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Beauty is only skin deep… choose to be bone deep

The Light and Shade Challenge

The Light and Shade Challenge

You can be bad to the bone… you can be blonde to the bone… you can feel the cold in your bones…

We are often defined by the character of our “bone” … there is a back bone… a funny bone… don’t forget the hopeful wishbone.

If you are skinny… you are skin and bone… if you are larger… you are big boned

people speak of a cruel bone… but I don’t know if it exists as when referenced it is usually as not having one in their body. No one ever says they are full of them.

If you give a dog a bone… you are leading him on… but if you throw a dog a bone… it is charitable.

When you are tired… and can not fathom lifting your head to face what is in front of you… you are weary to the bone.

You can love every bone in someones body… its a sign of affection.

When you are critical… of those you love… it cuts to the bone.

Make no bones about it… Who you are Bone Deep is what matters… Skin Deep and Thin skinned are no competition.

mage courtesy of Wiki Commons taken by Nevit Dilmen and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

Image courtesy of Wiki Commons taken by Nevit Dilmen and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

2015

Well… The New Year brought me something a little unexpected… unexpected because I forgot about it… It brought me a several hundred dollar charge to my bank account… One not budgeted and one I am going to have to tighten the belt on our budget to cover… for something that I seemed to have lost my passion for… for something that had become an after thought… it started to feel like a task… and nobody cared if I did it or not… and I discovered other ways to keep my head from imploding with all the words I pour out here… Yes… Here… Smiffbib.com… My Domain renewed for another 3 years automatically… 3 Years! Can you believe it? I have been writing here for 3 years… I sat and thought for a few moments about what I had accomplished here… and the resounding answer was… NOT A DAMN THING!… and I chuckled to myself because… well… what did I ever hope to accomplish here… this blog is like that seinfeld comedy show… it is about nothing… and I never hoped to accomplish anything more than that… Well… That much was a success…. What has the last 3 years brought me… My new husband (Mr. Amazing) bought me Smiffbib as a gift… we have been through some of the most amazing adventures… trials… illnesses… deaths… all of those thoughts and been poured out into here… hidden in the craziest stories… silly pictures… one self discovery after another… all of the smalls milestones … every fear… every dark corner of depression… every broken thought… Pictures of Disneyland… screams of frustration at the tea party passing bills about my vagina… buried my first grandchild… my exhusband/sons father… and others so close to me…

One day I am going to write something so life changing that people will quote me… they will say Smiffbib and people will know what that means… Or not.

Last year at this time I thought I would be somewhere completely different than I am now… and that was my resolution.

Did you know how far you can come inside yourself without any external changes? Did you know how much you could be okay inside yourself no matter what kind of chaos is carrying on around you?

I have no idea what this new year will bring… none… I have no idea where I will be the next time this domain is up for renewal… I hope I have as much to say about them as I have this last three… Mr. Amazing just called me from the office.. He transferred the money into my bank account… he told me to stop worrying… I could keep Smiffbib… so I suppose I will have somewhere to record them all…

Soooo... I guess it is time to get out of this bed... and begin the new year.

Soooo… I guess it is time to get out of this bed… and begin the new year.

Shout out to my favorite writing group of all time… and Kats prompt for getting me all resolutiony today… I have written 464 posts… here is to another couple hundred more.

mama kats

5 Things…

mama kats

Well… Get ready for some gut level honesty… it does not happen often… But this is who I am.

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Betcha didn’t know…

I can’t play… Really… I can’t do it much to the dismay of all the smalls in my life… I can’t pretend… can’t walk that little doll along the table and talk for her… or pretend to have her fly through the air… no ponies, no action figures (I can FIGHT however… gimme a good action figure to wack you with and it is on).

I’m also a zombie fanatic… Seriously, ask me something about them…  But I’m sort of picky on what types of zombie stories I like… I prefer the apocalyptic ones… where the undead wins.

I aspire to be a writer when I retire…. I love to write stories and share ideas and thoughts.

My favorite thing in the universe to do is to interact with other people on any topic in the universe at an ungodly inappropriate hour because the conversation is so good. .. But I refuse to go to gatherings.

