Well… The New Year brought me something a little unexpected… unexpected because I forgot about it… It brought me a several hundred dollar charge to my bank account… One not budgeted and one I am going to have to tighten the belt on our budget to cover… for something that I seemed to have lost my passion for… for something that had become an after thought… it started to feel like a task… and nobody cared if I did it or not… and I discovered other ways to keep my head from imploding with all the words I pour out here… Yes… Here…… My Domain renewed for another 3 years automatically… 3 Years! Can you believe it? I have been writing here for 3 years… I sat and thought for a few moments about what I had accomplished here… and the resounding answer was… NOT A DAMN THING!… and I chuckled to myself because… well… what did I ever hope to accomplish here… this blog is like that seinfeld comedy show… it is about nothing… and I never hoped to accomplish anything more than that… Well… That much was a success…. What has the last 3 years brought me… My new husband (Mr. Amazing) bought me Smiffbib as a gift… we have been through some of the most amazing adventures… trials… illnesses… deaths… all of those thoughts and been poured out into here… hidden in the craziest stories… silly pictures… one self discovery after another… all of the smalls milestones … every fear… every dark corner of depression… every broken thought… Pictures of Disneyland… screams of frustration at the tea party passing bills about my vagina… buried my first grandchild… my exhusband/sons father… and others so close to me…

One day I am going to write something so life changing that people will quote me… they will say Smiffbib and people will know what that means… Or not.

Last year at this time I thought I would be somewhere completely different than I am now… and that was my resolution.

Did you know how far you can come inside yourself without any external changes? Did you know how much you could be okay inside yourself no matter what kind of chaos is carrying on around you?

I have no idea what this new year will bring… none… I have no idea where I will be the next time this domain is up for renewal… I hope I have as much to say about them as I have this last three… Mr. Amazing just called me from the office.. He transferred the money into my bank account… he told me to stop worrying… I could keep Smiffbib… so I suppose I will have somewhere to record them all…

Soooo... I guess it is time to get out of this bed... and begin the new year.

Soooo… I guess it is time to get out of this bed… and begin the new year.

Shout out to my favorite writing group of all time… and Kats prompt for getting me all resolutiony today… I have written 464 posts… here is to another couple hundred more.

mama kats

I love it when he talks dirty to me…

Chat :)

 me:  I am buying “King Sized” Muffin tins on amazon… that is all… Imma make all kinds of stuff in those things… I found more ideas… some include yummy dinner things


Mr. Amazing:  lol dinner muffins


me:  Mini Meatloafs dude! Its gonna happen (Those are words I never ever thought I would say… ever… I have made it a point to NEVER make meatloaf)


Mr. Amazing:  Ugh


me:  But actually… I was thinking this little taco recipe… LOL and there are other things… chicken bakes… etc.


Mr. Amazing: tacos and muffins – seems suspicious


me:  Bahahaha Just go with it… im cooking shit… its a miracle


Mr. Amazing: I was more thinking that with all of this talk about tacos and muffins…


me:  What!.. what ya gonna say? LOLOLOL!


Mr. Amazing:  Urban Dictionary … that is all




Mr. Amazing:Any number of possibly insulting, more than likely crude, nsfw and otherwise inappropriate comments may ensue (that would be a hilarious tagline for smiffbib)


me:  YES! Yes it would!

Mr. Amazing: ROFLMAO

I totally made these btw. My Cookie Wife would be so proud!!!

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.

9 Grain Bread, Cage Free Brown Eggs, Swiss Cheese, and Turkey Bacon.


Fucking discouraged.


I know I shouldn’t be… I do not write this for anyone but myself… But I recently got some really great news about promoting my blog… and it ended up not working out… because I say fuck… a lot… and it isn’t very professional… and while I completely and totally respect the person and their decision … I do… I understand it completely… I work in Marketing for a huge company… I do all their socially media… I consult for other companies… I get it… I would not promote my own blog either through any professional venue… I still am having a hard time wanting to invest anytime in blogging on this blog this week… And well.. the truth is… I don’t have to. That is the benefit of not accepting advertisement… or promoting any product other than my own hilarity and quirky stories… I just had to say it out loud (or type it I suppose) … I can be serious people… I can be professional…

2014-03-08 08.00.00See… this is my serious face

But I guess the truth is… I don’t really need to promote my blog… I do not write on here for money… I do not write on here for any reason other than my head might explode if I don’t have somewhere to write… and I guess I got caught up in the fact that I got readers.. and followers… and thought it would be fun to have more…


I have the best ones already!!

