image courtesy of Wiki Commons taken by Nevit Dilmen and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

2015

Well… The New Year brought me something a little unexpected… unexpected because I forgot about it… It brought me a several hundred dollar charge to my bank account… One not budgeted and one I am going to have to tighten the belt on our budget to cover… for something that I seemed to have lost my passion for… for something that had become an after thought… it started to feel like a task… and nobody cared if I did it or not… and I discovered other ways to keep my head from imploding with all the words I pour out here… Yes… Here… Smiffbib.com… My Domain renewed for another 3 years automatically… 3 Years! Can you believe it? I have been writing here for 3 years… I sat and thought for a few moments about what I had accomplished here… and the resounding answer was… NOT A DAMN THING!… and I chuckled to myself because… well… what did I ever hope to accomplish here… this blog is like that seinfeld comedy show… it is about nothing… and I never hoped to accomplish anything more than that… Well… That much was a success…. What has the last 3 years brought me… My new husband (Mr. Amazing) bought me Smiffbib as a gift… we have been through some of the most amazing adventures… trials… illnesses… deaths… all of those thoughts and been poured out into here… hidden in the craziest stories… silly pictures… one self discovery after another… all of the smalls milestones … every fear… every dark corner of depression… every broken thought… Pictures of Disneyland… screams of frustration at the tea party passing bills about my vagina… buried my first grandchild… my exhusband/sons father… and others so close to me…

One day I am going to write something so life changing that people will quote me… they will say Smiffbib and people will know what that means… Or not.

Last year at this time I thought I would be somewhere completely different than I am now… and that was my resolution.

Did you know how far you can come inside yourself without any external changes? Did you know how much you could be okay inside yourself no matter what kind of chaos is carrying on around you?

I have no idea what this new year will bring… none… I have no idea where I will be the next time this domain is up for renewal… I hope I have as much to say about them as I have this last three… Mr. Amazing just called me from the office.. He transferred the money into my bank account… he told me to stop worrying… I could keep Smiffbib… so I suppose I will have somewhere to record them all…

Soooo... I guess it is time to get out of this bed... and begin the new year.

Soooo… I guess it is time to get out of this bed… and begin the new year.

Shout out to my favorite writing group of all time… and Kats prompt for getting me all resolutiony today… I have written 464 posts… here is to another couple hundred more.

mama kats

5 Things…

mama kats

Well… Get ready for some gut level honesty… it does not happen often… But this is who I am.

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Betcha didn’t know…

I can’t play… Really… I can’t do it much to the dismay of all the smalls in my life… I can’t pretend… can’t walk that little doll along the table and talk for her… or pretend to have her fly through the air… no ponies, no action figures (I can FIGHT however… gimme a good action figure to wack you with and it is on).

I’m also a zombie fanatic… Seriously, ask me something about them…  But I’m sort of picky on what types of zombie stories I like… I prefer the apocalyptic ones… where the undead wins.

I aspire to be a writer when I retire…. I love to write stories and share ideas and thoughts.

My favorite thing in the universe to do is to interact with other people on any topic in the universe at an ungodly inappropriate hour because the conversation is so good. .. But I refuse to go to gatherings.

I am a jack of all trades… master of none… I honestly think I can converse about any topic in the universe fairly well… Dorothy Parker once wrote “the only cure for boredom is curiosity, there is no cure for curiosity” — I am afflicted with it.

Randoms things I know ..

Charles Manson… Ironically he is trending this week… suddenly I have people to talk with about this.

Religion … Mormonism… Catholicism… Mysticism… I love the subject and read up on all spiritual traditions… Partake in none of them.

The Hypothalamus – The Hormone Station…

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The Hippocampus – The Memory Station… I majored in early childhood psychology for a period…

World affairs… I don’t often blog about them… but I am not one of those people that believe what FOX news (or any of the others media outlets really) I do my homework… I research… I support causes I believe in… I was there the first night Occupy camped out.

Things I don’t know

Sewing… or any kind of needle work at all… I think I am allergic to it

Cooking… I break out in hives

US History… For someone who cares so much about what is going on today… yeah… I got nothing.

Car Maintenance… Bahahahahaha!

Sports… of any kind.

I believe …

In miracles… I really do… I don’t think some white bearded man touched my life with his almighty finger or anything like that… But I have witnessed truly miraculous things.

In Angels… Yep… again… not winged trumpeting robed beings… but I believe in things that can’t be seen.

In My Children… With all of my heart… even though right now I dont really understand how they are going to pull it off… I think that they will do so fantastically!

In Myself… You see… most days I dont understand how I am going to pull it off… but I keep doing so.

In You… I believe… despite what I read about the world… despite what I see people doing to others… and the earth… that human kind as a whole is mostly good… that we are good… that small acts of kindness save lives… and they happen everyday. I Believe in you enough for both of us on the days that you don’t believe in yourself… so don’t sweat it… I have you covered…

Now… That being said… I wrote a cheeky blog last week… then forgot to link it up to MamaKats… but it was funny… So make sure you go show some love on that sad little creative post that I worked so hard on… cause it needs it!

Ransom Notes & 2 Year Olds