Twenty years ago today… you alone forever altered the framework of my life… transformed the tapestry of my very core.

You made me a mom.

I loved you from the very beginning, from the moment I saw the two faint blue lines etched across the tiny display window of the home pregnancy test.

I loved you when you were the size of a Lima bean, and then a tangerine, and then a grapefruit, even as I wondered why every pregnancy book insisted on comparing your growth to a fruit or a vegetable.

I loved you when you made your much-anticipated debut from my womb, blue eyes and peach fuzz head, 10 perfect fingers and toes. I loved you through those hazy newborn months, when you weren’t able to distinguish between daytime and nighttime, when the magnitude of my new role weighed heavily on me, sleep deprivation and forcing me to worry incessantly. There was so much to worry about. Would I be a good mom? Could I keep you safe? How was I supposed to mold and shape you into a kind and happy and well-adjusted human being? Where was the playbook?

I loved you so much.

I loved you as a toddler, sharing your passion for Blues Clues and Dora the Explorer, delighting alongside you as we poured through an endless supply of pop-up picture books, as we staged elaborate arrangements, first of blocks, and later Legos, trucks, Super Heroes.

I loved you through elementary school, accompanying you on field trips and chauffeuring you to the orthodontist, relishing all of the afternoons we played at the park — looking for gold at the end of the rainbows… chasing the thunder.

I loved you as a teenager, even as you forged your independence and stretched away from me, even when it sometimes felt like you were incapable of conversing with me, the words coming as sparingly as when you were a baby. I loved you when you made mistakes… I love you when you quit things…. I loved you in the U of U auditorium, where I spotted you on the jumbo tron playing your viola for the last time I have seen you, your graduation cap igniting tears of pure pride that burned my eyes.

I loved you when, after 18 excruciatingly short years, I finally had to leave you. At your first apartment, when we drove down to make sure all the windows and doors were locked. I loved you with my heart stuck in my throat and hot tears streaming down my face as I said sweet dreams to you there. I tried so hard to squelch the heaving of my chest as your strong arms wrapped around me, comforting me, telling me it would be okay. But I failed. I couldn’t stop it. Just as it had on the morning of your birth, my heart refused to be contained.

I loved you with a sprinkle of tough love when, halfway through your first year of college, you wanted to quit. And then, teeming with a newfound respect, I loved you from a distance, standing back as you mapped out a new course for yourself, watching as you worked and climbed a corporate chain ladder.

I loved you when you drove your HUGE STUPID motorcycle to work the first time… and you text me that you were still alive.

And I love you today, on your 20th birthday, on this hearty milestone that officially marks your passage from teenager to adult. I love the young man you have become. I love your determination and your work ethic, even if I sometimes wish you weren’t so hard on yourself. I love your sense of humor, and the way our eyes can lock across a room and invariably share the same thought, with not a single word exchanged. I love the way you always text me when you have solved your problems… though one day I hope you let me help

I love the way our relationship has developed and evolved and matured, and I love the promise of how it will continue to unfold in the years to come.

But perhaps most of all, I love you, quite simply, for making me the person I am today…. because honestly… we are awesome… both of us.

Happy Birthday Angel Boy… Bug… Neenerfan… My Baby.

I am so proud of you.

First … I just want you to know how much I love you. It’s hard to explain, some people can’t really understand how a mom can love someone else’s child like their own. I do though, I love you daughters that are not mine… I love you and Tall Child so much. So… here I am… your proud stepmom, and I love you more than I can put into words.

Now that you’re a teenager, I wanted to tell you some things that I wish I had known when I was your age. I know you probably won’t take them seriously, as I most likely would not have. Try, though. They are all truths for every single one of us.