I am a jack of all trades… master of none… I honestly think I can converse about any topic in the universe fairly well… Dorothy Parker once wrote “the only cure for boredom is curiosity, there is no cure for curiosity” — I am afflicted with it.

Randoms things I know ..

Charles Manson… Ironically he is trending this week… suddenly I have people to talk with about this.

Religion … Mormonism… Catholicism… Mysticism… I love the subject and read up on all spiritual traditions… Partake in none of them.

The Hypothalamus – The Hormone Station…

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The Hippocampus – The Memory Station… I majored in early childhood psychology for a period…

World affairs… I don’t often blog about them… but I am not one of those people that believe what FOX news (or any of the others media outlets really) I do my homework… I research… I support causes I believe in… I was there the first night Occupy camped out.

Things I don’t know

Sewing… or any kind of needle work at all… I think I am allergic to it

Cooking… I break out in hives

US History… For someone who cares so much about what is going on today… yeah… I got nothing.

Car Maintenance… Bahahahahaha!

Sports… of any kind.

I believe …

In miracles… I really do… I don’t think some white bearded man touched my life with his almighty finger or anything like that… But I have witnessed truly miraculous things.

In Angels… Yep… again… not winged trumpeting robed beings… but I believe in things that can’t be seen.

In My Children… With all of my heart… even though right now I dont really understand how they are going to pull it off… I think that they will do so fantastically!

In Myself… You see… most days I dont understand how I am going to pull it off… but I keep doing so.

In You… I believe… despite what I read about the world… despite what I see people doing to others… and the earth… that human kind as a whole is mostly good… that we are good… that small acts of kindness save lives… and they happen everyday. I Believe in you enough for both of us on the days that you don’t believe in yourself… so don’t sweat it… I have you covered…

Now… That being said… I wrote a cheeky blog last week… then forgot to link it up to MamaKats… but it was funny… So make sure you go show some love on that sad little creative post that I worked so hard on… cause it needs it!

Ransom Notes & 2 Year Olds

 

 

 

My Life in 12 Lines

mama katsWrite a post in just 12 lines.

… Going to work Monday mornings is like riding a bike

… And the bike is on fire…

And your clothes are on fire…

And everything’s on fire because you’re in Hell…

… At least Hell is warm

…  it is 39 degrees today

4 pm start pintresting dinner ideas from the office…

call small child and see what I may or may not have in the freezer…

… Get non authentic… but oh so fattening Mexican food instead

… Think of getting a load of laundry done… maybe some writing… painting

Turn on the tv… remove bra… put on PJs … curl up on couch instead…

Check alarm for setness … promise myself it will be different tomorrow…

 

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Oh Hell No…

“The house was haunted. Well, at least it was haunted while I was there. As soon as I left, the house cleared up.
” – Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

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I remember when I was 15… a group of us kids took some canned food for donations and entry into the haunted house just a few days before Halloween… I was so excited… I loved Halloween.. I loved scary movies… I loved being out late at night with my friends… and then I heard the chainsaw roar… and we walked through the doors …

I am behind my friend and have strong-armed him into position directly in front of me… Like a shield… someone you never see walks around the room… occasionally pausing to stroke your face or jab at your neck with a hand in strangle formation or the point of something sharp… You never see any of this coming. It just happens. In the dark.

Chain saws… screams… CLOWNS… it is 45 minutes of hell… most of which my eyes are closed… I can now feel my friends skin through the t shirt that I have shredded while clinging to it… Later… he shows me actual claw marks left on his back… as he informs me I was the scariest part of the whole experience for him.

Never ever again did I go to a haunted house… I ride through spook rides at amusement parks with my eyes closed and act like I enjoy the whole thing… This past Friday Small Child asked to go with some friends to the SAME HAUNTED HOUSE (I could not make this up) I agree to let him go… I even offer to drive them… I drop them off at the gate warning them to be careful… and I move to the furthest location of the parking lot and I wait… allowing them to believe I have left.