Thanks for reading … even though I say fuck :)

2014-03-08 18.43.11





Death of the Stache

mama katsCapture a conversation shared between kids.

I am cheating… lets just get that out of the way right now… because there is a conversation that happened tonight … between Small Child and Mr. Amazing (Who I understand technically is not a  kid… but he plays video games… and makes up song lyrics about pooping… and twerks … so I rest my case) … and I am going to have to paraphrase a bit… even though this took place only an hour and a half ago… memories get sketchy under great duress… so you get the following

Mr Amazing: Dude, that stache has got to go… Like tonight… I can’t let you go to school again with that on your face… I will get one of your moms razors and some soap and do it if I have too

Small Child: REALLY? Because she won’t let me shave!!

Me: <Nothing because I am DYING INSIDE>

Mr Amazing: He needs to shave it tonight

Small Child: I’ll get the shaving kit!

Tall child gave him this as a gift when he was 12 much to his delight, and much to my dismay, which I promptly took away and “hid” in the top of the hall closet, apparently not fooling anyone because he got it right away

Mr Amazing: You have to charge it first

Small Child flips the switch and it buzz’s to life… assholes.

Mr Amazing: Curl your lip like this and go up and down over it until you get all the hair off

Small Child: Does it hurt?

Mr Amazing: No, its just like getting a hair cut

Small Child: I’m Nervous!

He walks into the bathroom, does the weird poke his lip out wrapping it around his teeth face at the mirror and begins BUTCHERING my very SOUL… I hear the hair cutting from his face… that I had been properly ignoring for the last 30 days or so… as the “peach fuzz” turned  brown and no matter how many times I told him to wash his face it just wouldn’t come off

Mr Amazing: You missed a spot!!

Small Child: Did I get it?

Mr Amazing: Hold still … gimme that…

Small Child: I got this!

More buzzing

Mr Amazing: There! Looks much better!

Small Child: Can I use aftershave

AFTER SHAVE??? HE HAS AFTER SHAVE??? Apparently he does! Because he comes back all man smelling.

Me: We are celebrating this manhood with Gingerbread shakes!

Translation: Im eating my feelings… with a Gingerbread Shake!

THE END (of my story, and the conversation, and my sanity and HIS CHILDHOOD! Dammit)


Meet the tallest :)

I don’t write often about Tallest Child… Because she is all growed up… and out on her own with the tiniest of all child… cooking another one in her belly!

But this weeks writing prompt only could be dedicated to her… because well… ha! she was freaking stuck!!

mama kats

 “A time somebody got stuck”


This is my baby girl… My daughter… and if you have been reading for a while her stories are intertwined with mine through out… I write about her on Mothers Day cause I’m her mama dammit! I shared my angels girls story of her angel… (with her permission) … because I was so proud of her… She brings me joy … She is part of every humorous story I share about small child growing up in fact… she was a key part to smiffbib even being created… I’m sure there are a million more tall child stories on here… but I’ve linked in a lot if you want some history on this beautiful woman pictured above… My god I love her… and how we show our love? By embarrassing the shit out of her!

“A time somebody got stuck”

She was standing on the stairs that went upstairs, I was standing in the kitchen below her in a Romeo and Juliet almost moment… I say almost because we aren’t Romeo and Juliet… and then… without really understanding why… she decided to shove her knee into the metal bars of the banister… you know… to see if it fit…. She stood there nonchalantly for a moment… trying to slide it back out… but after a few minutes began to panic… We (The smalls father and I) took a few minutes to laugh hysterically… trying to push her … and pull her knee… before I began to panic!… I start thinking the fire department is going to have to come and cut her out of this thing… when the father type figure had a genius idea…. Butter! you should use butter to get out of these kinds of things… and I run to the fridge…. no butter…. BUT! we own butter flavored Pam… which is really the same thing… sprayed her knee… and rescued her from its clutches…Never to be lived down again…

heatherandbabyPsst… Tallest Child… you know about the mothers curse right?.. those Tinys are gonna make for some great stories!!!

Smiffbib Sangria… Seriously

mama kats




Prompt: Refreshments anyone? Prepare a drink for us and share the recipe!

Simple Sangria… Wow… This is the most random post ever!

Okay… So I don’t cook… but I sure love to eat!

(I totally cook … sometimes…  just so you know)

Well… I am no bartender… But I sure love wine!

Smiffbib Sangria … Because this whole recipe resonates with the I don’t care attitude – 1 bottle of white wine (I love THIS one! 3 cans of Fresca, add sliced fruit (peaches, strawberries, grapes, etc whatever is left over from the kids lunch works for me!! HA!)

