Hello wall… I can’t seem to stop staring at you… through half closed eyes that feel like they are full of sand… and are rubbed raw… with the partnering of swelling that the tears always seem to bring… My head feels to heavy to lift off this pillow… smears of black mascara … smells like a mixture of my hair product… and laundry detergent…. I can’t breath in too deeply without sharp stabbing pains behind my shoulder blades from being clenched so tightly… shoulders hunched up to my ears…. Every 8 minutes the door opens… Mr amazing wants to know if I am okay… If I am convincing enough… he will go 15 minutes before checking again…. But I can’t seem to look away from the wall… I cant seem to find any reason what so ever to not try to continue disappearing into the mattress of this bed…. I feel so heavy…. I am half way through… Small Child comes home soon….
This song … This week
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!! Mr. Amazing thinks I should have used some of the stunning Firework photos we have taken…Everyone else will have fireworks… move along… but I at this time… take credit for enriching peoples lives with the knowledge of Leap Seconds…
This weeks Writing prompt from MamaKats made me smile…. ” Share a story about a stray you took in or an animal you once rescued.”
I was married once before… Before I really understood men like Mr. Amazing could love someone like me… I often refer to those times as the “Dark Ages”… but there were some positive things that came out of it…. The birth of Small Child… The ability to adopt Tall Child…. but when it ended… and who knows… maybe someday we will talk about it and its ending…. When that man moved out… I replaced him with a cat… Shadow Cat to be specific… We gave him a home, when his other humans were looking for one for him… and they were friends of ours…. and the children rejoiced… and the Ferocious Beast Doggy did not… and all was well in the Kingdom…. (Shadow Cat and Ferocious beast are Best friends 5 years later… Like best of best friends… Shadow cat purrs upon seeing him… and Beast Doggy pretends he has to poop to sneak the cat outside when it wants out) …
Based on the success of Shadow Cat joining our lil gypsy troupe of a family… Tall child brought us another little bundle of fur… from her college dorm… It needed a home… its person was moving…. and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen….
And the children rejoiced….
And Shadow Cat and Beast Dog desperately wanted to show Flora the Ropes… Or eat her… Probably eat her…
But Flora would have none of this… She moved into my bedroom… and under my bed… and only came out when the house was asleep and all the lights were out… she would come out and eat… and use the litter box… or my clothes if they were on the floor…. and then crawl into my bed and love on my face… and nest in my hair… and allow herself to be snuggled and kissed and all was well…. We nick named her Ghost Kitty
Last… but not least… Near death experience of the cat… and I only share this… because well… it was so freakish… We love her dearly, and thought… well… its spring, lets throw her outside and see what happens….
Here is what happened : She went out… loved it… did really well… then I got brave… and let Zip (Beast Doggy) out…. That didn’t go so well… I have never seen a cat try to run through a fence… but that is exactly what she did….face first… into the chain link fence… and with enough force behind her to get her head stuck there… Small Child is screaming.. I think she is dead….. I shove her head back out of the fence… thinking… well she is dying anyways right? and carry her back in the house… hold her for a while… look her over….no blood…. set her down… she makes a mad dash for the safety of my bedroom… and right under the bed….. whew! she is fine. We bought her all kinds of treats and special stuff…. and found her another set of persons… because we loved her enough to not sentence her to a life under the bed…. much like Harry Potter under the stairs…
Here… Have a gratuitous picture of Shadow Cat and Zip the Beast Dog
Five Reasons I am not reading Fifty Shades of WOW… this is Erotica (porn for the search engines) disguised as a novel for you religious freaks (All of which I am not)
1- I like sex. Actual sex. That takes place in reality.
2- I would rather read Dune… and become a spice addicted crackhead… (Implied: I am not a Dune Fan)
3- I read twilight… enough already
4- I am waiting for the Movie (look forward to a future post “Five Reasons I won’t be seeing the Fifty Shades of … Movie”
5- Water Cooler Talk (you’re equivalent to an office book club)…. Awwwwkkkwwwaard….
This time last year I was blogging about my stomach doing somersaults of fear… dread rising in the back of my throat…. agitated…. unable to sleep….small child going to his summer visitation…
When he is gone… I cling to my phone… he texts me frequently out of boredom…. he is getting older… and therefore less willing to admit he wants his mom… but he gets weepy with my calls at night to wish him sweet dreams after only a day or two… We begin counting the days til he is back home…
Home.. That is what is different from this time last year… My blog home is not the only place that changed… we moved into a house… and I moved my thoughts here…
I married Mr. Amazing followed by Smallest Child, Small Child, Mr. Amazing and I residing together… along with the dog… the cat… the two frozen dead fish…
Tiniest Child arrived safe and sound to Tall Child …
Small Child has had some personal changes as well… His voice cracked at voice lessons this week… and he giggled about it… Zits are erupting on his cute little button nose…. Hair… in places it wasn’t before…
He leaves for visitation in 35 hours …I’m terrified every moment he is gone… there are so many issues … alcohol consumption… pornography… a hand gun… no gun safe…. supervision…. nutrition… cleanliness… that he will have to combat with his dad…
<insert scream here>
he loves his dad… but he is scared of him as well… but this being the fourth summer visitation… it is so far the shortest time his dad has requested…. ten days…. and then another week sometime in august….
I noticed him hugging a little longer a few days ago… as well as building a few extra walls around himself….
I noticed myself doing the same thing…
Our family has completely changed… again… since this time last year… I look to the next year…
Brought to you by… Lack of sleep… panic attacks… and Mama Kats Prompt….
Mom: “Em, what do you want mama to make for your birthday dinner tomorrow night?”
Em: “I want to go to Las Vegas!”
Mom: “A little out of my price range, my dear little diva!”
Em: “Okay, mac n cheese.”
Noel: <snort!>
Mom: That’s disgusting! I knew someone who got fired for doing that!
Noel: What did they do when they got fired?
Mom: They cried!
Nikolas: Waaa! <snort!> Waaa! <snort!> Waaa! <snort!>
Nana to Noel: “When is your audition for ‘Annie’?”
Nikolas: “Tomorrow! Tomorrow!”
Em: Guess what Noel! We had a sleep over at my dads… Mom slept in his bed!
Mom: <Silence>
Em: Mom you didn’t bring your Pajamas!
Mom: Look <pointing out the window> Horses!!
The family is eating pizza… Minding their own business…
Mom: Hey dad (Grandpa) i have a question for you.
Steve: <Jumps in being funny> Where do babies come from?…
Noel: from a penis! <She was 3>