THERE IS NO WAY I AM LEAVING MY BABY THERE!

after sitting there in the dark 10 minutes or so… I hear the scraping of feet draggin through the gravel of the lot… It is pitch black… I start looking frantically around me… I see several figures moving through the parking lot… in rags… and walking with a dead limb or a dislocated looking shoulder… SHIT!… I text Mr. Amazing…. he is soooooo sorry… BAM! on my back window… and swamp voodoo mans face is pressed up against the glass… I scream … pee a little (okay not really… but if my bladder had had ANYTHING in it… would’ve happened)

and flipped the stupid kid off

OH HELL NO!

I crack my window and inform the monsters that I am waiting for some teens that are inside… and they can move on to the next victim… and spend the next hour checking all my mirrors like a wild woman.

Hauntedhousekids

Small child loved it.

Next year he can drive his own damn self!

Shout out for this walk down memory lane… and the nightmares are dedicated to the greatest writers workshop in the world!

mama kats Something that scared you when you were young…are you still afraid?

Another Year Older… Mr. Amazing

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. AMAZING! Happy Birthday to the most sexy… ridiculously funny… incredibly intelligent … will leave you hanging in the shower without soap… and in the bathroom without paper… greatest husband… father…. stepfather… friend in the entire world.  I love you!

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There are no words to express the gratitude I feel in my heart that you came into my life… and how you make every day so special… You are my best friend.

I apologize straight from the heart for ignoring you whenever you make an attempt to make me feel better after our pointless arguments… I know I overreact a lot… and I’m sorry.

I was scared to love you at first, out of fear that you would hurt me, but I did and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

You are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me… Each moment that you and I spend together is so much like living on borrowed time that I catch myself smiling for no reason at all.

The world is a better place to be because of you… You make me feel beautiful… Thank you for giving me so much more than I ever could have wanted. I am so thankful for what we have… and for everything we will have.

You are the love of my life.

… Magic Happened

mama kats Share a recent text exchange that made you laugh.

Mr. Amazing: Hello

Me: Hiya

Mr. Amazing: Did I directly or indirectly make you grumpy with me?

Me:Nope… Im not grumpy

Mr. Amazing: Okay, I love you

Me: I love you too

Mr. Amazing:  you seemed grumpy, but it could have been my imagination

Me: I am always grumpy when sleeping… I butchered the shit out of my bangs this morning… thought you should know

Mr. Amazing: OMG – ROFL

Me: bahahahaha I should have cut them last night

Mr. Amazing:  how bad are they?

Me: ummmm on a scale from 1 – 10? they are fucked up bahahaha I was on cold medicine, didnt have my contacts in, the mirror was foggy from the shower, I used house scissors… and magic happened

Mr. Amazing:  OMG

Me: #everythingisawesome
Mr. Amazing:
scenegirl_shortish uglybang
LOL I loooove you!

Me: ROTFLMAO! They arent that bad
I mean… they are bad… but I didnt call into work and run to the salon or anything be nice or I will try to straighten them up with these scissors at my desk…. which I have also done before

Mr. Amazing:

Steve-Tyler-funny

Me:

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Mr: Amazing : Straighter than a catholic priest, wait… straighter than that LOL, they are fine I was picturing a butcher job half way up your forehead, I was scared for you.

Greetings October

mama katsList your top favorite things about Fall.

The crunch of leaves underfoot can be experienced just about everywhere.

Orange hues at sunset… on the leaves… the pumpkins… I love orange.

Caramel …. Caramel everything!

Hoodies!

Boots!

Sweaters and tights!

Scarves!

The sound of leaves crunching into the sidewalk as we walk.

The sound of my dog running through the leaves.

Pine cones!

Cinnamon!

Uggs!

Hot Coffee for me … Hot Chocolate for the smalls… hot tea for Mr. Amazing.

Driving through the canyon to see the walls of the canyon blazing in color.

Shorter Days!

The smell of the heater the first few times it fires up!

The first time you see your breath in the morning!

The Great Pumpkin – Charlie Brown!

I LOVE AUTUMN!

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Alone.

mama kats

 Write about what it was like to live on your own for the first time.