Sip it… Fill a tumbler… bathe in it… whichever your style …




What! that wasn’t what you were expecting out of me?? Not enough Smiffbib in the Sangria??? Here! Visit my drunk tweet post… because… well… Drunk Tweets!


… in my neck of the woods.

Spring  Sming … I’m not convinced it exists… it has been cold… and snowing still off and on … With just a dash of sunshiney days to keep us from going all “The Shining” on each other… so before I wrote a post complaining and moaning the woes of the winter that just won’t end… I jumped on my local news page to check the weather… because I am a good blogger… who takes her prompts seriously and never gets distracted off the topic… WTF is this???


Soooooo here is the discussion that spawned…

Tolman:  I’m such a grammar/spelling snob…. *Loses *losing

 me:  BAHAHA! Yes! That is sad honestly … They are supposed to be professionals

Tolman:  Good on that woman though! I should take up pole dancing!!!

me:  Uhhh Somehow… I just know that’s how I would die…. Death by Pole Dancing to lose weight… you know it is true… I would fall on my head

Tolman: HAhahaahahaa!! Oh come on!!

me:  You know its true… Broken Neck… From pole dancing

Tolman: It would make for a VERY interesting obituary!!!! Probably go viral!!!

me:  Great! I will finally be discovered when I am dead

In conclusion… This is what Spring looks like in my neck of the woods…. and I am finally going to be discovered!!!

Inspired by

mama kats


How to make major decisions as a couple… Really.

Mr Amazing:  This looks cool 


Mr Amazing:   It has a super nes emulator  & tons of games to download for free

me:  Okay okay… Why would Nintendo let that happen?

Mr Amazing:  :  who is buying NES64 games? Plus minecraft is available

me:  I want it! buy me it!

Mr Amazing:  :  lol

me:  Not funny anymore!

Mr Amazing:    I no longer want it

me:  LOL!  I WANT IT!

Mr Amazing:    smiffbib

me:  Bratface!

Mr Amazing:   it has a SNES and NES64 emulator

me:  I want it all Every Effing Mario Game since the dawn of time!

Mr Amazing: Plus you download ANY game & try it for free even the $50 games

me:  Want want want NEED

Mr Amazing: Oh Kerry

… Donkey Kong 64

… Paper Mario (the original)

… Mario Party

… Diddy Kong Racing

me:  PAPER MARIO I JUST DIED AT MY DESK… Coffee saved me

Mr Amazing:  Super Mario 64

me:  Buy Buy Buy

Mr Amazing:  It is being released June 2013

me:  We could give it to the smalls for their birthday!

Mr Amazing:  lol here kids

me:  and then steal their birthday present and play it

Mr Amazing:  now get the FUCK out of my way


Mr Amazing:  seems disingenuous somehow

me:  It wants me to buy it

Mr Amazing:  I want to spend $1200 on a security appliance for home

me:  A security appliance?

Mr Amazing:  Yes, with IDS, content filtering, and anti-virus and anti-phishing built in

me:  doesn’t sound like a lot of fun

Mr Amazing: It would make it so we could control where are kids go online and verify they never download crap they aren’t supposed to

me:  <yawn>

Mr Amazing:  


me:  paper Mario

Mr Amazing:  and it would make our wireless signal awesome

me:  paper Mario… paper Mario… PAPER MARIO YAY

Valentines Day? Smiffbib!

The holiday of love when sweethearts celebrate with crimson roses, chocolate hearts, cuddly stuffed animals and candlelit dinners for two…Nauseating… isn’t it?  Though many couples and singles do something special to mark the occasion… almost as many on both sides of the relationship aisle confess to loathing the sugary day of romance and the stress… depression…  guilt and disappointment that bubble to the surface when it arrives…maddeningly…year after year.

I think the holiday is total crap

I think I always hated it… even when I was a teenager… and had a boyfriend… I always felt that it was really hokey… I’m not a teddy bears and roses stuffed inside of a ginormous heart balloon kind of person.

It’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t

Frank Sinatra got it wrong when he sang about “My Funny Valentine.” … there’s nothing remotely funny about valentines or a day honoring them.

The resentment definitely makes me want to not just ignore the holiday but do something as a protest … a statement against dinner for two and cheesy professions of love… Luckily I married Mr. Amazing… Who I think is secretly relieved that he doesn’t have the pressure… but finds other ways to let me know I am the one…. he will still will lose his train of thought… and stop mid sentence if he happens upon me getting ready not properly attired yet… I will take that as my romantic gesture… it means more than any bear in a balloon ever will.