• School ends. I hated school. I hated the people. I hated being around such empty-headed, shallow people who only cared about their clothes or the boy they were dating. I hated the teachers and the classes. I hated doing homework and presentations and group projects. I hated it all. I experienced bullying. I wish I could go back to that girl and tell her: it ends. School ends and it’s only one small, tiny, sliver of your life. In the moment, it feels like it will take forever to end but eventually it does. Eventually, you look back and realize that the things that go on in middle school and high school are not going to matter in just a few short years, and worrying about them is nothing but a big waste of time. School ends and you get to make your life what you want it to be.

• Worrying what other people think of you is a waste of time. Check this out:

No matter how perfect your hair is, or how talented you are, how much money you have, how beautiful you are in your photos, how fashionable your clothes are or how sweet you smell, you’re still going to get people who don’t like you. It happens to every single person on the entire planet. There is nothing you can do to avoid this. People who hate are unhappy with themselves. The smarter, more beautiful and more talented you are, the more you’re going to attract people who like to hate on you. It’s got nothing to do with you though, even when they say things that are so personal and hurt so much. It’s not about you. It’s about them. Sweetheart, I am not just saying this because I love you, but they see something in you that they wish they had and it makes them upset that they don’t have it. That’s why they hate; that’s why they lash out. It’s not you. The best way to deal with these people, is to take it as a compliment and ignore them.

Don’t post questionable pictures of yourself online. Once something is on the internet, it’s impossible to take down.

Don’t believe everything you hear or read. Consider the source of what you’re reading or hearing. Does the person telling you this stuff have something to gain if lots of people believe them? Especially money? Fame? Power? Some people do a really great job of fooling the world, but they are still liars.

Protect yourself from being hurt by people like this by questioning everything everyone tells you. Even me.

Don’t quote me on this LOLOL

• Stand up for the things you want. You’re not going to be 13 forever and you’re not going to be a teenager forever. It goes by really quickly – Don’t let other people tell you what you should want. Don’t let other people change your mind when it’s something really important to you. Even if other people don’t think it should be important to you, that’s simply not for them to decide. You are the only one who gets to decide who you are and what is important to you and there are zero wrong answers to that.
• Stay close to those who will go to bat for you. The people who will step into the ring and take a punch for you (me, your dad, your mom, your sister, your brother, the dog) are the people who will be around the longest. They will be there when you need help. They will cheer you on when you’re accomplishing things. This is your support group; the people who are your biggest fans. Friends come and go (even best friends), boyfriends come and go, neighbors come and go… but your family… We got your back.
• Talk to us. There is literally nothing you could tell us that would shock us or that would make us love you any less. I was once a teenager and I would be willing to bet that I’ve done just about every stupid thing you can think of. No matter what you say, we are on your side. This is a lifelong promise.
• Never, ever let yourself be too afraid to say no. Unless it is to me or your dad asking you to do your chores. Not saying no when you want to can lead to some very scary, very real situations that you can’t reverse. If someone stops liking you or stops wanting to be your friend because you’ve said no to doing something that makes you uncomfortable, they were never your real friend in the first place. A real friend will want you to be happy. A real friend would never pressure you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. A person worth keeping in your life will respect the fact that you’ve said no and love you just the same.

I know life is weird right now. Everyone around you is changing and you’re being given more responsibility and expected to understand more.

I just want you to remember one thing that’s kinda cool about a stepmom: I chose you. I chose to be part of your life. I did not have to be. I chose to get involved and to spend time with you and get to know you. I didn’t have to do that. I chose to throw you birthday parties. I have chosen all of this, and I chose it not just because I love your dad, but also because I love you. I knew there was something special about you the moment I met you and I knew I wanted to be part of it. I’m so glad I did, I am so effing glad I did. You have changed me and helped me grow. If there is just one thing that you take away from this today, it’s that you’re worth fighting for, you’re worth protecting, you’re worth loving. Especially, and I cannot emphasize this enough, especially by you. Love yourself. Protect yourself. Stand up for yourself. You are worth it.

Your Stepmom.

Not dead… That is all
🙂