I transitioned from my teen years into what I considered … and the state considered adulthood…. in a halfway house… Even though I was sharing a womans dorm with 5 woman (some fresh out of prison) I surely was on my own… I was the only one responsible for myself… but I don’t suppose that really counts… From there I rented the unfinished basement in my families home… I had my own entrance and my own car… again though… does not really qualify… shortly after that I entered the 18 year marriage that gave me small child… and again felt like I was living in someone elses home the entire time… We separated for 9 months prior to our divorce… I even changed the locks… but I still had small child and tall child in my care… or I in theirs … and we made yet another attempt at our home together… however short lived that was…  true aloneness didn’t set in until we finally filed for divorce… Tall child was in the dorms… and small child went for his first overnight visit with his father. I remember thinking I was 32 years old and for the first time ever… I was on my own.

After having spent so much of my life fending for myself, and being in so many other peoples homes (I bounced around alot as a teenager), honestly I had been more lonely in a room full of people than I ever felt when alone… you would think I would have been more prepared…

I could not stay in the house… I drove for 6 hours.. clear through the night until I was able to get small child back from his father and dreaded the next week when it would happen again… It did happen again… I slowly moved into drinking my way through his time with his father… ironically we divorced due to his fathers drinking and addictions… luckily I didnt use that coping method very long… I soon moved into throwing away anything that I didnt like in the house… and finally getting to really know myself… I chose my type of music to play when I did house work… I rearranged the furniture in a way I liked it better… I decorated with art that I saved up for and picked out myself… I painted… my god I painted so much… I joined a womans circle… I began to date after some time passed… I did that trip around the block… Thoroughly.

Funny how just as I finally learned how to be alone… and less self destructive… I remarried.

But that is a whole different subject.

audrey

Being on your own.. and being alone are two very different things in my book… I am glad I am not on my own… but I could do some more alone :)

That is all…

Sometimes my life feels like a broken record… It is the same thing over and over again… Stress at work, Deadlines to Convention,  lessons with kids, grocery shopping, “Do you have homework?”, “Stop Whining” “Did you practice?” “Are you lying” What do you want for dinner? What do you want for dinner? What do you want for dinner?””Your dog wants outside” “When was the last time you pooped?” …  a lot of the time I find comfort in the security of it… other times I appreciate the consistency of people in my life… Once in a while I grow bored and restless… Sometimes I don’t want to go home at all… I just want to get in my car and drive… and find somewhere safe to get into a drunken stupor… alone…  Today is one of those days… Nothing is wrong… I am not angry or irritated with anyone… no one has done anything wrong… I just feel trapped. Trapped by the expected… sigh… I haven’t been blogging really regularly… and it has been ages since I really blogged about myself or anything going on with me other than the brief medical lesson we all got on CMV… I didn’t even go back to the doctor to finish out the progression of the virus… I just assume I got better… by assume I mean I quit caring…I don’t even know why I keep this blog… I don’t know today as I type this why I blog at all… I suppose out of everything I do… I am glad I do this… for whatever reason it makes me happy most of the time…. not today though…  I am lacking some sleep… I am lacking a clean home… and any free time at all that I find I usually find myself seated on the couch… surrounded by whomever is home… watching kids shows… or sci-fi… I haven’t painted in months… I did take an amazing vacation with my beautiful family just two weeks ago… maybe that is what this is… Lack of Beach Depression… I am pretty sure that is a thing.

I am turning 41 in 2 weeks…My small is a sophomore… There is enough dog hair on the floor of my house to create a large chinchilla… My bathrooms are disgusting… I constantly worry I am causing my marriage to fall apart by nagging and criticizing endlessly… I am feeling very detached…  I am pretty sure my small thinks I am an asshole most days… The next person that asks for something from me… whether it be a braid put in their hair… or where their “whatever is missing at that moment” is I am going to scratch my eyes out… These are the things that go through my mind… my mind that never ever ever shuts the hell up… I try to tell myself its not real… that I am grateful and so truly blessed… because I am…I have my job… I have my health… we all have our health… we have a roof over our heads… a good one… and food in our cupboards… plenty of it… I have good friends… the most amazing ones in the world… I have Mr. Amazing… who is never anything short of Amazing… I have gorgeous long flowing locks of hair? I am reaching here I know… I have that hairy shedding dog… for another year if I am lucky… he is getting so old… and I still just wanna kick everyone in the shins…

 

That is all

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